How It is Going to End. No, Seriously.

SeluciatheBosomy

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Jul 20, 2006
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1
Here's what's going to happen in the final book. Chalk it up now. I am a master of repetitive adjective, predictable foreshadowing, and general pulp fantasy schlock, hence the name. (C'mon! No one's mentioned that by now?)

1. Rand splits personalities with Lews Therin Telamon. Lews Therin dies ("You must die to live"). This is easy. Rand keeps going, maybe, just maybe burned out of the ability to channel. He probably lives happily ever after with Min. Elayne has his babies, they call it quits, she marries for the "good of Andor." Aviendha either dies or goes back to the Waste.

2. Lan and Nynaeve reconstitute Malkier and set off to re-found it in all its Buddhist glory. She has Lan's kids. They are muscular women with long braids, which Nynaeve uses to haul them around on her back.

3. Moiraine is saved from the Tower of Genji by Mat, Thom, and Jain Farstrider. (Yep, it's him.) Jain does something heroic to cleanse himself of being a darkfriend and saves Moiraine. (See: "The Great Hunt").

4. Egwene captures the White Tower. The Black Tower is discovered to be nearly completely tainted by Demandred (Yep, it's him: See end of "Fires of Heaven", then see end of Book 11: "Let the Lord of Chaos rule.") Rand destroys the Black Tower with the help of the remaining loyal Asha'man (stupid name). Demandred goes to the Shadow with his Hundred Companions to match Rand's remaining loyal ones. We might even get some numerical parity. Oh, did anyone notice Elaida is building a second Tower in Tar Valon? Wonder who's going to take over the bunk beds there?

5. Mat and Tuon discover they love each other. Mat gets his own spinoff on NBC, along with the Golden Ball for the "Series' Only Worthwhile Character"). Mat winds up leading the Seanchan armies. Rand and Mat get along fine (Perrin is bitchy. He thought he was invited too). Tuon discovers Seanchan in ashes, stays to rule SW Randland. Ghealdan only non-Seanchan overlord SW country.

6. Perrin gives over on Manetheren (RJ really really wanted to do it but the illness and the editor said no to book 14). He and Faile live happily ever after in the Two Rivers. Oh, and he leads hordes of wolves against hordes of Trollocs, feeling sorry they had to die the whole time. Elyas dies.

7. SE Randland winds up under the control of Elayne of Andor/Tar Valon, politics continue (See unwritten book 13, "Lace of Asses").

8. Aiel permanently dissolved into something else. Same fate for Ogier. Aiel probably come to live near Dragonmount. Ogier probably rethink Book of Translation after meeting Seanchan Ogier, who have no need of Stedding, then stop being such pansies. What did you think this was, science fiction?

9. Dark One ends up either banished to some other dimension a la Feist or back in the Dark One's Egg, hatching plans for Round Two.

10. Most Forsaken killed by balefire or each other. Lanfear/Cyndane (yep, it's her) gets donkey punched by Rand himself. He finally gets over his thing about killing women, but he still feels sorry, since she was kinda hot. Not Selucia the Bosomy hot, but still.

11. Kinswomen, Seamistresses, SeamSTRESSES, all of the ancillary book 7-11 characters introduced to no end, they all end up happily doing nothing in footnote passages. "The Kinswomen" becomes Aes Sedai retirement village, locates in Sunny Florida.

Who's left? Oh. Her.

12. Moiraine. The single most put-off character re-entry in the history of soap oper... fantasy literature. She re-enters, joins with Cadsuane, lots of cool stuff about old retired Amyrlins coming out of the woodwork (see: Innkeeper chillin' with Mat and Tuon). They do some neat stuff with Rand's split personality disorder, but ultimately nothing works until LTT gets his. Moiraine probably ends up pissed Siuan has married Gareth Byrne, rides off into sunset to annoy the shipwrecked dude in RJ's next novel, which will probably never be written. (Honest sympathy to RJ).

Chalk it up.
Selucia the Bosomy
 

Azra'el

Nutter Extraordinaire +
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Dec 28, 2006
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21
Well, I have to admit that I got a chuckle or two out of this.
 

Rosemary

The Wicked Sword Maiden
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Jun 14, 2005
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3,447
I'm not sure about how it will all end. Perhaps there will be be a twist or two toward the end, taking us all by surprise! :D

Have you ever thought of writing comedy script Seluciathe? I thought your 'post' was rther witty!;)
 

Revelation

Science fiction fantasy
Joined
Mar 5, 2007
Messages
54
Needs 70% more skirt smoothing and 85% more braid tugging.

Also needs the part where Perrin cuts off his balls out of love and gives them to Faile. She says something witty which he doesn't get.
 

Gothic_Angelica

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May 11, 2007
Messages
91
how?

A better answer is when? lol :) Seriously there's how many books now and no end to them? I'm not buying them til there is an ending lol
 

Tabasco

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Joined
May 18, 2007
Messages
66
How is WoT going to end?

Those of us in our 30's? When our social security runs out, we'll die of old age. That's how.

Come on RJ... you forgot to tell us if Perrin's overcoat is double stitched or single stitched.
 

Supersith

Active Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2007
Messages
25
How is WoT going to end?

Those of us in our 30's? When our social security runs out, we'll die of old age. That's how.

Come on RJ... you forgot to tell us if Perrin's overcoat is double stitched or single stitched.


One and a half stitched maybe?
 

suupaabaka

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Joined
May 11, 2007
Messages
117
How is The Wheel of Time going to end? Hopefully not with Jordan's family dressed in black, gathered in tears around a grave.

'cos if that happens, I'm going to kill him. :D
 

Tarl_Cabot

A warriors coin is steel
Joined
Feb 28, 2007
Messages
26
How is it going to end ?
Will it ever end ?
I am waiting for Tam to tell Rand he is not the Dragon Reborn, he is a very naughty boy!
 

Tarl_Cabot

A warriors coin is steel
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Feb 28, 2007
Messages
26
I cannot wait for the last book anymore so I have written it myself...........Nynaeve gets so angry she pulls her braid completly off, furious she throw it so hard and far, it gets stuck in the axel of the wheel of time. The wheel jams and stops turning. Nothing else happens.
The End.
 

EricD

Active Member
Joined
May 2, 2007
Messages
34
The end for each character:

Rand al'Thor: Due to his insane amount of luck, has a foursome with all three of his lovely ladies before the Last Battle, and then another after it. Lews Therin Telamon watches with glee. Eventually becomes the first ever King of Andor, with three Queens at his side. Master Gill of the Queen's Blessing was devestated.

Matrim Cauthon: Sacrifices his left eye to save the world... by throwing it at the Dark One in the Last Battle, momentarily distracting him to allow Rand to get all Ides of March on the Dark One's ass. Becomes known as Matrim One-Eye and eventually ascends to the throne of Seanchan.

Perrin Aybara: Loses his mind and spends the rest of his life running around with a wolfpack ala Elyas

Egwene al'Vere: Stabbed to death by Rand for a rampant amount of WoTism.

Nynaeve al'Meara: Eventually realised her secret lesbian desires for Moiraine. They retired to a life of hedonism and sapphic love in a small cabin in the woods of Andor

Moiraine Sedai: see above

al'Lan Mandragoran: Rebuilt Malkier, passed it on to his heir and then commited honourable Seppuku out of shame that his wife turned out to be a Sappho.

Elaida: Drawn, beheaded and quartered by the forces of the Dragon for being such a bitch

Elayne: Had much more sex with Rand, Min and Aviendha, then became Queen of Andor at Rand's side

Min: See above

Aviendha: See above

Shai'tan: Rand get's all Ides of March on his ass, then is left bleeding on the slopes of Shayol Ghul. The Creator comes down and makes him his bondage slave.
 

C Of K

Sunset colored eyes
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Jul 10, 2007
Messages
926
The ending is so obvious. Rand won't be able to take down the Black Tower alone, so Richard Cyph-- Rahl is going to open a can of whoop-ass out of pure need, when the beast of Chaos shows itself to be the Dark One.
 

DMFW

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Sep 6, 2007
Messages
11
I can't say exactly how it's going to end but just after finishing volume 11, I have been vouchsafed a glimpse of the future when by a lucky happenstance a worm hole to the year 2067 opened up and a copy of volume 38 "The Teaspoon of Indigestion" landed on my desk.

Seems like far from being the last volume, number 12 is going to open up a whole new raft of plot lines and a brand new cast of characters!

** Spoilers follow **

Apparently, according to a 500 page summary of the series so far at the start of the book (before the prologue proper which is another 500 pages), Tarmon Gai'don gets postponed when the remaining seals on the Dark One's prison are unexpectedly super glued back into place, thus allowing for a lot more character 'development' and the kind of detailed costume description which had been missing from the story in volumes 1 to 11.

Volumes 13 to 20 will for the most part move over to the continent of the Seanchan, where the succession of the Daughter of the Nine Moons will turn out to be not such a simple matter as it has appeared to be thus far. In fact a lot more intriguing is required before she can assume control and be reunited with Mat (think Elaine and Andor but at much greater length)
This will provide the series with a whole new continental map and a welcome opportunity to explore at leisure the history and culture of 10 brand new nations that form part of the Seanchan empire.

Meanwhile a shockingly revelation in volume 14 ("The Headache of Boredom") will reveal that Rand isn't the dragon reborn after all because it's still a generation too soon. The prophesies have been a mistake and in fact it will only be his children who will have to face the Dark One, not him. Phew! That means there is much more time to introduce new characters....

Several volumes between no. 17 "The Hairgrip of Destiny" and no. 24 "The Bootlaces of Doom" will concern themselves with the integration of the black and the white towers, including the infamous volume 23 where the whole corporal punishment & bondage theme will get completely out of hand resulting in not a single character without a spanked bottom....

Volumes 25 to 32 will go through every stage of the childhood and education of Rand's children and also the offspring of Mat and Tuon and Perin and Faile in laborious detail, providing them with a whole series of second generation adventures, more or less recapitulating everything that has happened so far.

Volumes 28 to 38 will be largely concerned with a lengthy quest to recover the "teaspoon of indigeston" a ter angreal to stop the wind that belches forth at the start of every volume. This will contain a number of shocking reverses just when it looks like the plot is advancing and will make the whole "bowl of the winds saga" look like a haiku.

I've no idea what's going to happen after that as unfortunately the worm hole didn't stretch far enough into the future to bring back the last volume....

Anyway, hope that hasn't ruined it all for you but I'm sure you'll be pleased to know there's so much to look forward too :)

Here's a very brief extract from the first chapter proper of "The Teaspoon of Indigestion":-

"...a wind had arisen from the back passages of dragon mount. It crossed Tar Valon and spread out over the countless cities and plains of the world, even crossing the Aryth Ocean and bringing with it the bad smell of something long past its 'sell by' date. Something with the taint of indigestion. Something rotting...."
 

C Of K

Sunset colored eyes
Joined
Jul 10, 2007
Messages
926
Loved all those titles RJ came up with...

This will contain a number of shocking reverses just when it looks like the plot is advancing and will make the whole "bowl of the winds saga" look like a haiku.
LOL
 

Elyas MACHERA

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May 7, 2015
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Wow.

Wonderfully prophetic.

How to trash a wonderful author when he was seriously ill. (Known at the time). And only ten days before his untimely death.:mad::((n):sick:

Not sure I'd have the nerve to do that even with people I detest.
 
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