My apologies for being away for a while, life has been quite hectic of late. I shall wholeheartedly try to give more time to the forums.
If possible could some of you offer me feedback on this short piece. It is the beginning of chapter of my WIP which has seen some major overhaul of late.
Many Thanks
Stephen
Chapter 1
The spectre of his continuing failure hung over him, driving him ever closer to an abyss of his own making. Though he persisted in his quest to fulfill his father’s dying wish, Janus felt the roots of doubt take hold of him, wrapping around him, chaining him to the poison chalice which he had willingly accepted.
In his old age, he had hoped to find the wisdom which is the promise of age, though he now knew that to be nothing more than a fallacy, perpetuated by the old to make the young embrace their mortality. He freely admitted to himself that he was indeed no closer to a great epiphany than he had been five hundred years ago.
He danced with his demons even with his waking eyes, the strain of which was beginning to show on his already aged features. The catalyst which sent him down this journey still haunted him. The loss of his world and his people was like a knife stuck in Janus’s heart. Every breath that he drew causing him fresh pain. Janus had begun to suspect that he left the knife there intentionally, that even after all this time he could not let go of the past. These black musings were the consequence of isolation, to which he had become all too familiar.
Janus wondered whether Fate conspired against him. Honestly he would not of blamed her if that the case, he had been conspiring against her for long enough. When Arraymais had recused him, Janus had asked Arraymais why he had saved him, and only him. Arraymais had simply replied that he was a mere pawn of Fate. Janus was never quite sure if Arraymais was serious or not, but he resolved from that point onwards, never to be subjugated by anyone, even Fate.
It amused him that he pissed off Fate. Samu had taught him better and he was aware that he should have been better, but no one’s perfect. Samu had taught him to be above destructive emotions such as hate but Janus could never rise above it. When he was a young boy, he had said to Samu that he did not understand what it was like to hate deeply. Samu had laughed at him. “Janus, you are not the only one to lose all that you’ve known. Remember, that Vekellis was responsible for Serenity’s destruction as well. My dear son, while you were a boy unable to even take up arms, I was a young man in my prime. Still I could do nothing. Do you think that I did not feel hate?”
Of course Samu had felt hate but he had been able to let it go. Samu had taught Janus everything that he knew, except how to let go of his hate. He peered out the oval window to his right. Millions of stars streaked past, their essence intertwining with each other forming a dripping pallet. The absence of all blue from the pallett was something which in modern times had grown into normality. Janus wondered if he was the only one who really cared about it anymore.
He remembered when Arraymais had first brought him to Serena and Samu had first adopted him. His hatred was so intense that he rejected Samu’s kindness. He even ran away. He ran so far into the fields and forests that he was sure no one would ever find him again. Then he climbed a tree and enjoyed his isolation. The night had come quickly, much sooner than he had expected. Janus remember the feeling of his hate being drowned by the sea of fear which rose up, then the night came. Samu found him and protected him. From that moment on Janus called Samu father.
Then before Janus knew it, Samu was gone. Janus was alone once again. On his deathbed, Samu had made Janus promise him too continue his mission. Janus did as his father asked. Eight hundred years later, here he was, still no closer to completing his father’s work as he was the day he started.
Part of him wanted to give up, he could admit that. Janus had his own son now, and through his hatred and loyalty, they were growing apart. That was Janus had made a decision. He was going home. He would not forfeit his mission. But, Janus knew that he had to be a father. His boy was now a young man and he need a father’s guiding hand.
So to that end Janus had resolved to make the long journey toward the North.
His progress toward that goal had been incident ridden. Janus had been attracting unwanted attention of late, and that was perhaps the one real positive. Janus could not help feeling that he was perhaps at last getting closer him. Janus smiled to himself devilishly. The very thought that may have upset The Whisper filled him with a dark pleasure. Still, his last escape had been far too close for comfort, from now on he needed to keep a low profile. A very low profile. So to that end, he had paid some drug smugglers for passage to a spaceport named Tia. The smugglers accommodation was far less than comfortable but on the upside, he severely doubted that any agent of The Whisper would look for him here.
If possible could some of you offer me feedback on this short piece. It is the beginning of chapter of my WIP which has seen some major overhaul of late.
Many Thanks
Stephen
Chapter 1
The spectre of his continuing failure hung over him, driving him ever closer to an abyss of his own making. Though he persisted in his quest to fulfill his father’s dying wish, Janus felt the roots of doubt take hold of him, wrapping around him, chaining him to the poison chalice which he had willingly accepted.
In his old age, he had hoped to find the wisdom which is the promise of age, though he now knew that to be nothing more than a fallacy, perpetuated by the old to make the young embrace their mortality. He freely admitted to himself that he was indeed no closer to a great epiphany than he had been five hundred years ago.
He danced with his demons even with his waking eyes, the strain of which was beginning to show on his already aged features. The catalyst which sent him down this journey still haunted him. The loss of his world and his people was like a knife stuck in Janus’s heart. Every breath that he drew causing him fresh pain. Janus had begun to suspect that he left the knife there intentionally, that even after all this time he could not let go of the past. These black musings were the consequence of isolation, to which he had become all too familiar.
Janus wondered whether Fate conspired against him. Honestly he would not of blamed her if that the case, he had been conspiring against her for long enough. When Arraymais had recused him, Janus had asked Arraymais why he had saved him, and only him. Arraymais had simply replied that he was a mere pawn of Fate. Janus was never quite sure if Arraymais was serious or not, but he resolved from that point onwards, never to be subjugated by anyone, even Fate.
It amused him that he pissed off Fate. Samu had taught him better and he was aware that he should have been better, but no one’s perfect. Samu had taught him to be above destructive emotions such as hate but Janus could never rise above it. When he was a young boy, he had said to Samu that he did not understand what it was like to hate deeply. Samu had laughed at him. “Janus, you are not the only one to lose all that you’ve known. Remember, that Vekellis was responsible for Serenity’s destruction as well. My dear son, while you were a boy unable to even take up arms, I was a young man in my prime. Still I could do nothing. Do you think that I did not feel hate?”
Of course Samu had felt hate but he had been able to let it go. Samu had taught Janus everything that he knew, except how to let go of his hate. He peered out the oval window to his right. Millions of stars streaked past, their essence intertwining with each other forming a dripping pallet. The absence of all blue from the pallett was something which in modern times had grown into normality. Janus wondered if he was the only one who really cared about it anymore.
He remembered when Arraymais had first brought him to Serena and Samu had first adopted him. His hatred was so intense that he rejected Samu’s kindness. He even ran away. He ran so far into the fields and forests that he was sure no one would ever find him again. Then he climbed a tree and enjoyed his isolation. The night had come quickly, much sooner than he had expected. Janus remember the feeling of his hate being drowned by the sea of fear which rose up, then the night came. Samu found him and protected him. From that moment on Janus called Samu father.
Then before Janus knew it, Samu was gone. Janus was alone once again. On his deathbed, Samu had made Janus promise him too continue his mission. Janus did as his father asked. Eight hundred years later, here he was, still no closer to completing his father’s work as he was the day he started.
Part of him wanted to give up, he could admit that. Janus had his own son now, and through his hatred and loyalty, they were growing apart. That was Janus had made a decision. He was going home. He would not forfeit his mission. But, Janus knew that he had to be a father. His boy was now a young man and he need a father’s guiding hand.
So to that end Janus had resolved to make the long journey toward the North.
His progress toward that goal had been incident ridden. Janus had been attracting unwanted attention of late, and that was perhaps the one real positive. Janus could not help feeling that he was perhaps at last getting closer him. Janus smiled to himself devilishly. The very thought that may have upset The Whisper filled him with a dark pleasure. Still, his last escape had been far too close for comfort, from now on he needed to keep a low profile. A very low profile. So to that end, he had paid some drug smugglers for passage to a spaceport named Tia. The smugglers accommodation was far less than comfortable but on the upside, he severely doubted that any agent of The Whisper would look for him here.
