Blurb help

[Archus]

ok, thank you!

 

[chopper]

while you should perhaps focus on the book, not the blurb, i can see an immediate problem: that first sentence is too long, with no hook. make a simple statement with that first sentence, then make another with the next.
eg:

Catholicism is under siege. The rising tide of heresy threatens to engulf the whole Church. It's time to fight back.

meanwhile, i'd think twice about Blackfriars. that's a tube station, y'know.....

 

[Archus]

lol Blackfriars are the Order of Preachers - Dominicans. In real life they are part of the 'mendicant' orders (hence friars). Other Friar orders include Franciscans (Greyfriars) and Carmelites (whitefriars). I'm utilising Catholic teaching and the feel of it to put it in a non-historical context (hence an alternate history / ambiguous time period).

Surprisingly enough I'm hoping to be a Dominican friar and I am using this as a creative output and putting the Church as the good guys; I want it to be humourous, action packed and also to get your mind working; think of it as a religious version of the West Wing with a Belgariad attitude.

 

[chopper]

yeeks. those are, how shall i say it?, very catholic reference points.....