A Woman in Space is, as I had hoped, turning into one of the most godawful books I have ever read. I seriously encourage you to go out and find a copy. It is so bad on all sorts of levels it's hilarious. There's only so much of it I can take at a time so I'm rationing myself.
So here's the story so far: Young beautiful feminist astronaut Carol is sent on a make-or-break-the-whole-of-NASA expedition to the moon. The publicity of a WOMAN going to the moon has the the whole world glued to their TV screen. Will she explode? The previous three missions to scout a possible moonbase location have failed when the ships all MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARED. Taking no precautions to avoid exactly the same thing happening again (other than sending a male chauvenist bloke along with her - who has to be mildly blackmailed into going because, as his boss puts it, people might think him a bit '
queer' (not my italics) if he didn't want to share an enclosed space with an attractive woman for a few days) they blast off. Carol and the reluctant, "I'm STRAIGHT!" hunk do 1950's crappy SF movie astronaut stuff for a couple of chapters... they 'clomp' about in magnetic boots... avoid near misses with noisy space debris that makes whooshing noises as it passes by... eat concentrated food out of tubes... do press-ups (in zero G?) to keep themselves toned... get naked and not have sex.
When they get to the moon they arrive at the moonlanding site in their 'plane' lander and they too are suddenly wheeked from the Luna Bermuda Triangle by an unknown force. Before you can say, "I wonder just how far I can throw this book?" they are taken onboard a huge alien space ship. Actuallly they fly into the landing dock, following radioed instructions. Following orders they cut their engines just as they arrive and come in with 'the flaps down'. Inside the vast ship they meet the sole survivors of a planet that had an uncannily parallel evolution with earth. So parallel is this evolution that the other previously wheeked astronauts (the ones she was sent out to look for) have already impregnated a couple of the nubile young 'space bunnies' that make up most of the ship's compliment. They're all as happy as Larry with all the sex they are getting and have no desire to return to earth and are going to head back to the aliens' home planet to repopulate their 'brave new world'.
The author like the phrase 'brave new world'. She (if it is a she - I have my doubts) uses it a lot for a couple of chapters in an attempt to sound like she's actually read any SF, before dropping it and latching onto another SFishy sounding phrase: 'lost in space' is one. That get used a few times in close succession.
Not wanting to spend the rest of her life on an alien planet watching 'male chauvinist pigs' rutting with 'space bunnies' as they repopulate the place* she demands to allowed to leave and return to earth. They won't let her because she now knows too much and will be able to easily reproduce all the aliens' hyper-advanced technology and soon earthmen will spoil their Playboy Mansion in the stars lifestyle. The commander of the men does make her the offer though that, if she can convince any of the men to go with her, he will let her return home.
And here, as Carol sets out to entice...
anyone to go with her, the book suddenly lurches from gushy, awful romance book set in a 1950's kids television SF serial into the sort of crappy, low rent, pulp paperback porn which, if you were generous, you could imagine the lads from
Weird Science writing before they got round to building Kelly leBrock.
“There’s more plans for weapons in those books?” Carol pointed to the dozen, or more, volumes on the nearby shelf.
“Plans for weapons, electronic gadgets and mechanical things beyond your wildest imagination.” Ed was enthusiastic. “I’m in the process of transcribing that language to English with the help of Annissa.” She was the red-headed space girl.
“You already know quite a bit about what’s in those manuals, don’t you?”
“Hell yes! The girls, especially Annissa, have been quite helpful in teaching me the Eritan language. I’m getting so I can read this stuff like a native Eritan,” he bragged.
“Good.” Sucking in a deep breath, Carol took the plunge. “How would you like to take a few of these ray
guns, the cannons and the manuals back to Earth?”
He eyed her suspiciously. “What are you suggesting?”
“I’m suggesting that instead of going to Erita, you return to Earth with me—taking along some of these items and the manuals.”
“You're crazy! Bob would never let you go back.”
Carol slid from her stool, eased over and leaned on his bare back. He had on only a pair of swim trunks. Her firm breasts were pressed against his shoulders.
“Bob will let me return to Earth,” she murmured, “if I can find someone to go back with me.” She slid her hand down and tweaked at his man-sized nipples and gently massaged his hairy chest.
“Bob said that! H’mm.” Placing the dismantled ray gun on the work bench, Ed swung around on the stool. Drawing her lushness to his nakedness he eyed her thoughtfully, his mind filled with lust and his swim trunks filled with passion.
I'm going to have to take a break for a few days as I recover from the torrid lewdness that followed and try to work out what 'Man-sized' nipples are. And whether
mine are 'Man-sized', or just plain 'Regular'.
*with 'male chauvinist bunnies' and 'space pigs'?
