Character Creation Chain

[Joshua Jones]

Terminus Alderaan: the son of Grand Moff Tarkin, concieved between the attack on Alderaan and the Battle of Yavin.

That's it, but he is still more interesting than Jar Jar...

Chloe Snake

 

[J Riff]

Chloe Snake - an actual anaconda, used in hollywood productions of the 1940s, Chloe is best remembered for the dismemberment of a boatload of bimbos in Jungle Terror Trollopes, 1943. Chloe later made the news again when she escaped in the Amazon while filming the ill-fated Amazon Harlots of the Quicksand, 1945, never to be seen again.
Rumours persist however, to this day, that the the surely now-gigantic Chloe is still alive somewhere in the deep jungle, and fans hope that she sees this squib, and slithers back to stardom on the silver screen soon.

Sylvon Jivealot

 

[Artoriarius]

Sylvon Jivealot - Better known as "the Dancing Dryad", Sylvon was one of the greatest disco dancers of the 80's. Like all dryads, her life was tied to her tree (a California Redwood); or rather, was, as her tree was cut down by a villainous land developer in '89 to make room for a parking lot - many consider that day to be the day disco died. The project never came to fruition, as the developer shortly after lost his fortune to a gang of jive teens, and her grove is now the Jivealot National Park. It is said that her ghost now haunts the park that bears her name, and can be seen dancing the disco whenever there's a full moon and a cloudless sky.

Urquhart Q. Esquire, Esq.

 

[J Riff]

Urquhart Q. Esquire, Esq. - well-know Transylvanian vampire lawyer, Uruquart defended the insane but beloved psychotic wrestler, Chunga Mumbola, who had arisen from a time capsule in the year 2525. When Uruquart attempted to drain Mumbola's blood, because of unpaid fees, he learned that even vampire lawyers can die, if torn into enough tiny, tiny little pieces and jumped up and down on for long enough.

Zonkmond Von Stonertonne

 

[Stable]

Zonkmond Von Stonertonne is a pet rabbit notable chiefly for his large size and intensely soft fur. He loves cuddles, carrots and death metal. He has one ragged ear as a memento of the time he fought and killed a huge stray tomcat that tried to eat him. If you tickle his chin he will roll over for you like a dog, and he knows seven commands.

Ezeander Portsmith

 

[J Riff]

Ezeander Portsmith - Lord of Portsmith Manor, which burnt to the ground in 1327, Ezeander is best perhaps remembered via local legends, which aver that he could have, possibly, under the right circumstances, and without a bit of bad luck here and there - become the most, or at least one of the most, feared men in the entire county. This, plus rumours of vampirism, or ghoulishness, possibly even lycanthropy, none of which was ever proven or even investigated due to the fact that Ezeandered wandered off after his house burned down, and was only ever seen again by passing caravans of Gypsies, sitting in a tree, strumming on an instrument of indeterminate origin- convinced people that Ez was possessed, or that he had at least flipped his fez. Later rumours concerning whispered tales about the possibility that Ezeander had been seen robbing various wagon trains, centuries later in a whole different part of the world, are equally unfounded. Further research reveals that Ezeander may have been traveling using the assumed moniker>>>

Mathusela Hornebolt

 

[MikeAnderson]

Mathusela Hornebolt-His actually government name is Arnold Sheinberg, an Accounts Payable manager for a PVC pipe distribution company based out of Yonkers, N.Y. But after his uncle Neil in Tel Aviv sent him a scroll crafted by King Solomon he received in lieu of money for a poker game debt from his neighbor, Arnold was infused with divine powers upon reading the mystical scribbles.

Arnold now posses fearsome and haunting powers of divination and telepathy, and in the most dire of circumstances, can summon an angel of Yahweh to aid in his crime fighting adventures after his shift at the plant ends.

But they won't assist in installing new tile in the kitchen, which is what he really wants. His wife Sheila is driving him up a wall about the linoleum peeling around the refrigerator.

Max Casualties, PhD

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Don't forget to tune your retinal implant controls to the NeuroFlix network today, for the world premiere of Max Casualties, PhD, the sidesplitting, full sensory spy-com hyperseries, starring Artificial Intelligence 7XB2B1 in the lead roles of the hapless, bumbling secret agent Max, his long-suffering supervisor Phil Chandrasukar, head of OMNI-INFO, and his glamorous sidekick, Professor Zero. Your serotonin levels will reach new highs as you watch Max tackle the sinister forces of RAGNAROK, while tripping over his feet and spilling hot coffee on Phil's symbiotic pet and sharing a VR embrace with the lovely Zero.

(NeuroFlix is an equal opportunity employer. Supporting roles will be played by human actors whenever possible.)

__________________________________________________________________

Sam Fraley

 

[MikeAnderson]

He may be short in stature, but the first halfling in history to become a Special Agent for the Bureau of Pipe-Leaf, Magic Swords, and Ale stands tall when it comes to stepping on the furry toes of crime in the Underburrow Projects!

Sam Fraley has stumbled upon a criminal enterprise of Sauronian proportions. When Sam discovers a cabal of dragons has been flooding the Shire's back alleys and strip clubs with cheap, knock-off pipe leaf laced with a dangerous alchemical synthetic drug called "Nazgul", it's up to the 3 foot tall, pointed eared avenger to un-sheath his enchanted .40 caliber pistol, and bring this unholy Fellowship of Ring-leaders to justice.

But corrupt cops, Barrow Wights, and the hardships of still being carded for liquor at the convenience store because you look like a kindergartner, despite being 74 years old, stand in his way from dropping this One Ring to Rule all drug syndicates into Mt. Doom Federal Penitentiary!

Special Agent Sam Fraley....He's putting the STING back into sting operation!

Designated Unit Murder-tron 10,000.

 

[J Riff]

Designated Unit Murder-tron 10,000 was recalled today, replaced by the SuperSlayer 1500-B series of crowd control-bots, which are expected to be used at footie matches on Mars, once the quarantine ends and civilians are allowed to emerge from underground. None of these matches will be televised, and no survivor are expected.

Clench Tuffnell

 

[Elckerlyc]

Clench Tuffnell is believed to be the person behind the assassination of Theiltix Theilixi (3219 - 3228) - the last emperor of the Theilixan Empire (2874-3228) - who was killed at his 9th birthday party by exploding balloons filled with an extremely volatile gas. The balloons where acquired from a company owned by Clench Tuffnell. Tuffnell was lynched by a mob within an hour after the assassination, therefor little is known about his motivation or his factual involvement.
Of Clench Tuffnell himself not much is known either. An proprietor of party gadgets in a time of economic decline, civil unrest and climatic upheaval, he continually struggled to keep his company economically sound. He was unmarried, was not politically active and kept to himself much of the time.
Because the Theilixan Empire was followed by The Chaotic Period (3228 - 3754) - sometimes referred to as The Clenching Age - it is highly unlikely the full story of the fateful assassination of Theiltix will ever be known. Conspiracy theories abound.

Tahoolah Thedosy

 

[Calum]

Poor Tahoolah. The busybodies wold have you believe she’s a woman of low character. Maybe they did dig up those bones just down river of her place. But that’s Chicago for you. Besides, Ms Thedosy runs a fine establishment. Bankers, starlets and senators all patronize Auntie Tula’s.

Always the doting host she regales her guests with sweet meat fresh of the barbecue, a cheeky shot of bourbon (The Eighteenth Amendment’s more a friendly suggestion anyway) and if they’re lucky her enchanting rendition of Dem Bones. The neighbourhood has gone downhill after those tragic disappearances (Vagrants, tramps, winos and the like). But her steaks have never been juicier.

Vehngovar MacDonald

 

[Reid Butler]

Vehngovar's binding to the Irishman was a pitiable affair. He was seven and a half feet of seething, caustic malice encased in a lethal chitinous shell. His twisted horns, razor appendages, and acidic breath once cowed every denizen of the hells from which he was drawn, save those formerly counted as angels. Now he was little more than glorified bodyguard for the drunkard Mac, who seemed to find no end of trouble in every pub from Dublin to Belfast. Now his talents were put to ill-use, the soft shells of the humans were sundered like overripe fruit under his ministrations and after the first half dozen disembowelments most men had ceased challenging the myriad offenses his bind-master gave. But perhaps the most grating insult was the requirement for a demon to take on a bind-master's name until his task was complete or the riddle of his binding solved. Until such a time Vehngovar the Flesh Curler was simply... Vehngovar MacDonald. The name chafed on him like a rusted yoke.

At least his six arms found purpose in the consumption of the delightful human elixir called "whiskey."

Jillian "Kickstart"Kaiser

 

[Fogged_Creation]

Jillian Kaiser was a "simple" man working as a "fitness" trainer. As for all his life he's always wanted the power to rule the world and control everyone. Yet here he is directing participants to his gruelling and intense fitness training sessions, he was known to have some of the toughest challenges straight from the get-go, and as he had learned the ways of the beastmaster, he is able to directly control multiple beasts at once and even have the most dangerous of beasts obey Jillian's command. All his training sessions took place in the wild, from forests, jungles, swamps and desert highlands, even on top of active volcanoes at one point. After the first few minutes of starting, he often has his trainees run as fast as they could in circles as they were being chased by charging boars, sometimes even having to swing over vine to vine across a lake infested with alligators... And the rest you can simply imagine. And for those who gruesomely fail his challenge... Well...
They get kicked out for a week.
Yeah, his trained beasts don't kill funnily enough. But they instead give a hefty beating that you wouldn't forget.

Some would say that he was crazy, but he can assure that there hasn't been any casualties... Thus far.
And that is where his "kickstart" title came from, for his training was like a sudden kick of adrenaline for those who took up his "fitness" training.


Chaden Stonewell "The Iron Boy"

 

[J Riff]

Chaden Stonewell "The Iron Boy" - actually only had iron legs, but that was enough to allow him to be hurled out the 2nd-story window of various barns without suffering crippling injuries. Chaden toured the Bible Belt of the south-western United States in the 1940s, charging 5 dollars a head to witness his derring-do. Any man who dared leap out the same window from which Chaden dropped, would receive the same amount of money out of the hat; effectively splitting the pot with the 'Iron Boy'. But no-one ever dared make the leap, and Chaden grew very rich from their cowardice, or good common sense, in choosing to not plummet the 15-20 feet to the barnyard below. Chaden was also a paranoid boy when it came to money, and he kept all his bills and coins in a special belt, which gradually increased in weight and this was undoubtedly a factor in his demise, which occured when what appeared to be mud puddle turned out to be quicksand, and he never emerged from that sand-patch in old Farmer McHakkchob's barnyard, despite deep probings by mining experts of the times. The Iron Boy is assumed to now be somewhere near the molten core of the Earth, probably still descending.

Twitch McFlinchington

 

[Kharn]

Twitch McFlinchington - Twitch is uncoordinated. So uncoordinated is Twitch that zombies make fun of the way Twitch walks. Tall and slender, Twitch is ghost-white pale and devoid of facial expressions. Twitch's clothes change regularly between high end fashion brands of wherever Twitch happens to be, though nobody can ever recall seeing Twitch change. The other feature that stands out is Twitch's hat. The hat Twitch wears is the oldest, most ratty, worn out piece of garbage that you couldn't pay a homeless person to take. Unbeknownst to most, Twitch is actually a sentient hat which pilots the mannequin that everyone assumes is highly uncoordinated and socially awkward.

Imhos Inara

 

[Stable]

Inara was Grand Vizier for three generations of the Imhos royal family, starting with her brother King Imhos Bahoto "the wise", her nephew King Imhos Botato "the patient", and finally her niece, Queen Imhos Urarara "the quick". She was known for her honest, straightforward nature, her piercing gaze, and her ability to unearth plots and treachery through a serious of seemingly innocuous questions. The spies of the Seven Nations all feared her, and in one case a spy was uncovered after fleeing immediately when asked whether they "felt the weather was hot today?" The spies of Eighth Nation Viguarad announced themselves in advance, leading to the creation of the Imhos-Viguarad diplomatic corps, and a period of peace between the two nations that lasted a full two centuries after Inara's death. Urarara, herself an old lady at this point, built a memorial to Inara that stands to this day, although it is now a school for lawyers.

Dave Scufflington

 

[J Riff]

Dave Scufflington shuffled slowly up Slagmore Ave. The Sun scorched down, searing his skull, and he was sorely tempted to step into a saloon on the corner. But he had to get to Susan, before she scrammed with the swag. But he suspected it was too late, and she was gone, and he knew that she was laughing at him from somewhere. Snidely, sarcastically, sardonically sneering at his sad plight, and his obsession with the lettes Ess, and other things. Well she'd soon be sorry. He set off across the Sahara, sabre slung saliciously at his side.

Wonko Chufftonne

 

[Joshua Jones]

Ah, the infamous Wonko Chufftonne... self believed ladies' man and jack of all trades. More commonly believed to be a horrible flirt in every sense of the term and a deuce of all trades. He is currently confined for attempting to [redacted] in the Queen's [redacted] while wearing a [redacted] with [redacted], [redacted], and [redacted]. His only comment was "That would've been EPIC!". Presently being considered for release into a non-disclosed terrorist occupied area in hopes he will accidentally bring down their organization while attempting to join them. He knows nothing of this plan, thinking its a holiday from prison.

Ichtaca

 

[Land Under Wave]

Ichtaca -- Sentient tigress under the patronage of Lady Vera Blackstone--and known affectionately as 'Itchy' behind closed doors. Serves as her mistress's competent bodyguard, huntress, and advising art-critic. Was rescued at an early age from the local animal shelter after losing most of her tail to a bad infection and making faces at the shelter's canine mascot. Has had to cope with the loss of her tail for as long she can remember now, is secretly ashamed that she has no desire to leave her mistress for a life of freedom and irresponsibility, and is currently trying to make friends with all the Manor Mice.


Henrietta Duster-Ventney the Fourth