Character Creation Chain

[Joshua Jones]

"Aaaand in this corner, weighing in at 302 pounds, the uncontested heavyweight champion of the Sol system! The terrifying! The awe inspiring! The one and only...Chunga 'the Ebola' Mumbola!"

"Thank you for that Johnny. The ref is coming to the... Oh no! Mumbola just threw the ref out of the ring! Now he is going in for the challenger with his signature plasma blade. Oh, the humanity! Rick, what can you tell us about what is left of our challenger, Mortimer Weiss?"

 

[J Riff]

Mortimer Weiss - one of the 139 fighters whos' career was ended by the oft-illegal tactics of beloved psychotic wrestler Chunga Mumbola- Weiss' arms grew back in funny and he was forever after known as Octoweiss, a nickname which infuriated him even more, and he attacked Mumbola outside of the sports arena one day, only to learn that tentacles rip off even more easily than arms. Currently regrowing in a vat, Weiss vows to return and 'mangle that mindless mumbling moron Mumbola' to which Mumbola has responded in the press wtih: "Huhh... dhuhr, huhhnn?" which is quite verbose for the normally taciturn hulk, and has been translated as: "Me BEAT, you... I beat!" which is what he always responds with when questioned about anything at all.

Fangor Fennelwich

 

[Joshua Jones]

Weiss reached one of his newly regenerated tentacles to the call button. Within minutes, his valet, Mr. Fangor Q. Fennelwich, appeared. He was a most pleasant sort, never seeming overly perturbed at even the most inane request of his employer. His renown was as a regular Jeeves, partly due to his mastery of nearly every field of knowledge, and partly due to his uncanny similitude of Stephen Fry.

"Yes, sir?" The personal gentleman's gentleman said.

"Get me my agent. I want another fight with Mumbola."

"Very good, sir," he said in a tone that showed simultaneously his disapproval of the idea, and his resignation at the reality that he could not dissuade Weiss. "I will also take the liberty of ensuring the regeneration tank is recharged. Will that be all, sir?"

Robert A. B. McClure

 

[J Riff]

Robert A. B. McClure - Detective, lawyer, man of letters. A busy man, a mysterious figure seen only at night in parking garages or supermarket parking lots. A caster of dice, a mad dancer in the dim lights of nameless streets, and a collector of strange metal objects of no discernible value - Robert A. B. McClure was none of these things, he was the 140th fighter knocked senseless by Chunga Mumbola, and was never quite sure what he was doing, or why, for many years afterward. But then came that fateful day when he met:

Cadge Buxton

 

[CTRandall]

:click:

'Hey, I was watching that, Cadge! Why'd you turn it off?'

'Cos it was crap,' Cadge answered between swigs of some unnamed, possibly illegal carbonated concentrate of caffeine and fructose. 'I thought there was gonna be some good fights but there were too many characters with weird names and I couldn't follow the story. Like in those dragon-lady shows with all the dead people. And besides,' he tipped his head back and drained the last drop of toxic-green juice from his bottle, 'it's after midnight and the rush is just hittin' me. Time to go out and have some fun. Whadda ya say, Ribbon?'

Ribbon Twist

 

[Joshua Jones]

"Oh Cadge, you are just angry that they didn't give you full credit for turning Robert A.B. McClure into a prize winning fighter" Ribbon Twist said. Of course, this was not her given name. After discovering My Little Pony and concluding that she belonged to that universe, she changed her name thus and promptly received a "cutie mark" tattoo on her butt based on her overwhelming affection for ribbon dancing. "But sure, we can go out," she added. "Where do you want to go?"

"Hows'bout that new pub Milliardo Ray opened?"

"Milliardo Ray? Isn't he the one who..."

 

[J Riff]

Milliardo Ray - owner of the famous nightclub The MillPit, site of the ghastly massacre of 2127 in which Ray and noted personalities Cadge Buxton, A.B. McClure, Ribbon Twist and many others died in an explosion triggered by much-beloved maniac wrestler Chunga Mumbola. Mumbola himself was blown out the window by the blast, across the street and into a mattress store, which saved his life, though his head had to be replaced with an android Beta model AI brain, which has increased his intelligence and made him even more dangerous to future opponents in the ring, or anywhere else, for that matter. Authorities have ascertained that the explosion which took the lives of many fictional characters, was caused by a large volume of methane gas in the room though no explanation for the presence of such a voluminous quantity of the deadly vapor has been put forth at this time. Mumbola, now a certified genius with a quad-core silicone brain, was unavailable for comment.

Largon Velconitz

 

[Joshua Jones]

"This is Largon," the assassin said as he opened his flip phone; the last one remaining functional in 2127. "Yes, I filled The MillPit with methane. I even made it look like a gas leak so that no one would suspect your involvement."

A voice, indiscernible to any onlookers, spoke through the ancient communication device.

"Well, as moronic as the cops are here, it is no surprise they didn't notice the gas leak. But, I assure you, if a real investigator looks into the matter..."

More indistinguishable chatter from the phone.

"You are welcome, Octo... I mean, Mr. Weiss. I expect full payment within 2 weeks. Pleasure doing business with you."

The tall, thin man turned to see a silenced handgun pointed to his head. As he lay dying on the pavement, Velconitz uttered to a shocked onlooker one word, "Melancholia". This onlooker was none other than Caligula Ford, a...

 

[J Riff]

Caligula Ford- an assassin's assassin, Ford was hired exclusively to execute other assassins, his latest victim being Largon Velconitz, an ex-employee of the deranged Mortimer Weiss. As Ford strolled off nonchalantly, away from the lifeless yet still-twitching Velconitz, he glanced about nervously. One never knew when Flent Gribmeyer, the deadly assassins' assassin's assassin may be lurking about. In fact... was that him, there, up there in that window right now, pointing a device of some kind at him? It was! Ford crumpled to the pavement as, high above, Gribmeyer chortled nefariously. He turned to leave the seedy third-floor hotel room, but was suddenly pushed out the window, ending on the pavement beside Ford.
High above them, the worlds' first and only Assassin's assassin's assassin's assassin, Brick Fragmonde, chuckled chillingly. And now it was Weiss's turn, first to pay, then to die.

Brick Fragmonde

 

[Paul Meccano]

'Brick Fragmonde, the Frankfurt seismologist?,' stuttered Weiss 'the one who was caught in that volcanic eruption?'

'Yus Weiss' Brick palmed a new clip into the gun and walked to the kitchen where Weiss continued to quiver.

'Wasn't it Bastion Gransel your partner that stole your all terrain vehicle from site...left you there for dead?,' Weiss laughed 'Partner huh'

'My heat tolerant serum was always going to work' Brick pushed his hand in the toaster and switched it on; his skin crackled and spit, his sleeve caught fire, flames ravaged his arm, neck and face,'Ha,ha,ha,haaaaa.'

Brick had been testing a heat tolerant serum on himself and having crawled from the eruption that day he died. He was miraculously resuscitated by his daughter and once fully recovered had found he had a massive tolerance for heat; a tolerance beyond that of any known material.

'I can't believe its you the Assassin's-assassin's-asssaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!' Weiss want up in flames as Brick grabbed his arm, Brick still alight himself.

'The Brick strikes again' Brick proclaimed,arms in the air, smoke rising from flame. He was ready with the gun. The next one wouldn't be close quarters; he would have to kill her from a distance.


Jezebel Cantankerous Crump

 

[J Riff]

Jezebel Cantankerous Crump - AKA the notorious Judge Jezzy, who sentenced many fictional characters to death in a career that spanned many chapters. Her torrid affair with the super-genius wrestler and rocket-scientist Chunga Mumbola is well documented, but what is not known is that Crump was in actual fact an android, built on Mars, and sent here to quietly take over the world, for a group of human-devouring extraterrestrials known only as 'They'.
It was Chunga Mumbola who discerned Crump's true mission, and he took action which resulted in her death by accidentally falling from an airplane. Mumbola's massive mind-power saved the Earth-people from almost certain death, on the dinner tables of ETs too awful to describe in a public forum. The whole deranged affair was best described in the book 'Bumping Off Crump' by E. Hedgemond Kzanyton, with a foreward by the well-known -
Blink Dingerley.

 

[Joshua Jones]

Brick sensed something moving in his room. Before he could move, there was an umbrella pointed at his face.

"Blink Dingerley," the assassin's assassin's assassin's assassin said, attempting to stall as he reached for his lighter. "You are mere assassin; do you really think you can become the world's first assassin's assassin's assassin's assassin's assassin?"

"No indeed. I am merely a person gentleman's gentleman," the voice behind the umbrella said.

"What? Fellelwich?"

A flash, a bang, and Brick collapsed into his bed, dropping his lighter on the comforter. Blink returned to the flat, and exchanged the suit of an assassin for the atire of a valet.

His employer, Weiss, was too damaged to be rejuvenated in the tank, so the doctor had fitted him with cybernetic attachments, transforming him into Mecha-Octoweiss.

"Finally, I have the power to compete with Mumbola," Weiss's digitized voice announced. "Call my agent, Fennelwich."

"Very good, sir," the Fry lookalike said, resigned. Next time, I will make sure he is immobilized, he added in his mind as he pressed some buttons on his phone.

"Michael Borosky?"

 

[J Riff]

"Hello?"
"Borosky - it's time. Bring the device to location Delta-13, and -"
"Who are you calling?"
"Borosky, is that you?"
"No, It's Nigel, Nigel Mellish, you must have called the wrong-"
"No, no the number is right...what are you doing with Borosky's phone?"
"I.... I... I found it.."
"Where is Borosky?"
"Oh, I... don't know, he may be missing..."
"Who the hell are- "
"Mellish, Nigel. I'm just here... yknow, because apparently Borosky didn't want to be in this, this...story."
"He what!?"
"Yes. He's taking a by, a pass. A bypass.. and he wants a different writer than this one..."
"All right then, if that's what Borosky wants, we must do it."
"Fine. Goodbye. And thank you, for letting me be in this story, it's my first one. I'd like to thank - "
"Goodbye." cliK*

Michael Borosky

 

[Cathbad]

"Hello?"
"Borosky - it's time. Bring the device to location Delta-13, and -"
"Who are you calling?"
"Borosky, is that you?"
"No, It's Nigel, Nigel Mellish, you must have called the wrong-"
"No, no the number is right...what are you doing with Borosky's phone?"
"I.... I... I found it.."
"Where is Borosky?"
"Oh, I... don't know, he may be missing..."
"Who the hell are- "
"Mellish, Nigel. I'm just here... yknow, because apparently Borosky didn't want to be in this, this...story."
"He what!?"
"Yes. He's taking a by, a pass. A bypass.. and he wants a different writer than this one..."
"All right then, if that's what Borosky wants, we must do it."
"Fine. Goodbye. And thank you, for letting me be in this story, it's my first one. I'd like to thank - "
"Goodbye." cliK*

Michael Borosky

 

[Mr Orange]

" I am The Borovsky, supervillian! inventor of the Dimensional Ripper, creator and controller of the Great Asunder! from my secret lair deep within a mysterious volcano i shall wreak havoc upon this world and soon, i shall rule with my minions! mua-... oh and by minions i don't mean those horrible little yellow things. these are proper minions, big and hairy with guns for hands and wheels for feet and, you know, other stuff. anyway, where was I? oh, right, yes, MUAHAHAHAHA-"

"uh, Nigel?"

"what? no. it's The Borovsky. like i said earlier. Michael Borovsky if you want the name my dumb parents gave me."

"not Nigel? Nigel Mellish? i was after Nigel Mellish."

"oh. no, you just missed him. he was in the last story, before the big yellow face. which, actually, reminds of those stupid yellow minions. god i hate them. you know, with their stupid eyes and little suppository shaped bodies and that idiotic language. I mean, really, who taught them that garbage. my minions, now they only speak-"

CLICK

_________________________________________________________________________

the big yellow face

 

[Alex The G and T]

They call me "The Face." I'm not sure why. I've got about the same face as most people I know.
It's Big. It's yellow. Yeah? 'Bout like anyone else's face. Looks like an emoji; nose lost in an boxing accident.

I don't know if I have a mustache, or someone stretched my lips too far; but the effect is pleasing enough. Don't even ask me about Babes galore. A gentleman doesn't talk about a Lady, doncha know, nudge, nudge.

Yeah, I lost that finger in a metalshop accident. I was pointing out the dangerous blades; heh, shoulda been standing at arm's length. You know what happens when you stick your finger in something else's business.

Sometimes I get tired of carrying my eyebrows so high; but, actually, they're drawn on and I can't feel them. Heh, Hah! They might as well be hanging around my neck.

But I'm so happy to be me! (Do I have something stuck to my tooth?)

If you love me, you need to meet my frenemy, Fandango Scaramouche.

 

[J Riff]

Fandango Scaramouche - cartoon icon, official Govt. symbol of the Toxico Corporation, seem pasted on buildings round the Galaxy. Resembles a parasitic microbe, despite it's happy little smile and winky face. Many people have been sent to prison for defacing Fango, as it is commonly known, and it is not unusual to see entire razed city blocks, where citizens have used home-made bazookas or rocket-launchers to eradicate the offensive symbol of all that is repressive, stupid and evil. Nobody likes the Scaramouche character, not even the artist who designed it, or even his Mom.

Tucker Fardley

 

[Mr Orange]

Tucker Fardley was a low level gangster out of New Shanghai on Nebul IV. He was only good at two things; sex and being late. But, boy was he good at those.

So good in fact that most people changed his names when referring to him, switching the first letters...

____________________________

Raucous Roddy Rebel

 

[Alex The G and T]

He was a quiet sort. Never one to want to make any waves; or rock any boats.
He actually preferred to be called "Roddereck." He thought that "Roddy" was too racy; like a shouting hooligan at a football match.
Roddereck enjoyed an formal afternoon tea, over a tavern brawl.
But Roddy, now, nursed a hidden seething anger; with a tightly clamped shrieking permeating his very soul. A fury against the idiotic status quo.

You don't want to see that.

Never, ever dare to disturb the Roddy.

______

Kumquat Terwilliger the third.

 

[Coconut_Sundae]

Of all the eccentric lords to wander into the endless parties and idle spectacles of the Great Palace of the Pomegranate Kings, there were few so well suited for the position as Kumquat Terwilliger.
Alas, these are not the environments to raise children well. How does one follow in footsteps taken deliberately off the beaten path?

A hundred years hence, in the time of Kumquat Terwilliger the Third, intrigue and plot could scarcely be told apart. He strode often alone in the peacock's garbs of his forebears in the great gardens of his estate, imagining daggers behind every rose bush. In conversation, his every word felt distracted and odd, his pale face devoid of emotion even as his deep green eyes scried the stars painted on his ceiling for some future yet to be. "The Eagle in Peacock's Feathers" they called him: Kumquat Terwilliger the Third.

_______

Terminus Alderaan