Tell me what you think. Any constructive criticism is appreciated 
Illifer crouched before the short wooden door and glanced over his shoulder to signal Roland to silence before easing it open a crack. Outside all was bathed in the dim purple light of the two moons, Auxis, the red one, and Aquas, the blue, both shining full in the cloudy sky. The third, the green moon Gen was absent, floating through the sky on the other side of the planet of course. “Looks clear” He whispered, unwilling to take any chance of being heard.
The door made a sickening groan as it slowly opened, causing the pair to wince painfully. Illifer slithered out onto the surface first, creating an ominous silhouette against the cave wall with his black leather garments. Roland didn’t look as impressive, his wrists still clad in iron shackles and a torn grayish brown shirt hanging from his shoulders. The two walked around the rocky outcropping, tiny considering the many subterrain caverns beneath it, and began creeping through a field of mining equipment, heading to the forest beyond and the city beyond that.
Illifer, crouched, snuck up to a carriage mounted crane and looked beyond to where several men garbed in the colors of Kelewan were joking and eating what appeared to be some sort of meat around a fire. “Scouted around a bit looking for a clear path, but this place is more heavily guarded than I expected, so this route had to do. We need to crawl through the grass over there” he said, pointing to the right.
Roland nodded silently but still looked quite a bit nervous. They regarded each other for a few moments until Illifer let himself down onto his belly and Roland followed suit. They began very slowly, clawing their way across the wet ground until the grass became taller and they could move a little faster. They circled the camp and managed to get behind a similar crane on the other side, bringing their soaked bodies out of the grass and back into stealthy crouches. From there is was just a matter of taking it slow and easy for another hundred paces, then slipping into the woods.
Illifer could just about touch the rough bark of a tree when a shout brought him flying into the air and landing facing the voice, sword drawn.
“HALT!” There stood three soldiers of the city-state, wearing the customary red and gold, two of them leveling rifles at the pair.
The outlaws looked at each other in trepidation and threw themselves into the woods, hurling through the lush moist vegetation at speeds that shouldn’t be possible.
The two riflemen fired their weapons at the quickly receding figures and were rewarded only with the crack of lead on wood.
Illifer and Roland sped through the foliage as the alarm was raised in the glade’s garrison. After what seemed like minutes but was in reality only seconds, they emerged onto the road leading from Kelewan to the mine, and were spotted by a larger group of soldiers racing down the trail. “THERE THEY ARE!” The pair sped back into the woods, abandoning all sense of direction, the sound of a half dozen bullets slamming into trees hurrying them along. The soldiers shouted to indicate their position and readily followed them.
Illifer was surprised at Roland’s level of fitness. Working in the mines for months as punishment for petty theft had done his body good, he was no longer the chubby boy Illifer remembered.
“sh*t!” Roland shouted as his foot hooked under a pronounced tree root, bringing him crashing to the ground accompanied by a sickening crunch. He looked at his foot, bent completely around the root, and the magnitude of the wound donned on him, “AHHHHHHHH!” he cried in agony.
“Shut up! Shut up!” Illifer whispered loudly, moving towards his comrade. Roland gurgled down his screams as Illifer freed his foot, but lost his control at the last second, “AAAAAAH!”
“Hush you big baby.” Illifer said harshly. “I’m going to have to carry you. No more screaming, alright?”
Roland nodded mutely, his lips clenched together to stifle any possible noise. Illifer knelt down, threw the big baby’s arms over his shoulders, and stood up, staggering and nearly falling. This baby was a lot heavier than the one remembered giving piggy back rides to all those years ago.
The two simply could not make good speed anymore, and were only slowing as time went by and the shouts grew closer and closer. Soon two men were within vision range of the escapees, and rushed them with swords drawn, having already discharged their rifle rounds and lacking enough time to reload the firearms.
Yelling wildly for their brothers in arms, the soldiers were nearly on top of the pair when a soft hum from the trees above announced the deadly arrows making their way towards the soldiers chests’. Both toppled over groaning and grasping their new wooden appendages. A soldier trailing slightly behind the two leaders met a similar fate.
The shouts in the woods took on a different tone as Illifer slouched down to the ground, not sure whether he’d been shot or if his stamina was just at its limit. In a state of semi awareness he observed many lithe figures dropping from the trees, several heading in his direction. Two strong hands grasped his head and shook violently, “ILLIFER! ILLIFER!” the voice of Roland was the last thing he noticed before slipping away into the dark.
Illifer crouched before the short wooden door and glanced over his shoulder to signal Roland to silence before easing it open a crack. Outside all was bathed in the dim purple light of the two moons, Auxis, the red one, and Aquas, the blue, both shining full in the cloudy sky. The third, the green moon Gen was absent, floating through the sky on the other side of the planet of course. “Looks clear” He whispered, unwilling to take any chance of being heard.
The door made a sickening groan as it slowly opened, causing the pair to wince painfully. Illifer slithered out onto the surface first, creating an ominous silhouette against the cave wall with his black leather garments. Roland didn’t look as impressive, his wrists still clad in iron shackles and a torn grayish brown shirt hanging from his shoulders. The two walked around the rocky outcropping, tiny considering the many subterrain caverns beneath it, and began creeping through a field of mining equipment, heading to the forest beyond and the city beyond that.
Illifer, crouched, snuck up to a carriage mounted crane and looked beyond to where several men garbed in the colors of Kelewan were joking and eating what appeared to be some sort of meat around a fire. “Scouted around a bit looking for a clear path, but this place is more heavily guarded than I expected, so this route had to do. We need to crawl through the grass over there” he said, pointing to the right.
Roland nodded silently but still looked quite a bit nervous. They regarded each other for a few moments until Illifer let himself down onto his belly and Roland followed suit. They began very slowly, clawing their way across the wet ground until the grass became taller and they could move a little faster. They circled the camp and managed to get behind a similar crane on the other side, bringing their soaked bodies out of the grass and back into stealthy crouches. From there is was just a matter of taking it slow and easy for another hundred paces, then slipping into the woods.
Illifer could just about touch the rough bark of a tree when a shout brought him flying into the air and landing facing the voice, sword drawn.
“HALT!” There stood three soldiers of the city-state, wearing the customary red and gold, two of them leveling rifles at the pair.
The outlaws looked at each other in trepidation and threw themselves into the woods, hurling through the lush moist vegetation at speeds that shouldn’t be possible.
The two riflemen fired their weapons at the quickly receding figures and were rewarded only with the crack of lead on wood.
Illifer and Roland sped through the foliage as the alarm was raised in the glade’s garrison. After what seemed like minutes but was in reality only seconds, they emerged onto the road leading from Kelewan to the mine, and were spotted by a larger group of soldiers racing down the trail. “THERE THEY ARE!” The pair sped back into the woods, abandoning all sense of direction, the sound of a half dozen bullets slamming into trees hurrying them along. The soldiers shouted to indicate their position and readily followed them.
Illifer was surprised at Roland’s level of fitness. Working in the mines for months as punishment for petty theft had done his body good, he was no longer the chubby boy Illifer remembered.
“sh*t!” Roland shouted as his foot hooked under a pronounced tree root, bringing him crashing to the ground accompanied by a sickening crunch. He looked at his foot, bent completely around the root, and the magnitude of the wound donned on him, “AHHHHHHHH!” he cried in agony.
“Shut up! Shut up!” Illifer whispered loudly, moving towards his comrade. Roland gurgled down his screams as Illifer freed his foot, but lost his control at the last second, “AAAAAAH!”
“Hush you big baby.” Illifer said harshly. “I’m going to have to carry you. No more screaming, alright?”
Roland nodded mutely, his lips clenched together to stifle any possible noise. Illifer knelt down, threw the big baby’s arms over his shoulders, and stood up, staggering and nearly falling. This baby was a lot heavier than the one remembered giving piggy back rides to all those years ago.
The two simply could not make good speed anymore, and were only slowing as time went by and the shouts grew closer and closer. Soon two men were within vision range of the escapees, and rushed them with swords drawn, having already discharged their rifle rounds and lacking enough time to reload the firearms.
Yelling wildly for their brothers in arms, the soldiers were nearly on top of the pair when a soft hum from the trees above announced the deadly arrows making their way towards the soldiers chests’. Both toppled over groaning and grasping their new wooden appendages. A soldier trailing slightly behind the two leaders met a similar fate.
The shouts in the woods took on a different tone as Illifer slouched down to the ground, not sure whether he’d been shot or if his stamina was just at its limit. In a state of semi awareness he observed many lithe figures dropping from the trees, several heading in his direction. Two strong hands grasped his head and shook violently, “ILLIFER! ILLIFER!” the voice of Roland was the last thing he noticed before slipping away into the dark.
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