A. S. Behsam
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 192
Hi everyone,
I haven't been very active lately, and it's mainly because I'm close to my brother's death anniversary and I'm not feeling really well (it usually lasts the whole month of his...death). So browsing through your amazing critique thread, I thought I would send another piece of my main project which I almost done editing.
I haven't been writing much because I'm busy with commissions and I'm trying to complete your art requests as well. I'm so sorry if it's taking too long.
Anyway, in this part of the story, Anahita and her sister Lyra take Michael to see Caroline; a Seer who might help him with the choices he has to make. This this the part Caroline is introduced and we first see her and her house.
Your comments and opinions are most welcome, and really appreciated.
~Aty
-----
Out of the passage was plain like the spot we'd stopped the car, but large and looking like a vast yard; a fence secured the edges, and the trees and bushes were trimmed. At the end of the yard up against the mountainside sat a dozen stones that ended to a wide two-story house. The smoke coming out of the chimney, which split the house in the middle, dissipated into wisps in the chilly air. The whole structure was made of large black stone bricks. The stones were worn and smooth, and they reflected the pale light of the sun. Two small balconies were positioned on either side of the chimney. All the windows were dressed with green curtains.
“Actually it’s not as scary at it seems,” Anahita said, considering the black house with me.
“It’s not scary,” I said. “It’s unique.”
Lyra slouched toward the wooden door as I walked to the fence, captivated by the view. It kind of had me reconsider my doubts in Caroline’s sanity. The cold metal fence felt pretty solid when I shook it, so I leaned more over the barrier, scanning the cliffs in the distance. We hadn’t gone as high as I thought we had. The whole place was on a cliff probably higher than any of the other cliffs overlooking the ocean from Eagle Valley. The infinite grayish-blue water met the cold azure sky at the horizon. All in all, it was awesome.
“Caroline!” Lyra shouted, hammering the wooden door several times and shifting her feet constantly to warm herself; I’d almost forgotten how frigid it was up here.
“Come on,” Anahita said. She headed toward the house and I followed her.
The moment we reached the door up the stairs it swung open, and Lyra brushed past a tall, lean woman in a long black dress.
“In case you’re not aware,” she told Anahita, not acknowledging me. Her voice was calm but rough, like a serious smoker’s voice. She had an odd accent and enunciated the words one by one. She pointed to Anahita’s clothes. “It is the twenty-first century.”
“Michael, this is Caroline,” Anahita introduced us without turning to her.
“Oh, hello!” Caroline said with a sudden outburst of a warm smile as though I were her old friend. Before meeting Caroline, I had pictured her a gray-haired woman with dirty nails and black teeth, wearing layers of gypsy clothes, beads, and bracelets, and smelling like spices. But that image was completely off the mark. She looked to be in her fifties, didn’t wear beads or charms, and didn’t have messy hair at all. Her dark eyes twinkled, and her thick jet-black hair, straight and shiny, made her seem like a transformed crow. Her facial features were delicate, as though sculptured—a thin nose and thick lips. She was probably one of the few tan people in Eagle Valley, like Iryana.
She held her hand out to me, the veins visible under her skin.
“Nice to meet you,” I said and took her hand. It wasn’t soft, despite the look. When I wanted to let go, she tightened her grip, smiling as her stare pricked into my eyes.
“Precisely,” she said. I wondered if by this she meant she just had an image of me like I did of her. “Come in.” She turned on her heel. “Take your shoes off. They’d stain the carpets.”
Anahita rolled her eyes.
“Ladies first,” I told her. She bent to take her boots off. I did the same. “She’s odd.”
“Don’t pay attention to everything she does or says,” she whispered back. “You’d lose your mind.”
We put our boots beside Lyra’s shoes inside. I closed the door and followed Anahita in. The inside of Caroline’s house was far different from the mysterious expression of its outside appearance, but it was just as unique. The main door opened to the living room, which overtook most of the first floor. The walls, the floor, and even the stairs in front of the door were of black stone, and the ones under my feet were pleasantly warm. Next to the worn-out couches was a dining table, and the house was void of decorations. The noon light filtered through the dark-green curtains, providing a sleepy atmosphere.
Lyra rubbed her hands together in front of the fireplace. Caroline strode toward the stairs and pointed to her dress. “You’ll have to excuse me. Can’t stand the color.”
Is she kidding? Her whole house is freaking black.
She turned away and walked up the stairs. Lyra silently followed her. I turned to Anahita, who gave me an I-told-you-so look and went to the dining table.
I haven't been very active lately, and it's mainly because I'm close to my brother's death anniversary and I'm not feeling really well (it usually lasts the whole month of his...death). So browsing through your amazing critique thread, I thought I would send another piece of my main project which I almost done editing.
I haven't been writing much because I'm busy with commissions and I'm trying to complete your art requests as well. I'm so sorry if it's taking too long.
Anyway, in this part of the story, Anahita and her sister Lyra take Michael to see Caroline; a Seer who might help him with the choices he has to make. This this the part Caroline is introduced and we first see her and her house.
Your comments and opinions are most welcome, and really appreciated.
~Aty
-----
Out of the passage was plain like the spot we'd stopped the car, but large and looking like a vast yard; a fence secured the edges, and the trees and bushes were trimmed. At the end of the yard up against the mountainside sat a dozen stones that ended to a wide two-story house. The smoke coming out of the chimney, which split the house in the middle, dissipated into wisps in the chilly air. The whole structure was made of large black stone bricks. The stones were worn and smooth, and they reflected the pale light of the sun. Two small balconies were positioned on either side of the chimney. All the windows were dressed with green curtains.
“Actually it’s not as scary at it seems,” Anahita said, considering the black house with me.
“It’s not scary,” I said. “It’s unique.”
Lyra slouched toward the wooden door as I walked to the fence, captivated by the view. It kind of had me reconsider my doubts in Caroline’s sanity. The cold metal fence felt pretty solid when I shook it, so I leaned more over the barrier, scanning the cliffs in the distance. We hadn’t gone as high as I thought we had. The whole place was on a cliff probably higher than any of the other cliffs overlooking the ocean from Eagle Valley. The infinite grayish-blue water met the cold azure sky at the horizon. All in all, it was awesome.
“Caroline!” Lyra shouted, hammering the wooden door several times and shifting her feet constantly to warm herself; I’d almost forgotten how frigid it was up here.
“Come on,” Anahita said. She headed toward the house and I followed her.
The moment we reached the door up the stairs it swung open, and Lyra brushed past a tall, lean woman in a long black dress.
“In case you’re not aware,” she told Anahita, not acknowledging me. Her voice was calm but rough, like a serious smoker’s voice. She had an odd accent and enunciated the words one by one. She pointed to Anahita’s clothes. “It is the twenty-first century.”
“Michael, this is Caroline,” Anahita introduced us without turning to her.
“Oh, hello!” Caroline said with a sudden outburst of a warm smile as though I were her old friend. Before meeting Caroline, I had pictured her a gray-haired woman with dirty nails and black teeth, wearing layers of gypsy clothes, beads, and bracelets, and smelling like spices. But that image was completely off the mark. She looked to be in her fifties, didn’t wear beads or charms, and didn’t have messy hair at all. Her dark eyes twinkled, and her thick jet-black hair, straight and shiny, made her seem like a transformed crow. Her facial features were delicate, as though sculptured—a thin nose and thick lips. She was probably one of the few tan people in Eagle Valley, like Iryana.
She held her hand out to me, the veins visible under her skin.
“Nice to meet you,” I said and took her hand. It wasn’t soft, despite the look. When I wanted to let go, she tightened her grip, smiling as her stare pricked into my eyes.
“Precisely,” she said. I wondered if by this she meant she just had an image of me like I did of her. “Come in.” She turned on her heel. “Take your shoes off. They’d stain the carpets.”
Anahita rolled her eyes.
“Ladies first,” I told her. She bent to take her boots off. I did the same. “She’s odd.”
“Don’t pay attention to everything she does or says,” she whispered back. “You’d lose your mind.”
We put our boots beside Lyra’s shoes inside. I closed the door and followed Anahita in. The inside of Caroline’s house was far different from the mysterious expression of its outside appearance, but it was just as unique. The main door opened to the living room, which overtook most of the first floor. The walls, the floor, and even the stairs in front of the door were of black stone, and the ones under my feet were pleasantly warm. Next to the worn-out couches was a dining table, and the house was void of decorations. The noon light filtered through the dark-green curtains, providing a sleepy atmosphere.
Lyra rubbed her hands together in front of the fireplace. Caroline strode toward the stairs and pointed to her dress. “You’ll have to excuse me. Can’t stand the color.”
Is she kidding? Her whole house is freaking black.
She turned away and walked up the stairs. Lyra silently followed her. I turned to Anahita, who gave me an I-told-you-so look and went to the dining table.
