The Hells (reworked from w/group) 1.4k

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RJM Corbet

Deus Pascus Corvus
Mar 25, 2011
Devon UK
While these events were taking place upon Elotia, The Three were once again upon the innerspace fifth dimensional roadways of Cephanti, where spiritual forms that had been invisible to them in the normal fourth dimensional space now became visible.

Now once again an angel city rode next to them, to guide them out upon the roadways of Cephanti, angel chieftain of the arc, through a region that at first seemed to hold four dark worlds. But as they came closer, Eldrinda and Sumadji realized with horror that the four planets were in fact composed of huge knots of screaming, wailing spirits, tangled into rotting hells of darkness and terror and of eternal, unrelieved despair.

The bodies of the twisted forms within the hells were covered with suppurating, maggot infested wounds, and knotted so tightly together that they were contorted into broken, torturous positions. The din and stench were unbelievable. So great was their number and so closely were they packed that the compression generated a fearsome heat as they cried hopelessly for water within the crushed and burning darkness, where they had already been trapped for many thousands of years.

Yet strangely, Eldrinda and Sumadji observed that those upon the outer levels were not trying to climb upwards in an attempt, however futile, to gain at least some relief from their suffering , but were instead trying to burrow deeper down into the putrid, stinking mass, to where the heat and pain were even worse.

It was only now, as they came closer, that Eldrinda and Sumadji saw that the dreadful planets were surrounded by moving lights which were the angels of Cephanti working trying to peel off spirits from the outer layers. Some of the angels carried rods of fire, and others rods of water.

Most of the tormented spirits, when they saw the pure rods, screamed in fear and tried to burrow deeper, but there were a few still able in their terrible madness to recognize the holy rods as beacons of escape and to move towards them, each one according to it’s own nature, towards either the rods of fire or water, and to break free to where the angels could heal and comfort them, and bear them upward into higher regions. For thousands of years the angels had been working to clear the hells.

Here four false gods had once amassed great and splendid aetherean kingdoms for themselves.

The natural life of man is short but there is within every man a soul or spirit which progresses onward after the death of his natural body.

Timeless, the soul is always drawn upward, gaining power and knowledge as it grows towards the ever receding eternal light of Eloih, progressing through higher dimensions, until even the lowliest soul is destined one day to become one of the mighty spiritual beings that men call ‘angels’.

And as each angel grows in power and knowledge, it will be given greater tasks and responsibilities and drawing ever closer to Eloih, the source of joy, creating and destroying worlds, and caring for worlds, and groups of worlds, and arcs of space, and men will look upward and call him a god, who once, like them, was born into a natural body.

It may be that when a man realizes at last the futility of his appetite for the rewards and pleasures of the natural dimension, that he turns to his God, whatever he conceives that God to be, and prays simply: ‘Help me, please.’

It may be, in answer to his prayer, that Eloih will now begin to strip that man of all his material and emotional possessions, until he stands alone, possessing nothing but his soul, and crying for all that he believes he has lost, until suddenly, in a moment of enlightenment that can only come from such a state of emptiness he realizes that, unencumbered by the weight of material possessions and desires, he is now free to rise away from all that held him down before.

The four false gods had once been powerful angels in the service of Cephanti, the angel chieftain of the arc, but they had become proud. Pride in a man is a destructive sin, but pride of angels is truly terrible. Perhaps it began slowly. Perhaps at first the four great angels were pleased to receive the prayers of men.

Perhaps they began to enjoy the adulation they received from men, on behalf of the Great Spirit Eloih, without whom they would in fact be nothing and have no power at all, and to desire more. So they agreed to divide up the world into four earthly kingdoms, and each to encourage the mortals of his own kingdom to worship him alone, rewarding with good fortune the mortals who worshipped them, and punishing those who did not, and when mortals died, the four would harvest to themselves the souls who worshipped them, to build for them great aetherean kingdoms where they would live surrounded by the worship of their subjects.

When a mortal died, his soul would see the god he worshipped seated upon a splendid throne at the end of a roadway of light. He would approach his god upon his knees, and be accepted into the aetherean kingdom of the false god he worshipped.

So for thousands of years the four false gods created fabulous heavens for themselves and for their subjects, each subject believing that his soul had found paradise. And so, instead of rising into the infinite realms, these poor souls were trapped forever into the false heavens of their own false gods, never knowing or believing they had any greater destiny.

The four false gods, as their wealth and power increased, caused lewdness and promiscuity amongst the mortals of their worldly kingdoms, causing them to breed in ever greater numbers, then they caused war and disease amongst those mortals, in order to harvest more to aggrandize their aetherean kingdoms, while the angels of Cephanti wept. For they were powerless to intervene in the affairs of those mortals, without their invitation, in accordance with the law of free will, whereas the false powers await no invitation.

For thousands of years this situation continued, but the size of the aetherean plateaux were eventually limited to the power of the false gods who had created them and now, as the false heavens began to become over-burdened they began to sink, slowly at first and then faster and faster, towards the stench of the lower regions where the four had once worked to harvest souls for Cephanti, and only now did they begin to realize their error.

Their first reaction was to abandon their mortal kingdoms, and so the earth fell to confusion, the mortals believing their gods had abandoned them. And as their souls approached the false heavens, the false gods turned them away. But still the heavens continued to sink, as the four cast off souls from their plateaux into the abyss, until the space between the false heavens and the earth was filled with raging and fearful spirits trying to swarm back upon the aetherean plateaux.

At the same time the souls upon the plateaux believing that their gods were now rejecting them, began to press inward upon their gods, imploring their forgiveness, in order to remain upon the plateaux, which they believed offered their only protection from the madness around them. They crushed inward in ever growing numbers as the false gods screamed: “I’m not your god. Leave me alone!”

Thus, howling mad and gods no longer, the four became trapped at the centre of the tightening knots of the hells that had once been their splendid heavens, while the angels of Cephanti worked with rods of fire and water to save the souls in the abyss and to unravel the hells, in order one day, many thousands of years in the future, perhaps to free the false gods who were trapped in the centre.
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The previous version has now disappeared, so I can't compare them to work out where you've lost the 1100 words, but this is much better. The history now comes across as a separate story in itself, and is much tighter and better shaped.

What you've done here is exactly the opposite of what I advised. I think I suggested presenting it more from Eldrinda's POV. What you've done instead is effectively push Eldrinda to one side and address the reader directly as the narrator. It definitely seems to work here, and the reault is an interesting piece of invented theology.

A few of your sentences are still too convoluted. Within reason, you need to keep things simple if you're presenting ideas in as dense a way as this. But overall, I thought it a big improvement.
This is really dense theology. If that's what you're trying to write as a fiction story it seems to be succeeding but I can't see it making it as a story if the whole thing is like this. Then again, who knows, it might be Harry Potter for adults.
Thanks a lot HB & JD for reading through.

Joan, there are several other passages from Erlos buried in this crits forum.

Thanks again :)
Wow, I love the theological idea you have here! For me it got better the further I read, the beginning took a while to read well with rhythm, but once you started to explain the false gods it got much better...there are a few close repetitions of words in the first third I think, close enough for me to notice and read back to check I hadn't lost a line somewhere, which should be fairly easy to fix. However the set up for this reads a little too much like a set up for the theology which is a shame. Your rhythm doesn't really appear until the "Timeless" paragraph and it gets stonger from there, before that it gets a little lost, twisting to fit the extras and set up you wanted before the theology. This may be because I haven't seen the piece preceeding and you may just be switching melodies from the travellers to the theology explaining narrator; but as it is, the first part reads a little repetative of the second part, without horrifying the reader enough with the explantion...eugh that didn't really make sense. I think what I mean is the first part is not quite horrifying enough to merit describing it before the theology is explained. It needs to be full of despair and hopelessness, then the reader will feel even more pity once they understand the how and why, and the repeaty bits won't be as noticeable...

I do love the theology, absolutely wonderful, I'd happily read more of it...that's always my problem though, I get so caught up in the histories I get a little upset when the author returns me to the story.
A dimension is a concept of grouping information. So color in a room can be a dimension and densities ect. and ect. We have 3 spacial dimensions that can describe the location of data relative to other data. Only 3 is needed to render a usefull spacial reality set. If one Awareness was in mulitiple Spacial realities or an objects location was apart of multiple realities then, that Awareness or object's location would have a higher number of spacial dimensions total. Realites can exist where location of an object is mathmatically tied to many subset rule set's location, but this reality would be less spacial as we know and more conceptual and less consistance for Awarneses such as ours. The reality you are going for would have a rule set that allows Awarness to operate on More data. I just feel that in few years in the future all the new age 4rth deminsion and 4th density, higher vibrations people will think back and go, IyiYi.
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