Dark Matter

[Heck Tate]

Thanks for the in depth critique, TEIN. You showed me a lot of places I need to clarify or remove entirely. Sometimes I forget that readers don't view the story the same way I do. I'll use your suggestions to try to patch it up.

 

[Perpetual Man]

Thanks, PM. I want to make it into a comic mostly because he's gonna get some cool supernatural abilities, much like a superhero, and comics are generally the medium for such things. Plus the way I have further parts of this story planned out there would be opportunity for some really good, trippy (sorry can't think of a better word for it, I'm not an art person) artwork. Plus I would make Alder the narrator of the comics, giving a more in depth view of his character. I'll definitely keep going with his story even if I can't find an artist for it, I just kind of pictured it as a comic as I was writing it.

If you can find the right artist, then it will look superb, and work stupendously.
Trouble is finding an artist.

It's also worth considering do a short story to start with, eight pages of strip or so, featuring the characters and world, but as self contained as you can make it, as a showcase. It might bring in an artist more easily who is prepared to commit to a shorter project to start with.

 

[Heck Tate]

Thanks for the advice. I'm actually going to try to work on this with Evelinn, trying to convert what I have into panels now. Made a lot of the edits TEIN suggested, but I still need to fix the beginning to make it more catchy. I think I'll write any further installments in first person so it's easier to convert to panels.

 

[Perpetual Man]

HT - excellent news, I'm glad you managed to sort something out with Evelinn, it should look (and read) spectacularly.

It's one of the greatest feelings in the world the first time you see part of your work coming back in strip form.

 

[Evelinn]

Can’t wait to work on this, its going to be fun

 

[alchemist]

Sorry I'm a little late to the party here. My only comment is that the thinking goes on a little long, before the action starts. Perhaps this would be better as a comic, where the pictures show him stalking the newcomers, while the background info happens in the text.

I'm not too familiar with post-apocalyptic comics, but there is a risk of readers being put off the cold-blooded killer as a hero. Sure, he's a product of the age and it's dog-eat-dog, but if he's going to be a hero, there needs to be a modicum of regret (IMO).

Apart from that, I like it, and Evelinn's art looks great too.

 

[Heck Tate]

Unfortunately, almost everything I write starts off slow and builds momentum, so I'm constantly going back and re-writing my openings. I plan on giving Alder some purpose beyond just kill to survive, (sorry no reveal yet) and there will be other characters who should balance out his ruthlessness (regret is for the weak).

 

[Yog-Sothoth]

Even today in our world with its various war-torn places, there are many boys like Alder. I could root for these boys if those dying at their hands are more corrupt and evil.

but if for example you have him killing a poor mother with two kids for a piece of bread, then..........

 

[eclectic_dragon0253]

That was really good, it was descriptive and was easy to imagine when reading it =] do you have a second chapter?