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  1. Myra

    First Chapter Excert - Hopefully More Showing this Time...

    Thank you, it's really nice to hear that I am getting better. It gives me the will to go on. The advice of everyone on Chrons has been invaluable to me :) I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't joined :eek: I probably would have produced a book to make people cry in horror :D I am...
  2. Myra

    First Chapter Excert - Hopefully More Showing this Time...

    Hi Boneman, I don't for a minute think your advice is 'bull' as you put it, and I have read that thread. I know I rushed this piece, and I regretted putting it up as soon as I did. It's kind of the reason I haven't been on much, I've been taking the time to look through everything I have...
  3. Myra

    First Chapter Excert - Hopefully More Showing this Time...

    Hi, you're right, it is rather confusing :/ I didn't realise. I'll revise it. Thanks for pointing that out.
  4. Myra

    Probably a Silly Question, but...

    Thanks to all of you :) Your insight and advice has been very helpful and I will keep it all in mind. I think I'm just going to write the first draft (get it out of the way) and then go back and do the editing. That way I'll have a clearer idea of where I want my book to go :D Thanks again!
  5. Myra

    First Chapter Excert - Hopefully More Showing this Time...

    Hi, I have revised the excerpt again. I was aiming for more showing than telling and I hope this is better than the last :) Any comments are welcome! ****************** Did you think you could hide? Lily Riason shifted in her sleep, her hair sticking to her head from sweat, ‘No…please,’ she...
  6. Myra

    Chapter 1 Excerpt - Completely Revised

    Ah, gotcha ;) Cheers for clearing that up, I was a tad confused lol :) Thanks, Brian! :D
  7. Myra

    Chapter 1 Excerpt - Completely Revised

    Hi Springs, thanks for looking this over :) and thank you for the tips, they have been great, and yeah you made sense to me :D I will make a the few changes, make it more action than telling, maybe try and put a little more showing in there as well :) Thanks again!
  8. Myra

    Chapter 1 Excerpt - Completely Revised

    Hi Brian, thanks for looking over them (even if it was the first lines!) :) and thanks for your comments, I feel a little better about my writing knowing I'm getting better, even if only a little. You said the opening was very telling...is that bad? I have tried to show as well, just trying...
  9. Myra

    Chapter 1 Excerpt - Completely Revised

    Is this better? **************** Did you think you could hide, Lily? Lily Riason shifted in her sleep, her hair sticking to her head from sweat, ‘No…please,’ she mumbled, swinging her arms out, as if she was fighting an invisible force. Lily, the voice was louder now, echoing around her mind...
  10. Myra

    Chapter 1 Excerpt - Completely Revised

    Hi Boneman, thank you so much for this and I will definitely take it on board. I like the little part you did about Lily waking up from having a nightmare and that has sprung ideas to my mind :D Thanks again. Hi Judge, I wasn't aware that this was available, but I will use it from now...
  11. Myra

    Chapter 1 Excerpt - Completely Revised

    Hi Bowler, thank you for your comment. As you have mentioned this is literally an introductory piece followed by the dialogue piece I posted up the other day and then it gets a little more action which I'm working on now :) This was just to see if it flowed better than my original beginning...
  12. Myra

    Chapter 1 Excerpt - Completely Revised

    Hi ctg, thank you for your comment :) This is just the beginning of chapter 1, not the whole thing and I'm still working on it and this was more of an introduction and I do have some action after this which I'm working on :)
  13. Myra

    Chapter 1 Excerpt - Completely Revised

    Hi again. I changed the start of the first chapter and was just wondering if it is now better than my original beginning. It is a lot shorter as well. Please take a look and all comments are welcome :) *********** Lily Riason had never once considered herself to be a beautiful person, or...
  14. Myra

    Probably a Silly Question, but...

    Thank you Anne :) and nope I have just started writing my book haha. I probably should have thought of getting it all down and then going back before posting this. I will definitely have a look at your book! Thanks for the link, I'll check it out just now. Thanks again :D
  15. Myra

    Probably a Silly Question, but...

    Thanks Boneman :) I will take your advice to heart and yeah I'll check out that book by Patrick Rothfuss :)
  16. Myra

    Chapter 1 Excerpt

    Hi alchemist, yeah I thought that myself...it's too much and I could probably break it down into three paragraphs if I put my mind to it. I could start with the middle part, it's all dialogue really and there is showing and a little action after it. It is an SFF story so maybe I should try and...
  17. Myra

    Chapter 1 Excerpt

    Hi Sho Pi, thanks for this, I will make the changes you suggested and will read it back over to see if I can make it better.
  18. Myra

    Chapter 1 Excerpt

    Hi Chrispy, thanks for going through this for me. It has been really helpful :)
  19. Myra

    Probably a Silly Question, but...

    I can definitely relate to the 'too much too soon'! I have done that so many times myself haha! I can't even count the amount of times I have dipped my toe in the water far too deep :o This gives me something to really think about though so even if I do get rejection letters when I eventually...
  20. Myra

    Probably a Silly Question, but...

    Hi Triceratops, The only word that comes to mind after reading this was...WOW! This is probably the best piece of advice I have ever been given by anyone. I will definitely keep this in mind when writing my first few chapters and then the re-drafts later :) Thank you so much! :D
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