The Gate Keeper.

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Evelinn

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Each reality is but the dream of another, and each
This was an idea I suddenly had while walking in my street looking at all the very normal houses. Who knows what people do behind their doors? We all wear faces in public. What if someone had to wear a face? had to hide what went on behind a closed door...


The Gate Keeper


It was an ordinary looking house, in an ordinary looking street.
Ordinary looking people trudged by, not noticing the house in the slightest.

And like most houses; this one had a door, though it was not an ordinary door at all. It might look ordinary to the ordinary people in the ordinary street.

No, this was not just any house with just any door. In fact the door was a gateway to another dimension.

But the ordinary people had no notion of this, it was too far out of their ordinary lives and their ordinary thoughts to even contemplate such an absurd possibility.

Mr Anderson though, he knew better, after all it was his ordinary house and his not quite so ordinary door.

It had not always been an unusual door, at least not in the beginning. But Mr Anderson was too tired to think of the past; the past is much better left behind, he thought. Much better indeed.

No, this old man looked to the future, he thought vigorously and felt his back twist in a cramp as he tried straightening out.

Well, his ambition would not be lost even if he had to hunch his shoulders while he walked.

He passed through the tall gate to his house like he had done every day at precisely two o’clock. Everyday for three hundred years, give or take, the memories were a little rusted.

His cat Fluffy leisurely stretched himself in the rocking chair on the modest sized porch.

Fluffy was one of those cats perfectly described by its name, not like his younger brother Tits. Anderson did not want to dwell on how the poor fellah had gotten such an un-catlike name. Tits had belonged to his sister a long time ago, a very long time ago.

He looked around nervously, the neighbours would be peeking through their curtains. It was quite bothersome having to uphold this outwardly normal looking existence.

If the world knew what he knew; it could shake the foundation of society into a crumbled heap of political pebbles.

Rummaging through his coat pocket Mr Anderson produced an unusual looking key. Yes, all unusual looking doors had to have an unusual looking key. It was just the way of things.

A crumpled piece of paper fell out along with the key. Mr Anderson bent down to pick it up and let out a groan as his back made alarming noises.

“You could have asked me to fetch it you know.” Said Fluffy, but did not show the posture of someone about to move.

“Hmm. Likely.” Said Anderson in a contemptuous manner and stretched out a knuckled hand to retrieve the bit of paper.

It was a note; clearly written by himself—carelessly scribbled letters like that of a really old Doctor with parkinsons-decease—covered the creased jot.

He would read it later, he told himself and stuffed it back into his pocket.

The unusual key fit perfectly in the unusual door, the door even made an unusual sound as he opened it. Like a stuck refrigerator door suddenly releasing its vacuum after endless pulling.

The ordinary looking house actually had a ordinary looking living room, who would have guessed?

Mr Anderson placed the key on a little shelf as he always did—three minutes past two—everyday. Though today it might actually be four minutes past two.

Ordinary people used to say Mr Anderson was a crazy old man and the fact that every evening he would stand on his porch an shout for his cats to come in for the night, well, it really didn’t help the situation.

“Fluffy, Tits!” His voice would echo off the neighbouring houses. Mrs Rose next door would stick her head out of her bathroom window and shout in return: “Believe me, you don’t want that!”

But that would not happen until nine o’clock. First he would cook dinner.

Reaching his hand into a kitchen cupboard; he took out a fresh tomato, in another cupboard he found...well, let’s just say it was not food.

The shifting of dimensions could sometimes be a little...moody.

Predictability, not such a strange thing for an old man living in an unstable dimension to want. And he grasped hungrily at it as often as he could.

Random occurrences was a big part of life for Anderson, the little predictability he managed to scrounge up was all that kept him slightly sane.

If everything went according to plan; tree o’clock he would eat his dinner, four o’clock he would take a nap and from five to nine he would watch TV.

But not TV from the human world, oh no, that was far too boring for someone like Mr Anderson.

What Anderson called a TV might look like a TV to ordinary people, but this was nothing like a box with pictures in it.

The only thing that could possibly be called unusual in his living room was a slightly tattered couch; mismatched to the rest of the furniture with a colourful eye-twisting pattern of...well, there was no way to describe it really.

The colours seemed to change as he looked at it, and it moved around in the room at its own will.

Sometimes when he came home from his ordinary job; the couch would be on the other side of the room, or perhaps in the kitchen. It was even observed on the ceiling once.

That had certainly been an interesting day. Anderson shook his grizzled head and tried not to think of the past.

No, the couch was defiantly not ordinary, not on earth anyway. It came from one of the other dimensions. If he sat in it; a kind of screen would appear in front of him and he could look into the other worlds.

“I’m hungry.” Tits jumped up on the kitchen counter. Anderson turned in the doorway to the living room, still holding the tomato.

He had let his mind wonder again. It would be such a relief when he could turn his unusual job as Gate Keeper over to someone else.

The only problem with that was that it would have to be someone from the other side this time.
 
Hyphens, hyphens, arrgh!:) Way Station(C. Simak) similitude...
Defiantly not-ordinary couch is good.

It was an ordinary-looking house, on an ordinary-looking street.
Ordinary-looking people trudged by, not paying the house the slightest attention.
Like most houses, this one had a door, not an ordinary door at all, though it might have looked ordinary to the ordinary people passing in the street.
No, this was not just any house, or just any door. In reality, this door was a gateway - to another dimension. (eerie music)
The ordinary people had no notion of this; such an absurd possibility was too far away from their ordinary lives and their ordinary thoughts for them to have even contemplated it.
Mr. Anderson though, he knew better. After all, it was his ordinary house and his not-quite-so-ordinary door.
It had not always been an unusual door, at least not in the beginning, but Mr Anderson was too tired to think of the past.
The past is much better left behind. Much better indeed. This old man is looking to the future.
He plodded wearily toward his ordinary house. His back suddenly twisted in a cramp, and he halted and tried straightening it out, unsuccessfully. Well, his ambition would not be lost even if he had to hunch his shoulders while he walked.
 
Couple of typos:
really old Doctor with parkinsons-decease—covered the creased jot.
The "doctor" doesn't require a capital "D", as is is merely descriptive, not a title, and, above all, "Parkinson's disease", capital P, possessive apostrophe, and not death.

Yes, all unusual looking doors had to have an unusual looking key
It might look ordinary to the ordinary people

He looked around nervously, the neighbours would be peeking through their curtains.
Semicolon instead of comma

Reaching his hand into a kitchen cupboard; he took out a fresh tomato,
no semicolon

Random occurrences was a big part of life for Anderson,
plural occurrences=were

If everything went according to plan; tree o’clock he would eat his dinner
Three o'clock, obviously, but I'm none too sure of that semicolon, either.

He had let his mind wonder again.
This might be what you intended to say, but I suspect it was "wander".
 
Carefully he lifted Tits down from the counter. “Bad Tits!” He growled.

The cat just gave him one of his unfazed expressions and trotted off to his bowl on the floor by the window, lifting his tail as if to protest. Tits was definitely not an ordinary cat.

Even with his magically extended lifespan, old age was now catching up with him. Though old might not suffice; more like ancient.

He had seen nations rise and fall, lived through two world-wars and seen technology propel humanity into new eras.

Thingamajigs like computers and mobile phones that simply did not want to cooperate with him had slowly but surely found their way into his life.

It was no use opposing change, it was just one of those things that eventually happened to everyone. Unless you lived in a cave somewhere in the uncharted Amazon jungle of course.

As Anderson was about to sit himself down by the kitchen table, he remembered the note. Sticking his hand into his coat pocket he found nothing but a hole, twiddling his fingers to see if the hole went right through, he was not surprised to find that it did.

The other pocket held a series of items but nothing like a note unfortunately.

Sighing he took off his coat and was about to hang it on its peg like he always did at half past two. But the coat fell to the floor as the little wooden peg had now moved a few inches.

It was the little things—they were the worst—the most annoying. He preferred order; a place for everything and everything in its place. Though order usually never happened to him. A place for everything, but nothing in its place, now that was more true to reality. At least in his reality.

The gateway was not like any ordinary gateway, of course, but rather an intermediate; a kind of transit where you could choose which world you would like to enter.

And Mr. Anderson had been to four-hundred, or was it four-hundred-fifty now..? Anyway, he had travelled quite a lot in his many years, in fact he had become quite the explorer.

He had seen things no other human could possibly imagine and yet here on earth he lived in obscurity never to have his name remembered.

Except perhaps by a scarce few who would only remember him as the old madman that talked to his cats—ordinary people could not speak to cats, of course, not even when they were drunk, though they might believe they could—no, Mr Anderson was special, and most people in the street knew that for a fact.

They all knew he was mad, they just didn’t know why.

“Haven’t you forgotten something?”

“I have always forgotten something, what is it this time Fluffy?” Anderson took a bite of the tomato and discovered it was not a tomato at all.

It had a slightly foul taste, nothing he could describe though, and he spat the piece into his hand. “God awful stuff.”

“You were supposed to write her a letter. You asked me to remind you, though it might have been a few weeks ago...”

“The what now? I don’t know anyone who would want a letter from me.”

“Hmm, I suppose it’s gotten worse now.” Tits had finished his meal and joined Fluffy on the floor by Anderson’s chair.

“Worse? What are you crazy cats going on about?”

“You know when you want to remember something specific, you’ll have to run it trough your mind a few times to make it stick.”

Fluffy pressed his flat face into Anderson’s leg and started purring, though not in a cute way, nothing that cat ever did was cute.

It was more a case of `I own you you know, and I’m going to rub my face on your leg because I want to, and everyone is going to think I do it because I love you...suckers.`

Cats were mischievous buggers, but Fluffy and Tits were special: They kept the small creatures at bay; the various beings that might sneak through the gateway undetected by Anderson.

A lot of things seemed to escape him these days though.

His mind was stuffed full of information, how could he possibly remember it all? Some of it he would very much like to forget, but no, the bad stuff was, of course, the things that stuck.

His mind was like a filing cabinet where almost all the files were misplaced or missing completely.

“Well, out with it then, who was I supposed to write a letter to?”

“Your daughter, you silly old man.”

“If there is anything silly in this house, it’s not me.” He declared and gently showed Fluffy out of the way as he stood up.

“A daughter you say? I didn’t know I had one of those.” Mr Anderson said thoughtfully and stared at something inside his head.

Fluffy rolled his eyes dejectedly and looked at his younger brother. “This is definitely not a good sign, not good at all.”

Anderson scratched his head and poured himself a cup of tea, at least he hoped it was tea this time.

A careful sniff at the brown liquid confirmed it was and he took a large swallow. Scorching the inside of his mouth, since tea was usually hot.

“The note you dropped on the porch, it was a reminder.” Fluffy continued saying while sticking his front legs out and his butt in the air taking a good stretch.

“Do we have to spell everything out for you?” Tits brushed up against the door frame and gave him a hopeless look.

“Yes, no, I mean I remember my daughter, sort of. I just haven’t seen her for a very long time.”

Something tickled in the back of his mind, like a feather duster removing greased old grit from the part of his brain that held his memories.

“Yes, Eva is her name. But she lives in a world beyond the gate.”

“Wow, it’s like a rusty wheel grinding and screeching as it’s glacially being turned.” Said Fluffy in his usual sarcastic manner.

Yes, most cats were the masters of sarcasm, it was just another of those truths that simply were.

“But why was I going to write her a letter?”

“You never told, you just said I had to remind you.”

“Wonderful...” He drawled. The sarcasm was not only used by cats.
 
It’s my first attempt at writing humour. I thought since I consider myself to be a little humoristic in real life, why not try putting some of it down on paper?
It is extremely fun to write, and I thought I would make this into a book

Thanks Chris and J Riff for your critiques :)
 
No, this was not just any house with just any door. In fact the door was a gateway to another dimension.

Be careful with statements like this as they are seen as info-dumping by many writers.

But the ordinary people had no notion of this, it was too far out of their ordinary lives and their ordinary thoughts to even contemplate such an absurd possibility.

Mr Anderson though, he knew better, after all it was his ordinary house and his not quite so ordinary door.

It had not always been an unusual door, at least not in the beginning. But Mr Anderson was too tired to think of the past; the past is much better left behind, he thought. Much better indeed.

No, this old man looked to the future, he thought vigorously and felt his back twist in a cramp as he tried straightening out.

You are in a strong story-telling mood here. Many things are viewed as telling and in places you could have started showing us. But fear not, I understand that this is your style.

Fluffy was one of those cats perfectly described by its name, not like his younger brother Tits. Anderson did not want to dwell on how the poor fellah had gotten such an un-catlike name. Tits had belonged to his sister a long time ago, a very long time ago.

I like your humour, especially in the naming as it made to chuckle.

Rummaging through his coat pocket Mr Anderson produced an unusual looking key. Yes, all unusual looking doors had to have an unusual looking key. It was just the way of things.

The whole piece has been written from a narrator perspective, so keep at it, and don't dwell into the close third.

“You could have asked me to fetch it you know.” Said Fluffy, but did not show the posture of someone about to move.

Grammar. When you use the said that the comma comes before you end the double quotation mark.

"This is not good," said Fluffy as he stared his nearly dead prey covered in mud and faeces. "I bet it tastes as bad as what it looks."

“Hmm. Likely.” Said Anderson in a contemptuous manner and stretched out a knuckled hand to retrieve the bit of paper.

It was a note; clearly written by himself—carelessly scribbled letters like that of a really old Doctor with parkinsons-decease—covered the creased jot.

Your telling strongly in the second paragraph. You could try to write it to show better the "good" old doctor scribblings.

“Fluffy, Tits!” His voice would echo off the neighbouring houses. Mrs Rose next door would stick her head out of her bathroom window and shout in return: “Believe me, you don’t want that!”

But that would not happen until nine o’clock. First he would cook dinner.

What does this piece of information brings into the story? If it has no function then please don't drop it in to confuse the audience.

Carefully he lifted Tits down from the counter. “Bad Tits!” He growled.

He carefully lifted Tits from the counter and then growled doesn't go well together. You cannot be angry and kind at the same time. Another thing that you can do with this is to think how he really would behave.

He shoved Tits off from the counter and then leaned over to growl, "Bad Tits. Bad!"

But that example takes you into the world of close third point of view. Therefore you need to reword this para.

The other pocket held a series of items but nothing like a note unfortunately.

At this point I had to start thinking about what not until I realised that it was the doctor's note. So, maybe you could rewrite this to show us what you mean.

Cats were mischievous buggers, but Fluffy and Tits were special: They kept the small creatures at bay; the various beings that might sneak through the gateway undetected by Anderson.

Repetition. We know that they are special, so why to repeat it to the reader?

At this point I have lost the plot - if there was one - and I'm not sure where you are heading with this story.

What happened to the note?
 
The note and Anderson’s past are supposed to be the treads that strings the story along. The note is written by Anderson himself. He thinks his handwriting resembles that of an elderly doctor with Parkinsons-decease. (Doctors being renown for their bad handwriting, and the shaking that happens to someone with Parkinsons-decease makes for a very unclear note)
Thank you for giving it such thorough attention, it’s nice to know how others perceive it. :)
 
I think the pace is a bit too leisurely. It is though it is all set-up and no story. Of course if it is going to be a novel you have more time for the set-up, but it still seems slow. That may be due in part to a certain wordiness, like saying that you can't describe the pattern on the couch, when in fact you have done so, and done it quite well: "eye-twisting." Or when you say that he isn't just old but ancient, when you've already mentioned that he's been doing the same thing for three-hundred years. Readers already know that he is extraordinarily old, so a sentence like

Though old might not suffice; more like ancient.

just slows things down. Yes, it's only one sentence, but if you look through the whole piece and find other examples like that, you will probably find that they add up to a great many unnecessary words. Eliminate tose, and the pace should pick up, without losing anything.

Also, there is, as ctg says, a strong flavor of a storyteller relating a story. That's going to be hard to sustain for an entire book and still hold a reader's attention. At novel length, you really need to bring us in to the story along with the character, instead of watching him from a slight distance. Which means that the story would probably benefit from more showing and less telling.

I realize that you repeat certain words like "ordinary" and "unusual" as a rhetorical device and that the repetitions are there for a very specific purpose. Even knowing that, they began to grate on me a bit. I think there should be more variations on those two words after a few paragraphs. I'm not suggesting that you come down with a case of thesaurus-itis but if you were to use a variety of synonyms for "ordinary" and "unusual" it might be more fun, for you and for readers.
 
Thanks Teresa. Haha thesaurus-itis. That`s an illness I`d rather avoid. :)

It`s going to be a novel, I started writing it only a few days ago and wanted to hear what you thought of it. I see the teaspoon-feeding though, I guess I repeat myself often in real life too. Anyway, now that I know what I need to change, I`m off to fix it :)
 
First passage:

I haven't read it thoroughly, mainly because of what I'm about to write.

The format is just too much in terms of paragraph spacing. It's almost as bad a a wall of text. Normally such a style indicates a conversation/exchange (as in the second passage) but this is mainly just tell tell tell. I found it difficult to read as a result. My simple neanderthal brain has been programmed to expect speech in one sentence spaced text/paragraphs and when it isn't it gets upset. Maybe that's my problem, but since I'm extinct it's going to be difficult to change.

The other thing that jarred, and this would be the case regardless of what genre or setting, is the name Mr Anderson.

IMO Mr. Anderson is now dead to the world as a character name. That name has had it's fifteen minutes of fame and whenever it appears especially in a SFF setting the reader is going to be thinking

! MATRIX !

Maybe this is also because I'm a neanderthal, but I suspect with that name there are few of us still walking about searching for a comfy cave.
 
Hehe, he had to have a name that was so common that no one would really notice it in the “normal world” I was actually going to call him Mr. Smith, but that wouldn’t have changed matters much I think. Anyway, the story is very different from the Matrix.

Here comes the rest of the introduction:



He decided he would write it later, perhaps by then he would remember why he was supposed to write it in the first place.

A quick glance at his wrist watch told him it was now time for a nap.

There was nothing out of the ordinary about his bedroom either. The queen-sized bed was meticulously made, and everything seemed to be in order, at least outwardly.

Mr. Hooters sat perched on his branch just out side the bedroom window. Deep asleep as usual at this time in the afternoon.

He undressed quickly and avoided looking in the mirror by the night stand. Nightmares was not something he needed now.

Eva... How could he have forgotten her? The files containing memories of her in his mind-cabinet, had been sealed with a kind of thought-duck-tape.

And everyone knew that duck-tape was the solution to just about any type of problem. The problem with sealing off memories though, was that they had a tendency to pop up at inconvenient moments. But not when you needed them the most, certainly not then, that would mean something in Anderson’s mind actually worked the way it should.

Sighing heavily, he climbed into the bed. The sheets were white with little pink flowers in a spiralling pattern, but the pillow cover didn’t match the duvet. It was the same with his socks too.

Most people blamed a monster living in their washing machines for eating their socks and underwear, some even claimed there really did exist a dimension for lost small-clothes. If only they knew how close to the truth they were.

Mr. Anderson though, he actually had a monster in his washer, and his name was Fred.

There were dimensions for just about anything; one for every emotion, one for every colour, there was even one where kitchen utensils ruled the world.

They were not all worlds like this one though: Some were so unlike anything you’d ever seen—simply too strange for a normal mind to comprehend—that even Anderson could not explain them.

A new dimension seemed to spring into existence every time someone had a thought.

Fred, for instance, came from the dimension of things that had been lost: The dark place where your spare keys and credit cards—and all the rest of the vital stuff you would use hours frantically looking for—went.

Perhaps Fred would know where the note was...? At that thought Anderson drifted into sleep.

Blissfully unaware in his unconscious state, he slept soundly, not hearing the strange noises coming from down stairs. Probably because nothing was strange to him any more.

The very normal-looking people in the very normal-looking world outside the house continued living their very normal lives, not knowing at all that they were now in grave danger...

Something had come through from one of the other sides; something monstrous and terrifying.

Something that reached a clawed hand down to pick up a piece of discarded paper from the living room carpet.

Carefully unfolding it, a slitted yellow eye studied its contents thoroughly.

Tell Eva the witches know her hiding place.

“Yes...I think I will tell her that.” Said a voice like dead rustling leaves.
 
I would like you to read the Stephen King's On Writing and especially the bit, where he's talking about the process of writing. I'm saying this because what you are writing at the moment is meant for you, as in he call this process as "closed door" and when come back to this you will read it and rewrite thing with "door open."

It will help you. Promise.
 
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