Terrible films!

Brian G Turner

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Well, I had the misfortune to watch "Armageddon" the other week - Bruce Willis leading a team of oil riggers into space to land on an approaching special effect.

I can only imagine that every single member of the cast was blackmailed into their parts. The sheer cheesy pointlessness of it all was astonishing.


Oh - and secondly, "A Call to Arms" - a "Babylon 5" movie video thing I happened to buy a couple of years back and hated. Had the misfortune to watch it this morning. It's astonishing that such a generally talentless piece of production ever escaped the wastepaper basket. Everything in it was awful. There are some pretty effects - all joined together in a seemingly random disjointed manner. Truly awful.

Even more amazing as J. Michael Straczynski did some good work between series 2 and 4 of Babylon 5. Were his good moments simply flukes of creativity? Sad, really.
 

Survivor

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I've never actually watched Armageddon all the way though, but I have been in the same house where others have watched it, so think I caught all the highlights. The only good part was when Bruce Willis goes in to see the rig NASA has assembled and he's like, "well of course it doesn't work, you put it together backwards."

That exact thing happened to my sister with one of her propellor designs. The testing facility was sending back all kinds of funny data, and she goes out there and they've bolted the thing on backwards! ;D

Of course, she didn't say, "well you are obviously not competent to properly use my design, so I will take my design team to Norfolk and we will act as the command crew for the prototype Seawolf." Of course, I suppose we could make a funny movie on that basis....
 

Brian G Turner

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Well, I guess in "Armageddon"'s defence I only actually saw the last hour or so - launch of the two shuttles onwards. Maybe it was just a pop-corn movie. Some people sweatr by pop-corn movies, but I'm just not one for them. I think I'm just a closet snob. ;)
 

mac1

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Armageddon - The only film I actually waled out of the cinema during !!
 

Survivor

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Well, if we're making nominations....

Does anyone remember Waterworld? Now that was a truly "awesome" movie.
 

mac1

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Dito! I never did finish it!

I think the story behind it probably went a little like this. (perhaps!)

JAMES CAMERON One of the greatest disaster stories of all time eh? I know I'll make a love story out of it.

FRIEND OF CAMERON'S WHAT?? You must be mad. People will never buy it.

JAMES CAMERON Huh! Don't overestimate the intelligence of the viewing public, people are dumb, I am James Cameron, a respected film director/writer, people will decide to love it before they've even seen it, thats the beauty of being me.

FRIEND OF CAMERON'S I never realised what a craftly bugger you were. Does this mean that the content of the film is completely unimportant.

JAMES CAMERON Not entirely! But this film will make big bucks. I know this for sure.

FRIEND OF CAMERON'S How can you be so sure?

JAMES CAMERON Let me explain.
(a) I made Aliens, True Lies, The Abyss, and the 2 Terminator films. People appreciate my work, many will come and love the film through loyalty to me alone - dance puppets dance, MMWWAA HHAAA HAAA HAAA!!!
(b) I have employed teen icon Leo to be the lead role, 12 year old girls will love it, they will watch it 5 or 6 times, pathetic I know, but it makes money.
(c) I have convinced the BBFC to make it a 12. A quick flash of young miss Winslett's breasts, and the prepubesant teen boys will come from all around for a quick peak.
(d) I had been chatting to all the big film studios and they all kept telling me no! Bastards! I however had a cunning plan, I told them I wanted to make T3 and they gave me billions. Now finally I can make my love story. With all this budget its got to be great, just look at Waterworld... ... ... or maybe something else.. .. .... .. . ah T2 that will do. Doh, they will never let me make T3 now, I have brought shame (and copious amounts of hard cash) to my good name.
Just you wait, if I smoke enough sausage I may even get an Oscar or two. Hah, who's laughing now.

FRIEND OF CAMERON'S You sly git!


Another possible scenario involves the capture of Cameron by an alien race obsessed with early films such as Aliens, Alien Nation, and The Abyss. They then replaced him with a colne from the planet Terriblofilmolia VI. Or Not! ;)
 

BAYLOR

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I nominate Titanic ;)

Yes , but it won the Oscar for best Picture. :D

In the movie Highlander series , only the first film was any good . The movie series steadily went down. The worst of the lot Highlander Endgame. Godawful and what worse is when they dong coming soon previews they used scones that weren't even included in the film which might have made it a marginal better film than it was.
 

BAYLOR

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Meteor 1979 had a stellar cast which included Sean Connery, Natalie Wood ,Brian Keith , Martin Landau . How could a film with such an impressive array of talent fail so miserably ? Simple, the story , script , direction, editing and pacing of the film stunk. If the people in charge of this film had actually done their job , this could have a been a terrific popcorn disaster flick. It had the actors , it had the story elements. it had the budget. but the people in charge didn't have a clue so, we ended up with inane , tediously boring and abysmal film that, quite frankly deserved to fail.
 

CupofJoe

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Meteor 1979 had a stellar cast which included Sean Connery, Natalie Wood ,Brian Keith , Martin Landau . How could a film with such an impressive array of talent fail so miserably ? Simple, the story , script , direction, editing and pacing of the film stunk. If the people in charge of this film had actually done their job , this could have a been a terrific popcorn disaster flick. It had the actors , it had the story elements. it had the budget. but the people in charge didn't have a clue so, we ended up with inane , tediously boring and abysmal film that, quite frankly deserved to fail.
As a child, this is the film that taught me the meaning of the word "hypothetically"...
 

MrH

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I have a few.

Avapixel.

Fury Road. I was waiting years and years and years for a new Mad Max film. Everything good about the trilogy was absent: Mel (however James Bond had a few leads, so forgivable). Not being filmed in Australia. CGI. Everything was real in the trilogy, less a corpses/bombed Sydney, of course. Actually they were still real, props and models. Crazy antics with a CG lizard lost me from the start. That leads us to dust (high in fat or low in fat, anybody?) CG dust in a Mad Max film? It's the realism, grit and grime of the trilogy that bring it to life. Then there are the endless posing and staged shots, who has time for that when someone is trying to run you over? They actually want to made another one?? Hope they just ignore the last abomination and make a proper fourth.

Jurassic worlds. JP looks so good visually. But the park seems very real, that's the point. They are already saying dinos are back and that's e nough to have to take in. JWs are just ridiculous, the park itself is over the top and unbelievable to begin with and the science advancements over the trilogy and the cyborg raptors. There is simply too many unreal things to try to believe and it just falls apart. JP only had dinos are back, and there you go.

Anything after Star Wars., Period, full stop, nothing else, end, finale, and its two original sequels. This ignorant thing of trying to make people believe Star Wars episode 4 a new hope was released in 1977 has got to stop. We are smarter than this. After all, what hopeless film studio would release the fourth in a nonexistent, unheard of, series as a self-contained film. None, certainly in this instance. I could go on all day anout this one.

Are all bad films big budget and usually sequels?
 

Vladd67

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I have a few.

Avapixel.

Fury Road. I was waiting years and years and years for a new Mad Max film. Everything good about the trilogy was absent: Mel (however James Bond had a few leads, so forgivable). Not being filmed in Australia. CGI. Everything was real in the trilogy, less a corpses/bombed Sydney, of course. Actually they were still real, props and models. Crazy antics with a CG lizard lost me from the start. That leads us to dust (high in fat or low in fat, anybody?) CG dust in a Mad Max film? It's the realism, grit and grime of the trilogy that bring it to life. Then there are the endless posing and staged shots, who has time for that when someone is trying to run you over? They actually want to made another one?? Hope they just ignore the last abomination and make a proper fourth.

Jurassic worlds. JP looks so good visually. But the park seems very real, that's the point. They are already saying dinos are back and that's e nough to have to take in. JWs are just ridiculous, the park itself is over the top and unbelievable to begin with and the science advancements over the trilogy and the cyborg raptors. There is simply too many unreal things to try to believe and it just falls apart. JP only had dinos are back, and there you go.

Anything after Star Wars., Period, full stop, nothing else, end, finale, and its two original sequels. This ignorant thing of trying to make people believe Star Wars episode 4 a new hope was released in 1977 has got to stop. We are smarter than this. After all, what hopeless film studio would release the fourth in a nonexistent, unheard of, series as a self-contained film. None, certainly in this instance. I could go on all day anout this one.

Are all bad films big budget and usually sequels?
Those of us around in 1977 remember Lucas saying he had planned three trilogies, and that he started with Star Wars as those were the best characters.
 

MrH

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Perhaps, but I believe many film makers do that.

Fact is, Star Wars was released as just that, Star Wars. They only altered the title after its release, around Empire, or at least once they knew Empire was happening.

The film that premiered in cinemas in 1977 and captured the worlds imagination was simply called Star Wars.

It's no accident the film is self contained, with only Darth getting away just in case a sequel could ever happen. It wasn't made as part of a series, or you would have an Empire style ending, ala The fellow ship of the ring.

George wasn't in full control of the film, so could think whatever he wanted, but had to please others. Empire onwards was another story entirely.
 

Vladd67

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Oh, Star Wars will always be Star Wars to me. A New Hope is just an ad man trying to build the brand by slapping Star Wars onto all the films.
 

MrH

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I remember when a TV station advertised episode 4 a new hope as "the film that started it all." I was on the phone in a flash.

About as bad as the time a TV guide trivia listed Optimus prime as the leader of the transformers!

Not properly informing the viewers (or even better not removing from broadcast) when they show CGI butchered "original" Star trek also boils my blood. If the Enterprise model is good enough for the air and space museum and to have a space shuttle named after it (as it was the model people were watching on TV and in many books), then it's certainly good enough for TV today.

A few thing that tick me off.

Back to Star wars, I do hope the original theatrical versions get a new release. Heck even just the current laserdisc scans. Perhaps as a pack with the other pre Phantom menace films. I found the Ewok films top notch and much better sequels (prequels, whatever) than EPs 1-3. As tatty as the new films are, they should bring back Cindel, she'd be around 50? Star wars time wise.
 

BAYLOR

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I remember when a TV station advertised episode 4 a new hope as "the film that started it all." I was on the phone in a flash.

About as bad as the time a TV guide trivia listed Optimus prime as the leader of the transformers!

Not properly informing the viewers (or even better not removing from broadcast) when they show CGI butchered "original" Star trek also boils my blood. If the Enterprise model is good enough for the air and space museum and to have a space shuttle named after it (as it was the model people were watching on TV and in many books), then it's certainly good enough for TV today.

A few thing that tick me off.

Back to Star wars, I do hope the original theatrical versions get a new release. Heck even just the current laserdisc scans. Perhaps as a pack with the other pre Phantom menace films. I found the Ewok films top notch and much better sequels (prequels, whatever) than EPs 1-3. As tatty as the new films are, they should bring back Cindel, she'd be around 50? Star wars time wise.

Have you ever seen the infamous Star Wars Holliday Special? It's horrendous but, it's become something of a cult classic. :D
 

MrH

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No, but certainly know of it. They could put that in the box too.
 

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