Improving our 75 Word Stories -- READ FIRST POST

Joshua Jones

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@Joshua Jones .... I must confess to being slow on the uptake. My wife of 47 years has come to understand that hints are almost as transparent to me as lead. And I'm afraid that's what happened with this story.

I realized almost immediately that you were anthropomorphizing the sun. And I got that the people escaping were running from the immanent nova. For me it all came down to the numbers. I thought that they were some obscure shorthand that the sun was using to communicate. I never gave the periodic table or atomic weight a first thought, let alone a second. I think your story would have been much more effective if you had done away with the numbers and perhaps mentioned "my elemental iron heart" or some such as that.
I think you, and others who said as much, are correct. When I wrote it thus, I couldn't escape the thought, "Why would a star use our terms?", but didn't consider that the star was using English to tell a story, so it really isn't that much of a stretch to convert...

And I think the part about subtle hints is a common malady... my wife has taken to opening Amazon windows on my phone's internet browser with items she wants...
 

paranoid marvin

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I must admit to not understanding it . It's sometimes hard in 75 words, and anyway too much explanation can sometimes lose the effect you were intending.
 

-K2-

mƎ kn0w dUm!
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Question: Are contractions like 'you're, I'll, you'll, etc.' in dialogue considered one or two words?

Thanks for any response,

K2
 

Joshua Jones

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Mods, please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe any standard contraction is always considered one word, and they tend to be generous regarding non-standard ones, provided they aren't egregious (like, "wehadababyitsaboy". Bonus points if you have any idea what I'm referring to...).
 

The Judge

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Yep, the usual contractions are one word -- so "shouldn't" and the like -- and that's the case both in dialogue and narrative.

For contractions which aren't standard we'd go into a huddle in the Staff Room and decide on them on an individual basis. I can't think what they were off the top of my head, but I know we have rejected some -- ie they were treated as two words.
 

-K2-

mƎ kn0w dUm!
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@Joshua Jones & @The Judge ; Ohhhh...thanks for that. NOW, I know everything ;) I would have thought even typical contractions--except perhaps in dialogue where it's more a form of speech--would have been considered two words.

Thanks again!

K2
 

Ambrose

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Knowing what thou knowest not, is, in a sense, omniscience. -- a Piet Hein grook.
 

The Judge

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Er... guys. Going slightly off tangent on a thread for a post or two is OK, but let's rein it in now, please.

This is an Improving thread, so if someone wants feedback on a recent 75 worder, or wants to practise on an old one, wheel it on.
 

Joshua Jones

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Er... guys. Going slightly off tangent on a thread for a post or two is OK, but let's rein it in now, please.

This is an Improving thread, so if someone wants feedback on a recent 75 worder, or wants to practise on an old one, wheel it on.
Absolutely, my apologies.
 
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