SilentRoamer
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- May 5, 2015
- Messages
- 1,428
Hey Tony,
I don't normally do crits but I just wanted to add a different slant for you.
The 1368 part of the opening feels off to because anyone looking into the sky in 1368 wouldn't be thinking about Andromeda (M31 otherwise known as the Andromeda Galaxy wasn't labelled as such then). Likewise many of the Astronomical terms you have used weren't used in 1368 and from someone with an interest in Astronomy and Cosmology (by no means an expert) it immediately threw me out of the story. Likewise the idea of light pollution was largely unknown.
The reference to Betelgeuse brightness also throws me off as there are a number of brighter objects in the sky.
These are just my observations and I hope you find them helpful.
I don't normally do crits but I just wanted to add a different slant for you.
The 1368 part of the opening feels off to because anyone looking into the sky in 1368 wouldn't be thinking about Andromeda (M31 otherwise known as the Andromeda Galaxy wasn't labelled as such then). Likewise many of the Astronomical terms you have used weren't used in 1368 and from someone with an interest in Astronomy and Cosmology (by no means an expert) it immediately threw me out of the story. Likewise the idea of light pollution was largely unknown.
The reference to Betelgeuse brightness also throws me off as there are a number of brighter objects in the sky.
These are just my observations and I hope you find them helpful.