OK...bear in mind that this is a rough draft. I just knocked this out tonight, and figured I'd share with you guys and gals!
Critique and advice would be MUCH appreciated!
Milvian gazed out of the lounge’s long window. Beyond the vessel’s starboard wing was a pitch canvas of space, interspersed with pinpricks of winking yellow, white, and blue. As a young farm girl, Milvian spent her days sweating beneath the humid rural sun, but spent her hard-won nights in the fields, watching the stars. Now, as a young woman, she spends her long sojourns between worlds the same way.
Behind her, world leaders shed their cumbersome ranks, and shared jokes while they drank wine. They laughed heartily, telling stories of their youths, and poking fun at the caricatures the political process had made of them. Milvian enjoyed the warm atmosphere but did not join in the party. For Milvian, the fun was in watching the goings-on beyond the thick pane of glass separating her from the Universe..
Just below her view, a column of V-shaped fighters escorted them. Occasionally, one of the sleek black battle machines would bob briefly into view.
“Milvian,” A rough voice rose from behind.
She turned, and saw Tio Pilanch smiling at her. “Yes?”
“It’s a beautiful view from Jenyaran space,” He said. “Just beautiful.”
“It is. I wish I could come here more often.”
Milvian quickly looked back at Tio, the Head Council of her homeworld’s Unified Government. Her cheeks flushed red. “Under different circumstances, I mean, of course.”
Tio smiled. “Of course.”
Their eyes returned to the window. In the distance, a fist-sized globe came slowly into view, like a grey sunrise.
“Jenyar,” Tio sighed. In his voice, Milvian heard the longing for this world, its pristine shores and fantastic cities. In his time as a soldier in the Obinarian Army, Tio did a tour of duty there during the first Jenyaran Conflict. Later, upon his inaugural speech as Head of Council, he would tell the story of his first sunset there.
Milvian studied the planet, for the first time with her own eyes. The population inhabited the large, singular landmass that made but a small percentage of Jenyar’s surface. From the center-out the sprawling cities thinned into greener plains and, finally, into the white sand shores that the planet was famous for. In the light of day, the surface of Jenyar appeared stone-grey, with a jagged ring of green and white beautifully terminating into the deep blue of the enormous ocean.
The view from the window shifted slightly as the ship made its final turn into Jenyar’s orbit. They would stay onboard for the remainder of the day, landing in a quiet ceremony the following morning.
Milvian glanced over her shoulder to see the rest of the dignitaries huddled around the tall single window. They all knew of Jenyar, and most had been there, but the sight of the majestic world was never a tired one.
The Captain’s voice rang softly through the ceiling speakers to inform them of their arrival.
“Shame what they’re doing with the place,” Someone said. A few more agreed with him.
Milvian looked expectantly at Tio. He said nothing.
“Rotten dictators, all of them. This one is no different.” Another said. More agreed. Tio still said nothing.
“They never should have let them in the Alliance. I’ll never understand why they did.”
The planet grew close quickly, giving those who watched from this view a sensation of falling. Most of the men turned and made their way back to the bar, but Milvian and Tio remained. He reached for her hand, and she accepted.
“Can I tell you something in confidence, Milvian?” He whispered.
“Of course.” Her eyes met him, but he did not look at her. Instead, he watched the approach.
“This is my last trip here,”
“What? Why?”
He finally met her worried look. “I’m retiring at year’s end.”
Milvian took a deep breath, exhaled slowly. Jenyar was now the length and breadth of the window.
“I haven’t told anyone yet. Well, my wife, of course. But even then, I’ve never been definitive...seeing this now makes me sure.”
They watched then in silence. Tio felt the weight of his decision lifted, while Mlivian felt it land on her shoulders. Jenyar glowed before them.
One of the fighter escorts bobbed into view, then burst toward the planet at breakneck speed. Another followed, then another, before their multicolored view exploded into an ugly, opaque green hue. Milvian gasped, and Tio hollered to the rest of them.
“Why are the damned shields up? What’s going on?”
The minutes seemed to be in a vacuum, slowly and completely void of sound. All seemed to hold their breath.
A moment too long passed before the lounge doors spread to allow four guards entrance. Heavy iron in their grip, the guards waved the group to follow.
“What’s going on?” Tio asked, his tone demanding an answer.
“We’re heading to the CQ, sir.” One of the young armed men offered, guiding Tio with a palm on the back.
“What for? What’s going on out there?”
“Nothing our friendly escorts can’t handle, sir.”
“I hope you’re right,” Tio said, taking Milvian by the hand.
They traveled the narrow halls quickly, guards leading and following. The Common Quarters, or CQ, were a minute’s walk from the lounge, but as Milvian rushed through the ship’s winding belly, it felt like hours.
The CQ’s heavy steel door was in sight just as the hull shook violently, sending bodies old and young banging against the walls, tumbling to the floor. The guards hurried to help them, but another violent rumble knocked the rest of the standing to their backs. A siren blared through the speakers.
To Milvian, the sound was muted, distant. The scrambling guards looked slow, almost comical in their efforts to get to their feet. Most of the leaders were crawling, confused, while their younger aids tried their best to stand. Tio leaned against the wall beside her. A long streak of blood ran down the side of his brow.
She reached for him, perhaps to wipe the blood away, but she lurched, lifted, her feet dangled above the floor. She couldn’t breathe. A black-sleeved arm was wrapped tightly around her waist, expelling her wind.
She screamed. Her own voice was dull, so far away. She fought, but she was rushed away from him. Tio looked up at her, his eyes glossy. The hull shook again, and the force jerked Tio down the hall, and out of her sight. Milvian screamed again, but nothing could be heard over the rumbling, the sound of steel buckling and bulging. The ship itself seemed to scream. Before the CQ’s door closed, she saw the hall collapse on itself.
Her senses came back to her suddenly. The guard dumped her on the carpet, but she was quickly on her feet. She scanned the room with darting eyes, and saw no one but the guard that dragged her in.
“What happened? Get the others!” She screamed.
“They’re gone!” He snapped. He rushed to the back wall, and started pushing buttons on a small panel. Milvian smelled burning wires.
The guard cursed, kept punching buttons. As if wielding magic, the last button he punched made the room hiss, and the smell of steam overtook the smell of electrical fire. At the center of the room, the carpet split and the floor opened. A cylindrical object sprang up with another loud hiss, and spread open.
There were two seats in it.
The young guard grabbed her by the hand and pulled her into the cylinder. Inside, he pushed another series of buttons on a panel, shutting them in the escape vessel. The whole ship shook again, and a creaking sound deafened them. The guard pushed Milvian into one of the seats, secured her harness before doing the same for himself.
The pod trembled, and so did Milvian. The ship shook as whatever brutal attack brought hell upon it, while Milvian shook at the unbelievable loss of her leader.. Tio Pilanch had appointed her as a Council Aid two years prior, and had befriended her in the time since. A father figure since the death of her own father, Tio had been everything to her, and now she could not escape the image of him being thrown like a child’s doll, being crushed under the weight of the broken hull. Queitly, she sobbed in her seat.
A final lurch, and the pod sped out of its shoot. What awaited them beyond that moment afforded neither of them fear; their trial of fire in the narrow halls of the Alliance’s flagship had burned their nerves, and whatever would come next could not break the callouses left.
Critique and advice would be MUCH appreciated!
Milvian gazed out of the lounge’s long window. Beyond the vessel’s starboard wing was a pitch canvas of space, interspersed with pinpricks of winking yellow, white, and blue. As a young farm girl, Milvian spent her days sweating beneath the humid rural sun, but spent her hard-won nights in the fields, watching the stars. Now, as a young woman, she spends her long sojourns between worlds the same way.
Behind her, world leaders shed their cumbersome ranks, and shared jokes while they drank wine. They laughed heartily, telling stories of their youths, and poking fun at the caricatures the political process had made of them. Milvian enjoyed the warm atmosphere but did not join in the party. For Milvian, the fun was in watching the goings-on beyond the thick pane of glass separating her from the Universe..
Just below her view, a column of V-shaped fighters escorted them. Occasionally, one of the sleek black battle machines would bob briefly into view.
“Milvian,” A rough voice rose from behind.
She turned, and saw Tio Pilanch smiling at her. “Yes?”
“It’s a beautiful view from Jenyaran space,” He said. “Just beautiful.”
“It is. I wish I could come here more often.”
Milvian quickly looked back at Tio, the Head Council of her homeworld’s Unified Government. Her cheeks flushed red. “Under different circumstances, I mean, of course.”
Tio smiled. “Of course.”
Their eyes returned to the window. In the distance, a fist-sized globe came slowly into view, like a grey sunrise.
“Jenyar,” Tio sighed. In his voice, Milvian heard the longing for this world, its pristine shores and fantastic cities. In his time as a soldier in the Obinarian Army, Tio did a tour of duty there during the first Jenyaran Conflict. Later, upon his inaugural speech as Head of Council, he would tell the story of his first sunset there.
Milvian studied the planet, for the first time with her own eyes. The population inhabited the large, singular landmass that made but a small percentage of Jenyar’s surface. From the center-out the sprawling cities thinned into greener plains and, finally, into the white sand shores that the planet was famous for. In the light of day, the surface of Jenyar appeared stone-grey, with a jagged ring of green and white beautifully terminating into the deep blue of the enormous ocean.
The view from the window shifted slightly as the ship made its final turn into Jenyar’s orbit. They would stay onboard for the remainder of the day, landing in a quiet ceremony the following morning.
Milvian glanced over her shoulder to see the rest of the dignitaries huddled around the tall single window. They all knew of Jenyar, and most had been there, but the sight of the majestic world was never a tired one.
The Captain’s voice rang softly through the ceiling speakers to inform them of their arrival.
“Shame what they’re doing with the place,” Someone said. A few more agreed with him.
Milvian looked expectantly at Tio. He said nothing.
“Rotten dictators, all of them. This one is no different.” Another said. More agreed. Tio still said nothing.
“They never should have let them in the Alliance. I’ll never understand why they did.”
The planet grew close quickly, giving those who watched from this view a sensation of falling. Most of the men turned and made their way back to the bar, but Milvian and Tio remained. He reached for her hand, and she accepted.
“Can I tell you something in confidence, Milvian?” He whispered.
“Of course.” Her eyes met him, but he did not look at her. Instead, he watched the approach.
“This is my last trip here,”
“What? Why?”
He finally met her worried look. “I’m retiring at year’s end.”
Milvian took a deep breath, exhaled slowly. Jenyar was now the length and breadth of the window.
“I haven’t told anyone yet. Well, my wife, of course. But even then, I’ve never been definitive...seeing this now makes me sure.”
They watched then in silence. Tio felt the weight of his decision lifted, while Mlivian felt it land on her shoulders. Jenyar glowed before them.
One of the fighter escorts bobbed into view, then burst toward the planet at breakneck speed. Another followed, then another, before their multicolored view exploded into an ugly, opaque green hue. Milvian gasped, and Tio hollered to the rest of them.
“Why are the damned shields up? What’s going on?”
The minutes seemed to be in a vacuum, slowly and completely void of sound. All seemed to hold their breath.
A moment too long passed before the lounge doors spread to allow four guards entrance. Heavy iron in their grip, the guards waved the group to follow.
“What’s going on?” Tio asked, his tone demanding an answer.
“We’re heading to the CQ, sir.” One of the young armed men offered, guiding Tio with a palm on the back.
“What for? What’s going on out there?”
“Nothing our friendly escorts can’t handle, sir.”
“I hope you’re right,” Tio said, taking Milvian by the hand.
They traveled the narrow halls quickly, guards leading and following. The Common Quarters, or CQ, were a minute’s walk from the lounge, but as Milvian rushed through the ship’s winding belly, it felt like hours.
The CQ’s heavy steel door was in sight just as the hull shook violently, sending bodies old and young banging against the walls, tumbling to the floor. The guards hurried to help them, but another violent rumble knocked the rest of the standing to their backs. A siren blared through the speakers.
To Milvian, the sound was muted, distant. The scrambling guards looked slow, almost comical in their efforts to get to their feet. Most of the leaders were crawling, confused, while their younger aids tried their best to stand. Tio leaned against the wall beside her. A long streak of blood ran down the side of his brow.
She reached for him, perhaps to wipe the blood away, but she lurched, lifted, her feet dangled above the floor. She couldn’t breathe. A black-sleeved arm was wrapped tightly around her waist, expelling her wind.
She screamed. Her own voice was dull, so far away. She fought, but she was rushed away from him. Tio looked up at her, his eyes glossy. The hull shook again, and the force jerked Tio down the hall, and out of her sight. Milvian screamed again, but nothing could be heard over the rumbling, the sound of steel buckling and bulging. The ship itself seemed to scream. Before the CQ’s door closed, she saw the hall collapse on itself.
Her senses came back to her suddenly. The guard dumped her on the carpet, but she was quickly on her feet. She scanned the room with darting eyes, and saw no one but the guard that dragged her in.
“What happened? Get the others!” She screamed.
“They’re gone!” He snapped. He rushed to the back wall, and started pushing buttons on a small panel. Milvian smelled burning wires.
The guard cursed, kept punching buttons. As if wielding magic, the last button he punched made the room hiss, and the smell of steam overtook the smell of electrical fire. At the center of the room, the carpet split and the floor opened. A cylindrical object sprang up with another loud hiss, and spread open.
There were two seats in it.
The young guard grabbed her by the hand and pulled her into the cylinder. Inside, he pushed another series of buttons on a panel, shutting them in the escape vessel. The whole ship shook again, and a creaking sound deafened them. The guard pushed Milvian into one of the seats, secured her harness before doing the same for himself.
The pod trembled, and so did Milvian. The ship shook as whatever brutal attack brought hell upon it, while Milvian shook at the unbelievable loss of her leader.. Tio Pilanch had appointed her as a Council Aid two years prior, and had befriended her in the time since. A father figure since the death of her own father, Tio had been everything to her, and now she could not escape the image of him being thrown like a child’s doll, being crushed under the weight of the broken hull. Queitly, she sobbed in her seat.
A final lurch, and the pod sped out of its shoot. What awaited them beyond that moment afforded neither of them fear; their trial of fire in the narrow halls of the Alliance’s flagship had burned their nerves, and whatever would come next could not break the callouses left.
