Trunks' x-mas Present to All Harry Potter Fans at Ascifi


Its been a while...
Jul 4, 2001
Setting: Great Hall, Hogwarts.

Enter all cast.

Students take seats at tables, while teachers take seats at the High Table.

DUMBLEDORE: Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! We are looking forward to a fun, and hopefully uneventful, year. A few announcements before the feast: First years should note that the Dark Forest is forbidden, and that no magic is to be used in the corridors between classes. I am also pleased to inform you that we have a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher: please give a warm Hogwarts welcome to Professor Holmsemeade!

HOLMSEMEADE rises, and glances coldly at the tables. Students all applaud nervously.

DUMBLEDORE seems to keep talking. Only RON, HARRY, and HERMIONE can be heard.

HERMIONE: She looks a bit, well, creepy, doesn't she?

RON (sarcastically): Hermione Granger! How dare you insult a teacher! 50 points from Gryffindor!

HERMIONE: Ha ha, very funny.

HARRY: No, Hermione's right. She does look a bit scary.

MCGONAGALL: Potter! Weasley! Granger! Stop talking!

HARRY, RON, HERMIONE: Sorry, professor.

DUMBLEDORE: Let the feast begin!

Students begin eating.

HARRY: Hey, Professor McGonagall says we're going to learn how to transform animals into other animals this year. I'm looking forward to that.

HERMIONE: Humph! I can't believe you two! Honestly! Hasn't anyone but me read the new Transfiguration book?

RON: No. Hermione, why do you even bother to go on vacation if all you do is read books for the next year?

HERMIONE: Anyways, I already know the spell. Here, I'll show it to you. (She rummages through bag of stuff.) Oh, no! It's gone!

RON: What is?

HERMIONE: My Transfiguration Book! I'm doomed!

HERMIONE gets very teary-eyed.

HARRY: Well, it must be up in the dormitory. Don't worry.

HERMIONE: No, it was right here! I know it was!

RON: We'd better help her, Harry. I think our lives are at stake if she doesn't find it.

DRACO, CRABBE, and GOYLE walk over, snickering.

MALFOY: Well, if it isn't Harry Potter and his little band of followers, Weasley and Granger.

RON: You should look in the mirror, Malfoy.

MALFOY: You better watch it, Weasley.

HARRY:Oh, like you could do much about it Malfoy. You're a pushover without your disciples here.

MALFOY: Why you little... (Goes to pull out wand.) Hey! Where's my wand!

HERMIONE: A wand? You mean you actually know a spell now?

PROF. SNAPE walks over.

SNAPE: What's going on here?

MALFOY: Potter used a spell to take my wand, sir.

MALFOY smiles wickedly at HARRY.

SNAPE: Potter, empty your pockets.

RON: But he didn't do anything -

SNAPE: Empty your pockets now! That's 10 points from Gryffindor for not following directions.

HARRY glares at SNAPE, then empties his robe pockets, astonished to find the wand there.

SNAPE (smirking): So, you decided to steal Malfoy's wand for your own, did you? I shall inform Professor McGonagall. Ten more points from Gryffindor, and a detention for you and Mr. Weasley here for questioning my command.


LISA: Well, I don't think that was very kind of him. Who is that anyways?

HARRY: That was Professor Snape. He teaches Potions. You're Lisa Lowe, right? LISA nods. Pleased to meet you. The shake hands. He'll hate you too, because you're a Gryffindor. And don't worry about it; I'm used to it by now.

LISA: But you didn't take that wand, did you?

HARRY: No, I didn't. And I'm wondering how it got there. I wouldn't want Malfoy's wand in the first place.

RON: Who would?

HERMIONE: I wonder who could have done it?

HERMIONE glances over at High Table, astonished to see HOLMSEMEADE looking menacingly at HARRY and muttering something.

HARRY (clutching forehead): Ouch!

HERMIONE: What is it?

HARRY: My scar! It hurts really bad!

HERMIONE looks back at HOLMSEMEADE, who spots her, quickly stops muttering, and looks away.

HARRY: It stopped!

HERMIONE: Harry, I saw Professor Holmsemeade looking at you and muttering something, and then your scar began hurting. Then I saw her look away, and you said it stopped!

RON: What would Holmsemeade have against Harry? She doesn't even know him.

HARRY: Well, we'll find out tomorrow, won't we?



Its been a while...
Jul 4, 2001
Setting: Gryffindor Common Room.
Students are busily discussing their first day. RON, HERMIONE, and HARRY are seated talking.

HARRY: I now officially have a new least favorite class.

RON: How's that posssible? It can't get any worse than Potions.

HARRY: That Holmsemeade woman is scary.

HERMIONE: I thought she knew her information very well. She may be a bit strict, but certainly not worse than Snape.

HARRY: No, she is. She took me out in the hall after class and told me to watch my back.

HERMIONE: Well, she probably only meant -

RON: Oh, Hermione, of all people! Last night you were accusing her of causing the pain in Harry's scar, and now you're sticking up for her. Unbelievable...

HERMIONE: Really, Ron, it's like you said. She couldn't possibly have anything against Harry right now.

RON: Then why would she threaten him like that?

HARRY: Well, I also have to worry about my detention with Snape.

HERMIONE: Hold on, I'll be right back. I've got to get my Potions book to start my essay.

RON: It's not due for another month!


LISA: Hey guys.

RON: Hi, Lisa.


LISA: So how was your first day?

HARRY: Awful.

RON: Holmsemeade is out to kill him.

LISA (gasps): Oh, no! You're not serious, are you?

HARRY: Actually, he is. She told me to watch my back.

RON: And Hermione still hasn't found her Transfiguration book.

LISA: Still? Oh, that's awful -

Enter HERMIONE, looking upset and furious.

HERMIONE: Harry Potter! You little -

HARRY: What?

HERMIONE: How dare you!

RON: What did he do?

HERMIONE: He knows darn well what he did! Stealing my book and then putting it on my bed with a threatening note! (Tosses book at HARRY.)


HARRY reads note, then gives it to RON.

LISA: What does it say?

RON: It says, 'Hey Hermione, thanks for the book. Now I'll know how to turn you from a cow into a normal person! Watch your back. Yours truly, Harry'.

LISA: Harry, you didn't write that, did you?

HARRY: Of course not! Why would I?

RON: Harry, it's your handwriting.

HARRY: Ron, you - you don't believe I did this, do you?

RON: Well, it's just that... you know... Oh I don't know. I'm going to bed.

Exit RON.

HARRY: I don't believe this! I didn't steal Hermione's book, I have my own. And I certainly would never write that to her! She's my friend!

LISA: I believe you, Harry. But if you didn't do it, then we have to find out who did.

MCGONAGALL: (calls from backstage) Bedtime!

HARRY: Well, we'll figure it out tomorrow.



Its been a while...
Jul 4, 2001
Setting: Great Hall. It's breakfast
* Everywhere where this star appears, a monotone voice needs to be used.

HERMIONE is sitting by herself, glaring every now and then at HARRY.


DUMBLEDORE: Excuse me, everyone, but I have urgent news. Miss Lisa Lowe was kidnapped last night from the Gryffindor Common Room. An investigation is under way, and EVRYONE from Gryffindor will be questioned.

SNAPE (To DUMBLEDORE): There's no need to question anyone but Potter, Headmaster. It's quite obvious that he did it.

DUMBLEDORE (To SNAPE): Unless that can be proved, it would be best if you would not accuse any student of this act, Severus. (To the Great Hall) I would like all Gryffindor students to please follow Professor McGonagall, while I and the rest of the teachers investigate Gryffindor Tower. All other students are to report back to their House Common Rooms and stay there. Thank you.


MCGONAGALL: Gryffindor, this way, please.

MCGONAGALL, HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE walk over to the edge of the stage.

MCGONAGALL: Okay, I need to ask you all some very serious questions. It's best to answer truthfully. I'm going to ask these questions to all of you at once. When was the last time you saw Lisa?

HERMIONE: Last night, in the Common Room.

RON: Yeah, same here.

HARRY: I saw her after they both did, but we were still in the Common Room. Lisa and I were talking about, er...stuff, and then she said good night and we went to sleep.

MCGONAGALL looks doubtfully at HARRY.

MCGONAGALL: Next question. What were the last things you said to her?

HERMIONE: I haven't talked to her much, really. I think the last time I talked to her was yesterday in the corridors, and all I said was hello.

RON: I can't remember; let me think...Oh, yeah! Erm, well, I was talking to her about, um, well, it isn't important.

MCGONAGALL: It certainly is! Both you and Mr. Potter have decided not to fully answer my questions. That's very suspicious indeed...

RON looks over to HARRY, desperate. HARRY nods.

HARRY: I'll tell you what we were all talking about with her. You see, we think that Professor Holmesmeade is behind all this, and -

MCGONAGALL: Nonsense! Beatrix would NEVER perform such acts! What could she possibly need those things for?

HERMIONE (angrily): THEY think that she's trying to bring back You Know Who.

MCGONAGALL: Rubbish! Beatrix Holmsemeade, bringing back He Who Must Not Be Named? This is absurd!

RON (blurts out): Well, all the other Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers were cooks! Why wouldn't she be?

MCGONAGALL: That's enough, Mr. Weasley!

HARRY: But, it's true! How do you know she's not trying to?

MCGONAGALL: I will hear no more of this! Ten points from Gryffindor! Mr. Potter, I suggest you finish telling me what you were saying so we can get on with this investigation.

HARRY: Well, as I was saying, we think she MAY be behind it, and we were all talking about that. That's all. We never said anything threatening.

HERMIONE (blushing, but still angrily): Oh, you may not have said anything threatening to HER, but to ME it's a whole other matter -

MCGONAGALL: Excuse me?

HERMIONE: Um, nothing, I was just, er, nervous, and I kind of, um, stuttered.

MCGONAGALL: Well, if you did nothing there's nothing to be nervous about, is there?

HERMIONE: No, no there isn't.

MCGONAGALL: Okay, next question. Harry, this one is for you. What did you say that was threatening to Miss Granger?

HARRY: I didn't say anything! She got this note, and it said it was from me, but I didn't do it -

MCGONAGALL: Miss Granger, I would like to see the note, please.

HERMIONE hands MCGONAGALL crumpled note, and then stares down at floor, blushing.

MCGONAGALL (after reading note): Harry, this is your signature and your handwriting.

HARRY: Professor, I didn't -

MCGONAGALL: Do you have any proof that you did not?

HARRY looks desperately at RON, but RON just shakes his head and looks down.

MCGONAGALL: I see. Unfortunately, Mr. Potter, this is eveidence that you commited these, ACTS. This matter is now out of my hands, and you will have to be dealt with by Headmaster Dumbledore. As for you two -


SNAPE: Explain yourself, Potter!

DUMBLEDORE: Severus! Harry, I need to speak with you immediately. Minerva, take Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger back to the Gryffindor Common Room and then come back here immediately.


DUMBLEDORE: I think we should wait until Professor McGonagall gets back, before we begin.

HARRY (confused): But, sir, I was already questioned -

SNAPE (smiles wickedly): You're not being QUESTIONED. You're being EXPELLED!

DUMBLEDORE: Severus, no one is beign expelled at the moment. I think you and I should go and have a little chat over there.

DUMBLEDORE and SNAPE walk further away, towards the High Table.

HARRY: I wonder what they want to talk to me about. Maybe they found out who did it!

MCGONAGALL: They most certainly did, Potter.

HARRY jumps with fright; enter MCGONAGALL.

HARRY: Who was it?

DUMBLEDORE: Ah, Minerva, you've arrived.

DUMBLEDORE and SNAPE walk back over to HARRY.

DUMBLEDORE: Harry, I'm going to get straight to the point. We know you kidnapped Lisa. We need to know where she is.

HARRY's mouth is agape.

HARRY: But, I didn't -

SNAPE: Don't lie Potter! We found this note on her bed. Hands HARRY a note.

HARRY (aloud): 'Lisa's been taken and hidden somewhere with water. She was kidnapped by me, the great Harry Potter. You'll find her alive, but she cant get any worse, as I transformed her using the Animagus Curse. She's somewhere wet, but not in a pool. You'll find her somewhere in this very school. So hurry to find her, don't stay and wait, or her water may flush and you'll be too late.' What's this!?

DUMBLEDORE: That's what we'd like to know.

HARRY: Professors, I didn't write this.

MCGONAGALL: Potter, Miss Granger informed me that you stole her Transfiguration Book and that's when you lefy her that, well, nasty, note.

DUMBLEDORE (sighs): And, Professor Snape tells me you stole Mr. Malfoy's wand. Harry, I would have never thought you, of all people...

SNAPE: I knew it all along, Headmaster. Potter has always been a rule breaker.

DUMBLEDORE: Now, now, Severus. Now, Harry, tell me where she is, and you'll be on your way home...

HARRY: What!? I AM being expelled!?

SNAPE smiles menacingly.

DUMBLEDORE: Unfortunately, yes. Now, where is Miss Lowe?

HARRY: But I already told you that I didn't do it!

DUMBLEDORE: Severus, the potion, please.

SNAPE hands DUMBLEDORE a vile, and his smile grows still bigger.

DUMBLEDORE: Harry, please drink this.

HARRY drinks it, questioningly.

DUMBLEDORE: Harry, can you hear me?

*HARRY: Yes.

DUMBLEDORE: Tell me where Lisa Lowe is.

*HARRY: Lowe is hidden in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. She was transfigured into a goldfish that lives in the toilet.

DUMBLEDORE: Did you steal those things that you've been accused of?

*HARRY: Yes.

DUMBLEDORE: Why did you steal Mr. Malfoy's wand?

*HARRY: I needed it to perform the Transfiguration spell I used on Lowe. My own wand doesn't have the proper core for the spell.

MCGONAGALL: He's right, Headmaster. Harry's wand contains a phoenix feather, and that can't be used for the spell.

DUMBLEDORE: And why did you steal Miss Granger's Transfiguration book?

*HARRY: Becuase I did not know how to perform the Animagus Curse.

SNAPE: What's that supposed to be?

MCGONAGALL: It's a curse that painfully turns a human into an animal, thus making them an Animagus. The counter curse is very difficult to perform. And it has a peculiar side effect. If, at any time, the Avada Kedavra Curse is used on someone who has had the Animagus Curse used on them, it will not kill them, but rather transform them into their animal form until the Avada Kedavra Curse is again used on them. If it is again used on them, they become human again.

DUMBLEDORE: Last question, Harry. Why is it that you kidnapped Miss Lowe?

*HARRY (an insane smile cracking his expressionless face): Because she was all that was blocking my way from bringing Lord Voldemort back to life again!



Its been a while...
Jul 4, 2001
Setting: DUMBLEDORE's office. HARRY is sitting dazed.

MCGONAGALL: Well, it's a relief you could perform that counter curse, headmaster. Are you alright, Lowe?

LISA (shocked): Yes, I think so...I'm not sure.

DUMBLEDORE: You'll need to see Madam Pompfrey. In the meantime, Harry, I think you should explain to Miss Lowe what you told us.

HARRY: What? What did I tell you?

DUMBLEDORE: The confession you gave us under the influence of Professor Snape's handy Truth Potion.

HARRY: What!? What did I say?

DUMBLEDORE: You told me that you stole Mr. Malfoy's wand to use the Animagus Curse --

HARRY: The what curse?

DUMBLEDORE (continuing): And why you stole Miss Granger's book, and why you transformed Miss Lowe into a goldfish in the first place.

HARRY: But I didn't...

MCGONAGALL: The Truth Potion doesn't lie, Potter.

DUMBLEDORE: Minerva, please take Miss Lowe down to the Hospital Wing.




Its been a while...
Jul 4, 2001
Setting: Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.
Enter HARRY.

HARRY: Lisa? I got your note to meet you here. Listen, I just want to explain -

LISA (in a menacing voice): Explain what, Potter?

HARRY: About what happened...

LISA: How can you explain? You don't know half of what happened, Harry. In fact, I should be the one whose explaining it to you. I did it.


LISA: That's right. I did all this.

HARRY: But why? And how?

LISA: Let's start from the beginning. I came to Hogwarts under the orders of my master to get rid of you by any means possible. First of all, I'm not 11 years old. I'm much older. I used a Youth Potion to make me look 11. And then I started. First, I took Malfoy's wand from him and gave its powers to mine, because mine is like yours: it has the feather of a phoenix in it. And a wand like ours can't perform the Animagus Curse. Then, I had to steal Hermione's book to get the curse's words from it. And, I had to right notes using YOUR handwriting. I am able to do your handwriting perfectly because of a spell I used when we shook hands. And then, of course, I Transfigured myself in this bathroom into a gold fish, and made it look like you did it! The most difficult part was putting my memory into yours, because I knew they'd use a Truth Potion, so they had to hear the truth from you. That was hard to do, Potter, but I did it at the Feast. Remember that pain in your scar? All from me.

HARRY: But Hermione saw Holmsemeade doing it!

LISA: No, she tried to stop it. She could sense the curse being performed. At least she didn't know that I did it. Anyways, I got it to work, and now that you'll be expelled, you can't stop my master from returning! Laughs insanely.

HARRY: But I'll tell! I'll tell everyone!

LISA: Harry, who would believe you? They watched you confess! It's perfect. And now, the Dark Lord will rise again! Laughs again.

HOLMSEMEADE: Avada Kedavra!!!!


LISA drops to the floor, "dead'.

HARRY: Professor!

HOLMSEMEADE: Harry, are you alright?

HARRY: Yes, I think so. Thank you very much --

HOLMSEMEADE: Yes, of course.

HARRY: There's still stuff I don't understand, though.


HARRY: Lisa told me that you were performing a counter curse on me last night. But I was so sure, you were, well -

HOLMSEMEADE: The bad guy?

HARRY: Well, yeah.

HOLMSEMEADE: No, no, no. You see, I teach DEFENSE Against the Dark Arts. I don't perform Dark Magic.

HARRY: I know. But my question is, why did you tell me to watch my back?

HOLMSEMEADE: Well, I didn't know it was Lisa at the time, but I knew someone was trying to hurt you, or worse...

HARRY: But how did you know that she was here and that she did it?

HOLMSEMEADE: Because yesterday in class you showed me you aren't very
good with riddles, and that's what our class work was yesterday? Remember? You
had to solve that riddle to perform the Eye Itching Curse? It was quite evident
you were know good with riddles. And that's what YOUR kidnapping note was: a
riddle. And so, I followed where the note said to go: a place where water may
flush. And I found Lisa, perfectly fine, talking about bringing back Lord
Voldemort. It was quite obvious, then.




Its been a while...
Jul 4, 2001
Setting: Great Hall
Enter cast.

DUMBLEDORE: Everyone settle down, please. I must tell you something awful. Lord Voldemort was nearly restored to power again. If it wasn't for Harry Potter and Professor Holmsemeade, he would be back. Harry has before demonstrated outstanding courage, and now is no exception. I award Gryffindor House one hundred points. But, the school year has just begun. So, everyone, let's get to breakfast!

HARRY: You know what? They never found Lisa's body when they went back to get it. But she was definitely dead when Holmsmeade killed her.

RON: Hey, that's odd. Pulls a goldfish in a bag out of his stuff.


RON: Where did this gold fish come from?