Lord of the Limericks

[Boaz]

There once was a man from Dor-Lomin
who through the lands went a roamin'.
He crossed Sirion
entered Region,
and was captured by Elven bowmen.

 

[Boaz]

Frodo voiced his old frustration
with Gandalf's administration,
"I've been stung and stabbed,
bitten, poisoned and grabbed.
I think I'd like a vacation."

 

[Boaz]

Frodo went on a quest to Mordor
and he crossed many a border.
Home from his journey,
he found that Bill Ferny
was the new Buckland Gate warder.

 

[farntfar]

There’s them as ask if Jackson aught’ a
put Tom in an’ the river daughter
To make a fourth movie
just of them might be groovy.
There’d be moans if he did it much shorter.

 

[Boaz]

Peter Jackson set out to prove he
could turn LOTR into a movie...
only kept the title,
changing everything vital.
Still I thought Theoden's charge was groovy.

 

[Boaz]

Legolas was a terrible romancer
'cuz he wasn't a very good dancer.
He'd trip and fall.
Then his date would bawl,
"I'd rather marry the Necromancer."

 

[Boaz]

Pippin donned Bilbo's old "Tent" suit
for he'd been invited to the Ent Moot.
He began to grapple
with what he thought an apple.
'Til Treebeard cried, "Noooooo! That's my ent-fruit!"

 

[Boaz]

Saruman's noble home of Orthanc
had become so dreary and dank.
And as his face teared,
He said, "Hey, there. Treebeard,
Don't you know it was all just a prank?"

 

[farntfar]

Wormtongue weren't a very bright spark. He
had thought that were lustful and dark. He
did what he was told.
Then at Bag End grew bold.
With his knife he at last jumped the Sharkey.

 

[Graymalkin]

Oh hear tell of Gorbag and Shagrat
when they did for themselves in a spat
A Elf 'ero found 'em
and slyly went round 'em
As they faught for some tit n some tat

 

[Boaz]

Grima really was an old sinner.
In Rohan, he was a web spinner.
A thief and a liar...
He went to the Shire.
And ate poor Lotho for dinner.

Uruk-hai are orcs designated
from the sun's glare emancipated.
Ugluk was their Cap'n,
'til bad luck did happen,
By Eomer decapitated.

 

[Boaz]

So, here is my latest limerick
sans reading, riding, 'rithmetic.
farntfar and Graymalkin
dearly love J. Tolkien...
but this thread is my emetic.

 

[paranoid marvin]

There once was a hobbit called Frodo
Who went on a journey to Mordor
He set off on his quest
Whilst wearing a vest
He'd got from his old uncle Bilbo

 

[paranoid marvin]

Within Middle Earth dwelt a wraith
A spectre of utmost bad faith
With the Ring on tha' finger
To Mordor he'd bring yer
To see out the rest of yer days

 

[Graymalkin]

The Lamps of the Valar were glowers
The wonders of Arda to show us
but illumin'g such things
as The Lord Of The Rings
Is the Tigger like figure of Boaz

His devotion Is nigh on religious
(almost verging on the litigious,)
While I need to rehearse
to write any verse
His knowledge is surely prodigious,

Some skills he may be bereft in
but lymerics he's clearly most deft in.
It's a little heretic
to say it's emetic
Some things are better out, than left in.

Oh ... The Mewlips are known for their hunger
And they're not gonna get any younger.
Now they're angry and thin
with grey scales on their skin
Because last week they ate the fishmonger.

 

[Boaz]

I almost snorted out my Bloody Mary.

 

[Boaz]

Old Bilbo's and Frodo's birthdays,
set the rumor mill buzzing apace.
Now the story goes...
"Bilbo said uno, dos,
and then vanished without a tres."

 

[Boaz]

There once was a thief from the Shire
whom Dwarves were persuaded to hire.
He gave them the flagon
he took from the dragon,
but was almost singed by the fire.

 

[Boaz]

This limerick might make you tingle.
It's the fable of old Elu Thingol.
The Dwarves necklace thrilled him...
that is... 'til they killed him.
Moral: Elves and Dwarves should not mingle.

 

[Boaz]

Pippin would begin to squeal
if he missed a single meal.
"You'll get none and like it.
To Weathertop you'll hike it,"
said Strider. "Or feel my steel."