Fogged_Creation
Active Member
Hey!... So I have been practising a bit on my own, taking a few already done stories as inspiration and reference to make this saga, and after repeating certain events over and over, I think I'm getting a better hang at this writing deal.
Feel free to criticize me on this small little chapter! The only thing I think I notice myself being bad at is the pacing, though I'm not sure. How slow or quick should I pace certain moments/situations? And is it okay to repeat details that have been already said? And if there are other mistakes which I'm sure there are then feel free to add some on top of that too!
Anyways, thank you!
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There the knight's journey was lead to tread the swamps of Tama, his iron grip clutching the end of a woolly sack, hung at his back as his shoulder carries the weight of a supposedly dying egg which is contained within.
"Psh, when they gave me this egg, I was told to go all this way to someone who knows more on this particular subject, only for me to find the person, who was actually just some stupid botanist detective and all he does is pour some shitty protection wax on it and then telling me that I actually have to bring this to an animal handling professional! And best of all... The nearest one is just damn miles away! So here I am treading mud on my shiny boots just so that I can find this "professional" and apparently he can take care of this damn baby unlike me! Why am I so incapable of handling the task of keeping it alive anyway? Ridiculous this responsibility thing is I tell you!..." The knight continued to complain in heated frustration, all while keeping a hurried pace.
The moist air is lukewarm yet icky and uncomfortable, a surrounding of trees with sunken roots, forever feeding the growth of bark and fiber, leaves like vines expel creepily from branches, the ground is completely submerged in a pool of stale water and with it, the sight of an armored man, clutching at what seems to be a bag containing the baby dragon egg (Is it alright if I repeat this detail?) the choir of eager croaks covering up most of the knight's continued complaints. As his every step comes with hefty splashes, letting out his anger through his trot.
"Rrrreal riled up arrren't you?" The spiders voice echoed inside the knight's helmet, making him jump a bit in surprise, forgetting that she's still hiding in his helm
"Yes." the knight sighed, followed by a tired grunt
"Then let me tell you a story. The story of a man named Jarn, one who was the greatson of Barl."
"Jarn... You mean one of the three sons who went on an adventure around the world? Didn't you already tell me of Orm, the perspective of the first brother who had that same adventure together?" the knight asked, still interested in what the spider has to say
"Ahhh, so you were listening!..." the spider remarked, proud of the stubborn knight, being used to him often not listening to studies or history lessons, so she began to elaborate about the summary
"Yes indeed. Yet more interrresting is his perspective, as he considers himself the first brrrother too; a mindset that Orm also thought of himself as, implying the level of imporrrtance they saw in themselves. And in this story, albeit the same paths are taken, it still feels as if its an entirrrely different adventure when you see this one's point of view~!" the spider beamed, the sounds of passionate skitters helps ease the knight's nerve as he began to carefully listen to her expressive storytelling, effectively changing the conversation and calming his lengthy rage
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Feel free to criticize me on this small little chapter! The only thing I think I notice myself being bad at is the pacing, though I'm not sure. How slow or quick should I pace certain moments/situations? And is it okay to repeat details that have been already said? And if there are other mistakes which I'm sure there are then feel free to add some on top of that too!
Anyways, thank you!
-
There the knight's journey was lead to tread the swamps of Tama, his iron grip clutching the end of a woolly sack, hung at his back as his shoulder carries the weight of a supposedly dying egg which is contained within.
"Psh, when they gave me this egg, I was told to go all this way to someone who knows more on this particular subject, only for me to find the person, who was actually just some stupid botanist detective and all he does is pour some shitty protection wax on it and then telling me that I actually have to bring this to an animal handling professional! And best of all... The nearest one is just damn miles away! So here I am treading mud on my shiny boots just so that I can find this "professional" and apparently he can take care of this damn baby unlike me! Why am I so incapable of handling the task of keeping it alive anyway? Ridiculous this responsibility thing is I tell you!..." The knight continued to complain in heated frustration, all while keeping a hurried pace.
The moist air is lukewarm yet icky and uncomfortable, a surrounding of trees with sunken roots, forever feeding the growth of bark and fiber, leaves like vines expel creepily from branches, the ground is completely submerged in a pool of stale water and with it, the sight of an armored man, clutching at what seems to be a bag containing the baby dragon egg (Is it alright if I repeat this detail?) the choir of eager croaks covering up most of the knight's continued complaints. As his every step comes with hefty splashes, letting out his anger through his trot.
"Rrrreal riled up arrren't you?" The spiders voice echoed inside the knight's helmet, making him jump a bit in surprise, forgetting that she's still hiding in his helm
"Yes." the knight sighed, followed by a tired grunt
"Then let me tell you a story. The story of a man named Jarn, one who was the greatson of Barl."
"Jarn... You mean one of the three sons who went on an adventure around the world? Didn't you already tell me of Orm, the perspective of the first brother who had that same adventure together?" the knight asked, still interested in what the spider has to say
"Ahhh, so you were listening!..." the spider remarked, proud of the stubborn knight, being used to him often not listening to studies or history lessons, so she began to elaborate about the summary
"Yes indeed. Yet more interrresting is his perspective, as he considers himself the first brrrother too; a mindset that Orm also thought of himself as, implying the level of imporrrtance they saw in themselves. And in this story, albeit the same paths are taken, it still feels as if its an entirrrely different adventure when you see this one's point of view~!" the spider beamed, the sounds of passionate skitters helps ease the knight's nerve as he began to carefully listen to her expressive storytelling, effectively changing the conversation and calming his lengthy rage
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