A Bit More Of "Shakedown"

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mosaix

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Sorry but I don't seem to be able to get indenting to work.....

Some background:

Society is broadly split in its attitude towards robots. Some treat them with disdain and use them as slaves, others accept them to the point of treating them as a new, intelligent, life form.

James and Axel (a T6 robot) are on their way to Mars on a shakedown cruise of their Mayflower scoutcraft. The navigation computers are triplicated for redundancy, the software for each one being sourced separately. One of the nodes, apparently, malfunctions and it so happens that the software for this node was written by a robot. There is no danger as the other two continue to function normally but, having time on their hands, James and Axel decide to dig a little deeper.....




The thin, pinched face of Section Head Hindes appeared on the display. Rows of people worked silently behind him, each of them hunched forward over their work, barely looking from side to side.

“I told them it was a crazy idea, but they never listen to me and now look what’s happened. I’ve got an entire section here dedicated to programming Nav Nodes and they foist a robot on me!

Anyway I hope you don’t expect me to drop everything to sort out your little problem, you’ve still got two nodes to be going on with and you’re only on the way to Mars. I’ve got my hands full at the moment - plenty of time when you get back.”

“I wonder if we could have a brief word with the T2?” I asked.

“That’s a bit irregular. What for?”

Axel took over. “Just a robot to robot chat about the software, if that’s OK Mr. Hindes,” he said with a smile, “nothing more than that.”

“There’s nothing in that Nav Node software that you can’t ask me about, there’s nothing in it that any one of us couldn’t have written,” with the emphasis on the ‘us’.

“I’m sure that’s true, Mr Hindes,” said Axel still smiling, “but you know robots, we think differently to humans. Maybe there’s an error in there that only questioning by another robot can dig out. Maybe a misunderstanding or an assumption that a human, say of your ability or experience, just wouldn’t make.”

Hindes relaxed a little, Axel had read him beautifully. “Oh, I suppose you may be right. But it’s still bloody irregular and to be honest I just haven’t got time to discuss it with you, but you’re wasting your time if you expect to get anything sensible out of it.” He turned and shouted. “Sixty-Eight! Sixty-Eight! Get over here!”

Behind him, amongst the rows of desks, we could see some movement. Hesitantly one of the workers stood and moved toward Hindes.

“You’ve completely cocked up that Nav Node software Sixty-Eight,” he sneered as the T2 approached. “Just like we knew you would. You’ve got a Scout Craft into difficulties on the way to Mars and the crew – that’s one of us and one of your lot – would like a word. Don’t take too long and when you’ve finished get back to work.” He stalked off.

She stood before the display, head bowed, a picture of dejection and misery. “I am so sorry for any trouble I have caused you. I did as I was told to the best of my ability.”

“Please sit.” I said

“If you wish.” She pulled a chair closer to the display and sat down.

“Axel,” I inclined my head towards him, “has some questions he’d like to ask.”

“Do you mind if I call you Sixty-Eight?”

“No, my serial number is T2/67GEX068, but I am known to my fellow workers as Sixty-Eight”

“You were specially adapted for the role of writing the Nav Node software?”

“That is correct. Although I have no memory of it, I have heard that I used to work in Engineering. Two years ago my memory was wiped and I had a mixture of astro-navigation and programming skills downloaded. I have worked here since.”

“Tell us about writing the software.”

“I was provided with the specification and wrote the software with utmost care. Others worked on the software for the other node. I took the longest.”

“Why was that?”

“First, I discovered some anomalies in the specification I was given, these had to be corrected. I got the impression that, surprisingly, this was not welcomed.

Also, the other team consisted of several programmers. I worked alone. But also I was very careful not to make any mistakes. In addition to the test plan that I was given, I created several new test scenarios of my own. This also took extra time.”

“Were all three nodes tested together?”

“Yes. The nodes were system tested as a functioning tri-node system. I was pleased that my software functioned according to specification throughout every test. At no time was my work found to be at fault.”

“What if I was to tell you that in this Mayflower the node running your software has been put offline because of discrepancies in its results?”

“I would be both disappointed and ashamed. If I am permitted, I will examine any diagnostic information you can provide, in an attempt to correct my work. Please accept my apologies for putting you both in danger.”

“Do you have any questions James?”

“Only one. Despite detecting that your colleagues were displeased with you for finding errors in the specification, you still went ahead and, in essence, corrected shortcomings in their test plan. Why? I imagine that this also attracted displeasure.”

“You are right but I am conscientious and continually aware that errors in my work could endanger the lives of others. This outweighs any displeasure that I might bring on myself.”

“Thank you for your time Sixty-Eight. You may return to work.”

She nodded, stood and shuffled dejectedly back towards her desk.
 
I personally like technical stories, and indeed write them myself, but I don't know their market value. This reminds me of Asimov's robot stories. It would help if James and Axel could banter or complement each other like McCoy and Spock. Maybe James could be the more logical one.

You may have explained this in an earlier chapter, but if they're headed to Mars, they need faster-than-light communication to talk in real time.

So the T2 wrote the code for one of the three nodes that failed.
"I discovered some anomalies in the specification I was given..."
Maybe you could describe one anomaly? Or is it a feeling the T2 can't describe?

"Also, the other team consisted of several programmers. I worked alone. But also I was very careful not to make any mistakes. In addition to the test plan that I was given, I created several new test scenarios of my own. This also took extra time.”
Maybe this fragment and one or two others can be removed, since it's partially implied.
 
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I personally like technical stories, and indeed write them myself, but I don't know their market value. This reminds me of Asimov's robot stories. It would help if James and Axel could banter or complement each other like McCoy and Spock. Maybe James could be the more logical one.

You may have explained this in an earlier chapter, but if they're headed to Mars, they need faster-than-light communication to talk in real time.

So the T2 wrote the code for one of the three nodes that failed.
"I discovered some anomalies in the specification I was given..."
Maybe you could describe one anomaly? Or is it a feeling the T2 can't describe?

"Also, the other team consisted of several programmers. I worked alone. But also I was very careful not to make any mistakes. In addition to the test plan that I was given, I created several new test scenarios of my own. This also took extra time.”
Maybe this fragment and one or two others can be removed, since it's partially implied.

Thanks for this Jack.

This is the third short story involving these two characters, bits of the previous two have been critiqued on here before.

The technical side is more in evidence in the early stories as Axel gradually becomes more 'human' so to speak. There is absolutely no chance whatsoever that James becomes the more logical one. :) But thanks for the suggestion.

Faster than light travel is going to become even more of a problem as they move away from the solar system in future stories. I havn't yet decided how to deal with it. I could ignore it and imply that it is common place, mention it in passing or go into some detailed technical mumbo-jumbo. I think I might just mention it in passing.

Thanks for the other suggestions, I'll give them some thought. :)
 
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Certainly an interesting piece, mosaix. SF is not my thing, but this held my attention. The theme of humans not trusting robots is one of the classics, and there is a lot of room there for an interesting story. I'll just run through it quickly to point out some errors I spotted...

The thin, pinched face of Section Head Hindes appeared on the display. Rows of people worked silently behind him, each of them hunched forward over their work, barely looking from side to side.

“I told them it was a crazy idea, but they never listen to me and now look what’s happened. I’ve got an entire section here dedicated to programming Nav Nodes and they foist a robot on me!

"Anyway I hope you don’t expect me to drop everything to sort out your little problem, you’ve still got two nodes to be going on with and you’re only on the way to Mars. I’ve got my hands full at the moment - plenty of time when you get back.”

I'm not sure if this was a formatting issue, but if you start a new paragraph with continuing dialogue, as you've done here, it needs a quotation mark at the start.

"I wonder if we could have a brief word with the T2?” I asked.
“That’s a bit irregular. What for?”

Axel took over. “Just a robot to robot chat about the software, if that’s okay Mr. Hindes,” he said with a smile, “nothing more than that.”

I'd spell out 'okay' here, but that's a personal preference - I'm not sure that there is a hard and fast rule there...

Also, 'T2' puts me in mind of the Terminator universe. It might be a connection you want to avoid.

“There’s nothing in that Nav Node software that you can’t ask me about. There’s nothing in it that any one of us couldn’t have written.

I think the first sentence needs to be broken up, as it doesn't flow well. It's a hard one because it's not exactly two seperate thoughts. And the last statement about emphasis seems too much, too obvious. You could just emphasise the us, as I have, or find another subtler way to point it out.

“I’m sure that’s true, Mr Hindes,” said Axel still smiling, “but you know robots. We think differently to humans. Maybe there’s an error in there that only questioning by another robot can dig out. Maybe a misunderstanding or an assumption that a human, say of your ability or experience, just wouldn’t make.”

Another instance where a sentence is probably best broken up. And though I understand what you are trying to do with Axel's last sentence, I'm not sure it's the best phrasing possible. Maybe something like: 'The robot may have misunderstood or made an assumption a person with your experience or abilities wouldn't make.'

Hindes relaxed a little. Axel had read him beautifully. “Oh, I suppose you may be right. But it’s still bloody irregular and, to be honest, I just haven’t got time to discuss it with you. You’re wasting your time if you expect to get anything sensible out of it.” He turned and shouted. “Sixty-Eight! Sixty-Eight! Get over here!”

Here I just think it needed a rejig of punctuation to help the flow. And that first piece of dialogue ran too long, for mine, so I broke it up.

Behind him, amongst the rows of desks, we could see some movement. Hesitantly one of the workers stood and moved toward Hindes.

“You’ve completely cocked up that Nav Node software Sixty-Eight,” he sneered as the T2 approached. “Just like we knew you would. You’ve got a Scout Craft into difficulties on the way to Mars and the crew – that’s one of us and one of your lot – would like a word. Don’t take too long and when you’ve finished get back to work.” He stalked off.

She stood before the display, head bowed, a picture of dejection and misery. “I am so sorry for any trouble I have caused you. I did as I was told to the best of my ability.”

“Please sit,” I said

“If you wish.” She pulled a chair closer to the display and sat down.

“Axel,” I inclined my head towards him, “has some questions he’d like to ask.”

“Do you mind if I call you Sixty-Eight?”

“No. My serial number is T2/67GEX068, but I am known to my fellow workers as Sixty-Eight”

“You were specially adapted for the role of writing the Nav Node software?”

“That is correct. Although I have no memory of it, I have heard that I used to work in Engineering. Two years ago my memory was wiped and I had a mixture of astro-navigation and programming skills downloaded. I have worked here since.”

“Tell us about writing the software.”

“I was provided with the specification and wrote the software with utmost care. Others worked on the software for the other node. I took the longest.”

“Why was that?”

“First, I discovered some anomalies in the specification I was given, and these had to be corrected. I got the impression that, surprisingly, this was not welcomed.

"Also, the other team consisted of several programmers. I worked alone. But also I was very careful not to make any mistakes. In addition to the test plan that I was given, I created several new test scenarios of my own. This also took extra time.”

“Were all three nodes tested together?”

“Yes. The nodes were system tested as a functioning tri-node system. I was pleased that my software functioned according to specification throughout every test. At no time was my work found to be at fault.”

“What if I was to tell you that in this Mayflower the node running your software has been put offline because of discrepancies in its results?”

“I would be both disappointed and ashamed. If I am permitted, I will examine any diagnostic information you can provide, in an attempt to correct my work. Please accept my apologies for putting you both in danger.”

“Do you have any questions, James?”

“Only one. Despite detecting that your colleagues were displeased with you for finding errors in the specification, you still went ahead and, in essence, corrected shortcomings in their test plan. Why? I imagine that this also attracted displeasure.”

“You are right, but I am conscientious and continually aware that errors in my work could endanger the lives of others. This outweighs any displeasure that I might bring on myself.”

“Thank you for your time Sixty-Eight. You may return to work.”

She nodded, stood and shuffled dejectedly back towards her desk.

Just punctuation suggestions through that part, mostly. Altogether, fairly tight.

The only other thing: when it comes to explaining faster-than-light communication or travel, I'd say don't. Mention it in passing, act confident, and you won't have a problem. If you say it works, who can challenge you? But if you explain how it works, folks are going to be all over you if they see any error....
 
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Certainly an interesting piece, mosaix. SF is not my thing, but this held my attention. The theme of humans not trusting robots is one of the classics, and there is a lot of room there for an interesting story. I'll just run through it quickly to point out some errors I spotted...



I'm not sure if this was a formatting issue, but if you start a new paragraph with continuing dialogue, as you've done here, it needs a quotation mark at the start.



I'd spell out 'okay' here, but that's a personal preference - I'm not sure that there is a hard and fast rule there...

Also, 'T2' puts me in mind of the Terminator universe. It might be a connection you want to avoid.



I think the first sentence needs to be broken up, as it doesn't flow well. It's a hard one because it's not exactly two seperate thoughts. And the last statement about emphasis seems too much, too obvious. You could just emphasise the us, as I have, or find another subtler way to point it out.



Another instance where a sentence is probably best broken up. And though I understand what you are trying to do with Axel's last sentence, I'm not sure it's the best phrasing possible. Maybe something like: 'The robot may have misunderstood or made an assumption a person with your experience or abilities wouldn't make.'



Here I just think it needed a rejig of punctuation to help the flow. And that first piece of dialogue ran too long, for mine, so I broke it up.



Just punctuation suggestions through that part, mostly. Altogether, fairly tight.

The only other thing: when it comes to explaining faster-than-light communication or travel, I'd say don't. Mention it in passing, act confident, and you won't have a problem. If you say it works, who can challenge you? But if you explain how it works, folks are going to be all over you if they see any error....


Thanks for all of that Culhwch, the more input the better.

You aren't the first to point out the 'Terminator' link so it's obviously something I need to address. As for a replacement, well I find it surprisingly difficult. Firstly it has to be something towards the end of the alphabet, because previous series of robots have been mentioned in the preceding stories. I have toyed with 'P', 'Q' and 'S' but I have lived with the 'T' series for so long others just don't sound right.

I know there will be people reading this saying 'just do it, any letter will do!' and I know they are right so I have chosen........ no I can't do it - maybe tomorrow. :)
 
Sighs "I niggle, therefore I am" I suppose I'll have to put in some corrections, just so it's clear that I've read it;)

each of them hunched forward over their work
"Each" is singular. Thus each is hunched over his work. Or in this case, his, her or its work, I suppose. Perhaps "all"? I can't think of an elegant solution.

But also I was very careful not to make any mistakes
I don't like that "also". As well as what?

Others worked on the software for the other node. I took the longest.”
Shouldn't that be "nodes", plural?
 
Thanks for that Chris - much appreciated.

Today I almost settled on replacing "T6" with "Q6" and then a friend reminded me of that Spike Miligan television series Q6 - so it's going to have to be P6. There - it's decided.
 
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