Martin Gill
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- Joined
- Oct 17, 2015
- Messages
- 407
I've posted the first few lines of this before. I hit the 80k word mark today so I though it was time for a longer crit.
Context - historical/mythical low fantasy. A mix of Norse and Finnish mythology blended with real world locations and characters - think History Channel's Vikings. I take liberal liberty with history.
Chapter 1: The Sea Gift
They huddled, drenched and desolate for three days and three nights while Grandfather Sky beat lightning from the broiling black thunderheads towering overhead. Rain lashed the rocky shore. Gales rent towering pines. All the while, they sheltered beneath their oilskins and shivered. No fire. No hot food. Hunger was their banquet. Winter’s-blade cut deep. And when the sky god finally blew his last ragged breath and laid down his hammer, dawn was breaking, pale and golden through the iron-grey clouds.
That’s when they found her. No storm-wrecked knarr, keel-broken and spewing treasure, nor a white-bellied whale carcass, beached and blubbery.
They found a girl.
Crooked Arin saw her first and set up a yelling while Reki stood knee deep in the foamy swell making sacrifice to the Fishgiver for their sodden lives after the whipping the storm had given them. A meagre offering in the hope that the sea would yield a bounty that morning. A mangy cormorant flapped in his oar-callused hands. He wrung its neck, bones cracking.
“Ahti take my offering.” His voice rung out over the lapping swell. He hurled the broken bird out into the bay. It splashed like a ragdoll and washed back to shore, rolling limp and wet-winged to tangle amongst the black smear of seaweed marking the ocean’s edge.
“An ill omen.” Hakkon the Godcaller stood at Reki’s side, his voice flat and blunt. “We should be off this beach before they come for us.”
“They’re no keener than us to brave the storm. We’ll be long gone before they come sniffing.” Reki laid a hand on the old man’s shoulder. “You worry too much.”
“And you don’t worry enough.”
“I told you to do it.” Reki shrugged and prodded the cormorant with the toe of his worn old sea boot. “You keep telling me you are closest to the gods.”
“And you keep telling me you are the captain.”
“We should have eaten the damn bird.” Reki’s empty stomach growled. Crooked Arin’s call banished sour thoughts of punching Hakkon. He looked up, cormorant forgotten, gazing down the sandy strip. The white beach ran a mile or more until a rocky headland severed it, jutting out into the crashing waves, hazy with ocean spray. To their left the forest grew almost down to the shore, great swaying pines buffeted by the breeze, tower-tall, their thick roots gnarling into the sandy topsoil. Nearby the storm had felled one, sending it crashing through its brothers to hurl clods of dark, wormy earth across the sand.
There, a bowshot or more up the beach, Crooked Arin stood gesturing wildly with his one good hand. He was shouting, but the wind whipped his words out to sea.
Reki shrugged and raised an eyebrow to Hakkon, who frowned as he scratched at his close-cropped hair, more grey now than brown. He wore the blue of the Godi, but Reki knew as well as Hakkon did that the Godi no longer called him one of their own. Not for years. Not since that day at Uppsala when Reki’s father had pulled his hide from a pyre and he’d taken Sindsro’s oath.
“What’s he saying, the old fool?” Reki strained to hear.
“Something about a girl, I think.” Una spoke, her young eyes spying more than Reki could at a distance. She was bright eyed and bouncing like a spring hare despite their lack of food and sleep. She started forwards, looking like she wanted to burst into a run. “He’s found a girl.”
“The last thing we need is Crooked Arin let alone with a girl.” Reki shook his head at the thought. “Let’s see who he’s found before he tries to stick his rancid old c**k in her.”
They set off up the beach, Reki with Una at his side, Hakkon trudging behind and Ruði the Steersman trailing silently at their tail, spear butt ploughing a shallow furrow in the sand as he dragged it behind him. Crooked Arin stood over the slumped body by the time they reached him, a toothy yellow grin smeared over his dirty face, langseax in hand now, its straight, heavy blade aglimmer in the wan morning sun. He crouched, reaching hesitantly with the weapon to prod at the prone figure. Most definitely a girl. She sprawled face down in the damp sand, sea foam kissing her bare feet.
“Careful,” said Reki. “She might be a Selkie.”
Crooked Arin staggered back, slipped and fell on his arse in the sand. He glared up at Reki, who sniggered back.
“She’s not a Selkie.” Hakkon shook his head with a faint look of despair.
“How can you be sure?” Crooked Arin furrowed his black brows, hawking phlegm into the sand, a ward against evil. He clutched at the bone-carved Mjolnir hanging at his throat.
“She’s wearing a kirtle. A Selkie would be naked.” Though in truth, Reki had never seen a Selkie before. He elbowed Ruði gently in the ribs. “Help her up, big lad.”
Ruði leant on his spear and bent towards her.
She sprang.
Context - historical/mythical low fantasy. A mix of Norse and Finnish mythology blended with real world locations and characters - think History Channel's Vikings. I take liberal liberty with history.
Chapter 1: The Sea Gift
They huddled, drenched and desolate for three days and three nights while Grandfather Sky beat lightning from the broiling black thunderheads towering overhead. Rain lashed the rocky shore. Gales rent towering pines. All the while, they sheltered beneath their oilskins and shivered. No fire. No hot food. Hunger was their banquet. Winter’s-blade cut deep. And when the sky god finally blew his last ragged breath and laid down his hammer, dawn was breaking, pale and golden through the iron-grey clouds.
That’s when they found her. No storm-wrecked knarr, keel-broken and spewing treasure, nor a white-bellied whale carcass, beached and blubbery.
They found a girl.
Crooked Arin saw her first and set up a yelling while Reki stood knee deep in the foamy swell making sacrifice to the Fishgiver for their sodden lives after the whipping the storm had given them. A meagre offering in the hope that the sea would yield a bounty that morning. A mangy cormorant flapped in his oar-callused hands. He wrung its neck, bones cracking.
“Ahti take my offering.” His voice rung out over the lapping swell. He hurled the broken bird out into the bay. It splashed like a ragdoll and washed back to shore, rolling limp and wet-winged to tangle amongst the black smear of seaweed marking the ocean’s edge.
“An ill omen.” Hakkon the Godcaller stood at Reki’s side, his voice flat and blunt. “We should be off this beach before they come for us.”
“They’re no keener than us to brave the storm. We’ll be long gone before they come sniffing.” Reki laid a hand on the old man’s shoulder. “You worry too much.”
“And you don’t worry enough.”
“I told you to do it.” Reki shrugged and prodded the cormorant with the toe of his worn old sea boot. “You keep telling me you are closest to the gods.”
“And you keep telling me you are the captain.”
“We should have eaten the damn bird.” Reki’s empty stomach growled. Crooked Arin’s call banished sour thoughts of punching Hakkon. He looked up, cormorant forgotten, gazing down the sandy strip. The white beach ran a mile or more until a rocky headland severed it, jutting out into the crashing waves, hazy with ocean spray. To their left the forest grew almost down to the shore, great swaying pines buffeted by the breeze, tower-tall, their thick roots gnarling into the sandy topsoil. Nearby the storm had felled one, sending it crashing through its brothers to hurl clods of dark, wormy earth across the sand.
There, a bowshot or more up the beach, Crooked Arin stood gesturing wildly with his one good hand. He was shouting, but the wind whipped his words out to sea.
Reki shrugged and raised an eyebrow to Hakkon, who frowned as he scratched at his close-cropped hair, more grey now than brown. He wore the blue of the Godi, but Reki knew as well as Hakkon did that the Godi no longer called him one of their own. Not for years. Not since that day at Uppsala when Reki’s father had pulled his hide from a pyre and he’d taken Sindsro’s oath.
“What’s he saying, the old fool?” Reki strained to hear.
“Something about a girl, I think.” Una spoke, her young eyes spying more than Reki could at a distance. She was bright eyed and bouncing like a spring hare despite their lack of food and sleep. She started forwards, looking like she wanted to burst into a run. “He’s found a girl.”
“The last thing we need is Crooked Arin let alone with a girl.” Reki shook his head at the thought. “Let’s see who he’s found before he tries to stick his rancid old c**k in her.”
They set off up the beach, Reki with Una at his side, Hakkon trudging behind and Ruði the Steersman trailing silently at their tail, spear butt ploughing a shallow furrow in the sand as he dragged it behind him. Crooked Arin stood over the slumped body by the time they reached him, a toothy yellow grin smeared over his dirty face, langseax in hand now, its straight, heavy blade aglimmer in the wan morning sun. He crouched, reaching hesitantly with the weapon to prod at the prone figure. Most definitely a girl. She sprawled face down in the damp sand, sea foam kissing her bare feet.
“Careful,” said Reki. “She might be a Selkie.”
Crooked Arin staggered back, slipped and fell on his arse in the sand. He glared up at Reki, who sniggered back.
“She’s not a Selkie.” Hakkon shook his head with a faint look of despair.
“How can you be sure?” Crooked Arin furrowed his black brows, hawking phlegm into the sand, a ward against evil. He clutched at the bone-carved Mjolnir hanging at his throat.
“She’s wearing a kirtle. A Selkie would be naked.” Though in truth, Reki had never seen a Selkie before. He elbowed Ruði gently in the ribs. “Help her up, big lad.”
Ruði leant on his spear and bent towards her.
She sprang.