Emerald's Season, poem for Lacedaemonian's Crismon Fields

[dustinzgirl]

Lace's story is the inspiration for this, so if you haven't really read it yet this might not make sense, but it probably stands ok on its own anyways. Anyhoo, Crimson Fields has such a grand little cadence of its own it inspired me to write this poem. There is an abc-abc rhyme scheme that is not a perfect rhyme at all.

The line vocis deus - vox ianua (I think) translates (loosley) from latin to the voice of god at the door or something to that effect...also, I realize forswore is not used correctly at the end. But what's life if you can't misuse words now and again?

Emerald’s Season

The wicked howl a mad wind
Seven seasons revenge God
vocis deus - vox ianua

And spat on those who sinned
Vengeance and the wooden rod
Fates in the heart’s blood, Danae

An Elfin dirge for the Fallen
War is fire and life is death
Greater weapons have been wrought

Emerald’s song is callin’
Warrior’s steel is his breath
Falls not with all the battles fought

Flakes of snow and crimson lore
All fall the ruddy ashes
To the battle worn soul

A hundred thousand and more
Demon’s skin strips in slashes
A mountain for the death toll

The kinsmen need their saviour
For all those horrid enemies
Come amply from high and low

And the hero’s steel will roar
Till the end of their journeys
When all evils are forswore.

 

[Keri]

I agree with what Chris in another poem of yours, that I don't like to critique poetry. My style is definately not yours and for me in this piece the rhyme and rhythm are very off. I'm not a big fan of free form poetry and it starts very free form to me.

It just doesnt flow nicely for me. The dark poem even though the meter was way off anything for classical poetry, it flowed well.

I get a sense of what you are trying to convey but the rhythm is so off it is distracting to me. Sorry

 

[Lacedaemonian]

I am a fan of both styles. Free form is more honest. If you intend to write poetry that rhymes then you have to be very careful. I hate contrived prose.

 

[Keri]

The problem with this one was it does sound contrived to me lace as she does try to rhyme in different verses also, is what I was trying to convey. It's like shes stuck between forms. Look at her first two poems in darker poetry and you'll see what I mean there she does true free form and it actually flows beautifully and is much better.
Sorry my opinion I know

PS. I'm not meaning to be overly harsh, I just wanted to let her know what I think and my opinion and what seems to be working and sounds good. Feel free to do the same with my work anytime. I'm on page 2 *grin*

 

[dustinzgirl]

The rhym in this work is kind of supposed to be off, since its more of a fantastical kind of ode thingy. Plus, I know words like ianua and Danae do not rhyme, wrought and fought are not correct rhymes, but rod and God, death and breath are correct rhymes. That was not a forced oversight, but rather a point made of the struggles of that particular scene. Therefore, considering the background I was working with, I went with neither a perfect nor a off rhyme.

However, that being said this was written for a specific scene in a specific tale (which I freaking love, btw) and therefore many of the words are specific to that.



But I do thank you for your opinions and critiques, as those will help me in other works. This one however, I do like it as it is just because that is the way it is supposed to be.