What was the last movie you saw?

Jeffbert

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probably more rehash, but: Zombies of Mora Tau 1957 B and W - young Jan is returning to her childhood home and whoops her driver runs straight over some weedy-looking guy in the road, and keeps going. At the homestead, Granny tries to tell her, 'you didn't learn such things in school', but she's upset - 'but it was a man, I saw him." Next, a crew of crooks on a boat are coming ashore to rob some diamonds. One of them goes overboard and is pulled back up with his neck broken. A dark figure is shot twice with no effect.
Grannie shows the crooks the graves of previous groups who came to the island looking for the diamonds - 1906 British, 1914 German, 1923 British, 1928 Portugese, 1938 American. These diamonds must he hard to get at, but even having never seen this, I'm guessing the zombies protect them. Then, Granny shows them grave plots - for themselves. The crooks are flustered but aren't afeared of any voodoo so they ain't leaving even after gun moll Mona, wife of our gang leader - George Harrison - falls into a grave and screams about wanting to leave. We learn that the jewels are in a sunken boat. Some Easter Island artifacts are looked at, and the 'walking dead' are mentioned, a few times in this movie. Mercy me - Granny's husband is still around as a zombie, 60 years later, she's seen him. She came back here years ago, to help him return to dust. Suddenly a zombie walks into the room where the girls are, they scream, the captain runs in and starts punching the zombie, biff, whack, kersmack, but absolutely no effect and it hurls him around until Granny walks in with a torch and backs it slowly out the door. Shortly, Jan is grabbed on the roadside and carried away by the zombie they had run over earlier. Good guy diver crook tries to save her, he is swatted down but follows her screaming, to zombie headquarters. Ten zombies, wearing nice, clean, better-fitting clothes than you might see on the street today, are shuffling about, a couple of flares make them retreat and Jan and our diver hotfoot it out of there.
Diver goes down to the sunken boat, but a zombie is there waiting, the air cable is snapped but they manage to pull him back up. Gun moll Mona disappears, they head to the graveyard to find her. In a mausoleum, the zombies arise, but flares hold them back, they drag Mona out but she's cold, says nothing, and stares mindlessly so hey we better put her to bed. Granny points out that she's dead, not breathing but George will have none of that crazy talk. Mona gets up a bit later and of course there is a large switchblade handy, right next to the bed, with which she kills one crew member. They bounce a heavy metal object or two off her head but she's invincible until Granny comes in and they manage to control her using a few candles. They put her back to bed and fill the room with candles.
They build a big fire to keep the zombies in the mausoleum, and dive down with welding torches for the loot. All ten zombies appear down there, but the men get the swag, and are pulled up with zombies hanging off them. The zombies board the ship, but goodguy diver takes off in a launch with the diamonds, the walking dead all follow him. Back at the house, he opens the special trick box of treasure, which is older than the pyramids, and the diamonds spill all over Granny and on the floor. George bursts in, grabs the box and leaves, but the diamonds are not in the box. He and tranced-out Mona go to the launch, but she picks up the box and brains him with it, he's deceased, Mona shambles off with the box.
Diver guy has the diamonds and hey, maybe the zombies only wanted the special box. Granny informs him otherwise. There's a dramatic conclusion on the boat, and we get to see Granny's hubby disappear, just his uniform is standing there empty, it falls, Granny monologues, 'at long last! at long last', the credits roll. From this movie we learn that clothing can also zombify, and that zombies can teleport from their mausoleum to deep underwater. So not a complete waste of time.
I know I have seen this film, rather good for a low-budget B-grade. There is a short rotund guy with bulging eyes who does this shtick where one guy starts saying something and the other guy finishes it, but the audience never has a clue what they are talking about. I do not know if he was in this film or not, but the title made me think of him. Edit: Oops! Those were King of the Zombies & Revenge of the Zombies. And the guy was Mantan Moreland.
 
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Jeffbert

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@J Riff The 1970 Beast of Blood film is a sequel to Mad Doctor of Blood Island (1968).

These movies are part of the "Blood Island" series. The other two are............

Brides of Blood (1968) Horrifying mutations come out at night. Sacrifices are made to the most dangerous of them.

Terror is a Man (1959) Inspired by H.G. Wells, The Island of Dr Moreau
I bought what I thought was the blood island collection, but terror is a man is a new title to me.
 

J Riff

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Beast of Blood 1971 -- I guess I better go watch the rest of this series, it's pretty action-packed, good jungle footage. - our young Doc MC is leaving an island on a boat, a crew member mentions the trouble there... and a beast leaps up from inside one of the lifeboats and procedes to decimate the crew with an axe. A gas barrel is hurled, it ruptures, fire, explosion. Doc wakes up floating on some wreckage, we see the beast wake up on the shoreline and go off into the jungle.
Cut to the Doc returning to the island years later - 'Blood Island', and a snoopy female reporter, Myra from the Honolulu Clarion, following him. Pretty obvious they will be romantically involved before long, but soon they go ashore and the natives are not so friendly as previously, maybe because the 'evil one' touched the Doc during his last visit. He talks to the unhappy chief, informs him he is here to find the beast, the chief tells him that the 'Green Men' have returned.
Doc, Myra and the Captain set up in a large hut, someone cuts the generator, a greenish beasty-looking native tries to grab Myra, but she's too quick, Doc shoots and misses but our local native princess chops the guy down as he flees through the jungle.
Now they're breaking into some kind of hidden house in the jungle, Doc figures out the trick door, but then a trick floor panel opens, Myra falls, she's down there with a cobra! Doc blasts it, no problem. They are looking for a missing Doctor Lorca and his assistant Rozek, who is spotted but escapes thru a tunnel. Then Myra is grabbed from the village by the Green Men.
Doc figures out another trick door, we are in a vast underground chamber. Then Myra escapes but uh oh, quicksand. She's saved but a couple bad guys start molesting her until they are all stopped by other native bad guys.
Doc and the princess make out in the jungle, but he can't do it, too worried, he feels like a fool. Oh well. Yikes - the missing Doc Lorca's house, he has an eyepatch and a cane and his face is half mangled - and the beast is there, in two pieces, its head cut off, body plugged into the wall, but it is alive. Lorca monologues at the head but it just looks annoyed and won't talk though it supposedly can.
Doc battles a green man, who falls into a trap, spiky stakes, he's done for. The Captain and armed natives are on their way, following Doc.
A head-transplant goes on while the beast's head watches from inside its glass jar. Whoa, the 'pernicious effects of chlorophyll on the body have been arrested.' We see the beast's head trying to regain telepathic control over its body. The head speaks when there's no-one around, it is pissed at Lorca, we gotta figure he's in big trouble by the end of this. Doc and Myra find time to make out while captives of Lorca.
The princess and good natives arrive and attack with knives, spears, arrows, rifles, machine guns, grenades and dynamite. The beast manages to break its headless body loose and it wrestles with Lorca. The head monologues and laughs maniacally as its body beats up Lorca, then trashes the lab. Everything blows up or is burnt down by the natives. Doc has Lorca's papers but he hopes to do 'nothing, nothing at all, I hope," with them... and it's The End.
 
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Jeffbert

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CHAMBER OF HORRORS (1966) How wonderful to find a fairly decent horror film that I had not already seen. It has a gimmick of notifying the audience of a coming grisly scene by a "Fear flasher" in which the whole screen blinks blood red. But as usual for films of that time, nothing happens that could be worthy of it. Violence is merely implied.

Anyway, it involves a house of wax; not in the way a Vincent Price film would, but the proprietors of the house of wax are amateur sleuths.


Blade Runner 20[xx] Interesting twist. Apparently artificial beings are reproducing. The business owner wants this, others in his employ apparently do not. It just takes too long to make a replicant using the traditional methods; it would be good if these slaves could do it the same way as humans. On the other hand, it would apparently make them free. So, the child of a replicant is sought, and the blade runner has evidence suggesting he himself is the child.
 

AlexH

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Films I've seen recently, from best to worst:

The Help (2011)
I'm catching up on highly-rated films I've missed this decade. The Help, about an author writing a book on African American maids' experiences, is definitely up there with the best. It packs in a few laugh out loud moments too.

Le Mans '66 AKA Ford vs Ferrari (2019)
A really enjoyable film about the friendship between Carroll Shelby and racing driver, Ken Miles. It doesn't quite reach the heights of Rush, but it comes close. The Ford GT40 was one of my favourite cars as a kid, and you get to see plenty of it in this film!

The Guilty (2018)
An excellent Danish thriller that revolves around a police officer taking emergency response calls. If you like Locke, you'll probably like this.

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
Nothing will ever beat Terminator 2, but I enjoyed Dark Fate. The third best Terminator film in the series, and probably what Terminator 3 should've been in the first place. The villain was too talkative but the action was great and Arnie had some great lines. My only other criticism was I could barely see a thing at times. I've seen more contrast in a grey, overcast sky. Was that the film or a problem with the cinema screening?

Song for Marion AKA Unfinished Song (2012)
Probably my favourite feel-good film I've seen in a long while, about a choir, a terminal cancer patient and her grumpy husband. Deserves a bigger audience, and much better than more well known films on the same theme such as The Bucket List.

Joker (2019)
The best portrayal of the Joker, though I think Joaquin Phoenix had more to work with than any other actor has. A very good film, but not one of my favourite 'superhero' films.

Patema Inverted (2013)
Decent sci-fi anime set in an Orwellian world (or two).

Toni Erdmann (2016)
An Austrian black comedy about a father who unexpectedly turns up at his daughter's workplace in Romania, that just gets weirder and isn't quite as touching as I think it was trying to be. There are some pretty funny (and surreal) moments.

The Hunger Games (2012)
Decent enough.

The Love Witch (2016)
About a witch with pathological narcissism. I loved the 1970s visuals and acting style, but otherwise The Love Witch was just okay. The sort of film I expect @Victoria Silverwolf to watch!

Sully: Miracle on the Hudson (2016)
I expected more with Tom Hanks and Clint Eastwood as director. It was okay.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
I didn't fancy this, but as it's so highly rated, I watched. It started well but became too muddled.

Ted (2012)
Boy wishes his teddy would come to life and it does. A bit rubbish. Crude humour can work very well, but Ted fell flat.
 

Av Demeisen

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I thought Joker was a piece of sh*t.

Now watching a very fine Korean film: Parasite.
 

CupofJoe

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The Help (2011)
I'm catching up on highly-rated films I've missed this decade. The Help, about an author writing a book on African American maids' experiences, is definitely up there with the best. It packs in a few laugh out loud moments too.
I won't eat chocolate cake any more because of that film...
 

Victoria Silverwolf

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Lousy Comedies About Monstrous Mothers Double Feature:

Mama Dracula (1980)

Oscar-winning actress Louise Fletcher goes slumming in the title role of this incoherent Belgian farce. She plays Countess Dracula, although the character's back story is more like the legend of Elizabeth Bathory; she bathes in the blood of virgins (always pronounced "wergens" here, just like in Blood for Dracula) to preserve her beauty. She hires a young scientist to create artificial blood, since the supply of the real stuff is drying up. Meanwhile, her two adult sons, played by a pair of really, really annoying twin brothers, kidnap young women from the dressing room of their dress shop, aptly named Vamp. After a lot of pointless scenes, second-billed Maria Schneider finally shows up, apparently destined to become Mama Dracula's successor. The plot actually makes a lot less sense than I've made it sound. Fletcher maintains her dignity, Schneider shows no emotions at all, and everybody else overacts wildly. The twin brothers do a lot of pointless, supposedly funny stuff, like dancing a tango together.

My Mom's a Werewolf (1989)

Let's see; we've got Mom, the husband who neglects her, her teenage daughter, and the daughter's horror buff friend. At a horror convention, Laugh-In veteran Ruth Buzzi, as a Gypsy fortune teller, warns them that that something vaguely evil is going to happen. Sure enough, Mom goes to a pet store to buy some flea collars for the family pooch. The place is owned by John Saxon, as a suave, seductive werewolf. (He actually comes across much more like a vampire.) Mom and Saxon begin a romance, during which he bites her toe. Yep, this begins Mom's very slow transformation into a werewolf. The first symptom is fangs. (Again, this all seems much more like vampire stuff.) Mom goes to a stereotypical Hispanic dentist. In a scene full of sexual innuendo, the dentist (Doctor Rod [!]) fails to drill them flat. Next comes pointed ears, and a change in diet from vegetarian to raw meat. Predictably, hair sprouting on Mom's legs leads to a leg shaving scene. Facial hair brings her to the beauty parlor for treatment. Finally, about ten minutes from the end, we get the full transformation, as Saxon claims her as his bride, and daughter and monster fan friend battle him. The whole thing seems like an extended sitcom. Saxon is pretty good, everybody else hams it up. There are a few moments that aren't really funny, but might be considered cute. Otherwise, lame but inoffensive.
 

J Riff

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Terror is a Man aka Blood Creature 1959 B and W -- at the one hour mark, we still haven't seen the creature, but we know it is a man/cat hybrid made by our mad Doc on a deserted island. There's only 6 people left because everyone fled after one-too-many breakouts by our killer cat-man. Our MC is a lone survivor from a freighter that exploded and sank, he gets involved with the Doc's wife. We see some of Doc's sketches, showing how he has turned a small cat into a full grown man-beast, all wrapped up in bandages and strapped down in the lab. This critter is gonna break loose, kill the Doc, and MC will make off with the wife, the natives will return to the island, and we wait for this, patiently.
A new species, yadadadada... a higher, a perfect man... with fangs. We can see his little cat ears sticking through the bandages. Finally he gets loose and busts up the lab, but they use a torch and his bandages catch on fire and he is subdued. We know though, that the next time he is gonna claw somebody but good. Sure enough, his cat claws appear, stabbing through the bandages and he kills Doc's assistant and runs off into the jungle. Cat-guy thens kills a native girl and makes off with Doc's wife. The Doc follows, and backs the creature, who is carrying his wife, to the edge of a cliff. Cat-man's voice sounds quite a lot like a combination of 'Arrrgh' and 'Meowwrr" and he claws the Doc, bites him, then hurls him off the cliff. MC runs up and shoots catguy, it staggers off. The little native boy finds the creature, puts it into a rowboat and sends it off to sea... and this movie, inexplicably, Ends. We can only hope that Catman lands somewhere friendly to hugely fanged and clawed man/cat creatures.
 

Rodders

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Joker. It was pretty good, but not great. Too long in my opinion.

It was an interesting take on a well known character, but more a comment on the breakdown of modern society and the way that it treats people. I never got the impression that the Joker was a criminal mastermind, so that part of it kind of fell flat. Kinda felt more a modern day version of Taxi Driver.

Great performance from Joachim Phoenix. Decent sound track.
 

Victoria Silverwolf

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Lousy Horror Comedies That Make Sly Reference To A Certain Date On The Calendar Triple Feature:

Thursday the 12th (1982) AKA Pandemonium

Airplane!
-style spoof of slasher films. Starts in 1963 in the city of It Had To Be, Indiana. (Why the weird name? So the local university can be called It Had To Be U. That's the kind of humor we'll get.) A bunch of cheerleaders carrying large fake vegetables -- it was part of the halftime show, I guess -- are killed when an unseen murderer throws a javelin through them, forming a human shish kabob. The movie doesn't trust you to get the visual joke, so somebody actually has to say it. Cut to the present, when the local cheerleader camp is being reopened. (It was closed because cheerleaders kept getting killed there over the years, we're informing by the usual spinning newspapers.) A bunch of folks, both male and female, show up at the camp. One of them is Carol Kane, who, in a direct parody of Carrie, has telekinetic powers and a religious fanatic mother who talks about her "dirty pillows." (In this movie, they're literally dirty pillows. These are the jokes, people.) A whole lot of stuff goes on while we get a few killings, and eventually Kane has a big showdown with the murderer. Along the way we have an escaped prisoner and an escaped lunatic as red herrings; Tom Smothers as the Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer on the case, in full RCMP regalia, complete with horse; Paul "Pee-Wee Herman" Reubens as his helper, pretty much playing an angry Pee-Wee; and appearances by folks like Donald O'Connor and Tab Hunter. Throw a million jokes at the audience and a few of them are bound to work. The best are probably the ones that have nothing at all to do with the plot, such as a visit to a horrible restaurant called The House of Bad Pies.

Saturday the 14th (1981)

Real-life husband and wife Richard Benjamin and Paula Prentiss star as a married couple who inherit a spooky old house. Meanwhile, a vampire couple wants to get their hands on the place, because it contains the Book of Evil. The couple's preteen son opens the book and all kinds of goofy-looking monsters (guys in rubber suits) show up and act silly. They do things like play cards and use feather dusters rather than act like monsters. The male vampire leaves Prentiss with two fang marks on her throat -- we don't see the actual biting -- and this leads to, well not much, really. When she finds a bunch of fake bats in the attic -- in a running joke, she thinks these are owls -- they hire an exterminator named Van Helsing. This all leads to the final showdown between Van Helsing and the vampires for the Book of Evil.

It turns out Van Helsing is the bad guy.

It's all very childish and silly, with random gags like a bathtub containing a shark and a Black Lagoon creature.

Saturday the 14th Strikes Back (1988)

Unrelated sequel. This time we have a house with a crack in the basement that lets out evil. A sexy vampire shows up in the teenage son's room and sings a jazz song about how she would rather eat normal food than blood. (She's played by a real jazz singer of some note, so this is the best thing in the film, which isn't saying much.) A mummy, a werewolf, a bunch of real-life murderers, and some evil guy in a fez show up. Evil wants the son to become the next master of evil, or some such thing. Ray Walston plays "Gramps," who, it turns out, isn't actually the father of either parent; he's some kind of ancient wizard here to defend the son. It doesn't make much sense, really. Lots of random scenes, such as family members, in a seeming trance state, carry spoons to Dad who is carving a model of the Statue of Liberty from chocolate. (A reference to Close Encounters of the Third Kind?) By the way, the family only eats sweets; this is never explained. It's really a mess of a film.
 
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Starbeast

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Lousy Horror Comedies That Make Sly Reference To A Certain Date On The Calendar Triple Feature:
Thanks for the warning. I was always curious about SATURDAY THE 14TH & sequel.

Another big thanks for warning me about, THURSDAY THE 12TH, which I've never heard of. But that's the good thing.
 

Randy M.

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Lousy Horror Comedies That Make Sly Reference To A Certain Date On The Calendar Triple Feature:

[...] Saturday the 14th (1981)

Real-life husband and wife Richard Benjamin and Paula Prentiss star as a married couple who inherit a spooky old house. Meanwhile, a vampire couple wants to get their hands on the place, because it contains the Book of Evil. The couple's preteen son opens the book and all kinds of goofy-looking monsters (guys in rubber suits) show up and act silly. They do things like play cards and use feather dusters rather than act like monsters. The male vampire leaves Prentiss with two fang marks on her throat -- we don't see the actual biting -- and this leads to, well not much, really. When she finds a bunch of fake bats in the attic -- in a running joke, she thinks these are owls -- they hire an exterminator named Van Helsing. This all leads to the final showdown between Van Helsing and the vampires for the Book of Evil.[...]
One of only two movies I recall ever walking out on. We'd sat and watched, I think, Police Academy and then this came on on a double bill. How bad do you have to be to be worse than Police Academy? And I'd had hopes since Benjamin and Prentiss starred.

Anyway, there was one gag I recall liking (at least, I think it was this movie). The kids turned on the TV in the house and every channel they turned to was playing The Twilight Zone.


Randy M.
 

J Riff

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Creature of Darkness 2009 - well it had 'creature' in the title, but no cigar. At 12 min. I hit fast-forward, then turned the sound down, as a big ugly poorly-animated ET picked off our young moronic dune-buggy kids in the desert. It's amazing that a movie like this can be so much worse than 50s throwaways, but it can. They run, they scream, they shoot flare guns, there's jets etc. but - no. Next. )
 

Allegra

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The Goldfinch (2019). The book, being a masterful modern classic, is of course much better, but I wasn't disappointed, actually I can't imagine the film can be any better than this. It is a very difficult to make type of film. The director apparently tried very hard to stick to the novel, much of narratives, dialogues are word by word from he book. The mood is right, the cast excellent. Only thing that isn't stick to the book is that a very important character who is an antique restorer having pale European looks in the novel, played by a black actor (trying to be politically correct not to have an all white cast?), but it turned out the actor did a great job. There are lots of flashbacks that can be confusing for viewers who haven't read the book.

Read the book first.
 

J Riff

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Escape from DS3 1981 --- Detention satellite 3, no-one has ever escaped, Andy is sent there, we figure he's as good as out. The title is a
clue to that, plus Andy is innocent, framed, he's the good guy. The all-male prisoners, if they behave, get a visit every two weeks from 'Pen Pals' which are female robots that smile and walk about with little buzzing electric motor sound FX. The prisoners are allowed to have as much 'happy' substance as they want, they can stay stoned all the time if they like. Some prisoners have direct telepathic communication with the authorities, they just sit there and hear voices, then think their answers back. Well, Andy and the guys in his block figure it out, steal parts, jury-rig this and that, grab some guns and a scout ship and take off, headed for a rogue planetoid or something. Too bad Andy has been found innocent and could return to Earth, but at least the other guys get to escape too. Not too tense, this one, and pretty bad synth music from 81 to boot. But not so bad.
 

Jeffbert

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The Hitch-Hiker (1953) Ida Lupino directed this, and as Muller noted, it lacked any of the standard machismo element that would have been in a man-directed film. So the bad guy's handiwork is seen, dead guy slumped over the steering wheel, his wife/girlfriend likewise hanging out the passenger door, both dead. Then, we join the two guys driving along, talking about their vacation, etc. They pick up the bad guy (film was based upon actual crimes), and he takes a seat in the rear, immediately pulls a gun, and gloats about his intention to kill the two.

So, there is no attacking the hitch-hiker, until he is handcuffed at the end. But there is very much tension as the hitch-hiker occasionally reminds them of their coming fate. The one guy is eager to fight or die, while the other talks sense into him. Very tense film!
 

Anthoney

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Joker. It was good. I don't think it's as great as some people do but it was good. Lots of Taxi Driver and King of Comedy vibes.
 
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