The Quick Brown Fox: poem

Discussion in 'Critiques' started by terryweide, Aug 10, 2005.

  1.  
    terryweide

    terryweide Smarter Than I Look

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    Just posting a poem for the heck of it....



    THE QUICK BROWN FOX
    by Terry Weide

    The quick brown fox,
    Jumps over the lazy dogs.
    He leads them through a
    Valley of silver pines
    That shiver in the wind.
    He skips across fields of
    Green wheat and creeks of ice.
    The barks from the pack fade.
    Slowing, he lets the dogs
    Close,
    Then grins back--
    Sticking his tongue out.
    Circling them through
    Brown grass and stick tights,
    He comes from behind and
    Does it again.
    The quick brown fox
    Jumps over the lazy dogs.


  2.  
    Lacedaemonian

    Lacedaemonian A Plume of Smoke

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    Strange subject - awesome poem!
  3.  
    dreamwalker

    dreamwalker Starship Manufacturer

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    its even more interesting when you know that the first and last two lines have all the characters of te alphabet
  4.  
    terryweide

    terryweide Smarter Than I Look

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    Thanks, Lacedaemonian! Much appreciated. Read my reply to dreamwalker, and perhaps the strangeness of the subject will disappear.

    Best wishes, Terry :)
  5.  
    terryweide

    terryweide Smarter Than I Look

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    Hi, Dreamwalker,

    I imagine it does have all the letters of the alphabet in it. The quick brown fox is an old typing exercise that used to be taught in American junior high and high school office classes. I simply used that keyboarding exercise and turned into a free verse poem.

    Thanks again for the feedback, best wishes, Terry :)
  6.  
    Brys

    Brys New Member

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    Pretty interesting and original idea you've got there. I think the first half of the poem is a bit better than the second, though it's hard to say why.

    This doesn't work that well IMO:

    "He comes from behind and
    Does it again. "

  7.  
    terryweide

    terryweide Smarter Than I Look

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    Hey, Brys,

    I appreciate the feedback. If I ever rewrite this piece, I will keep your comments in mind.

    Best wishes and good luck with your own writing, Terry Weide
  8.  
    dwndrgn

    dwndrgn Fierce Vowelless One Staff Member

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    What a fun poem! I like the fact that this silly phrase we used to have to type over and over was used as a starting point. I also like the image of the snobby hunters being laughed at and run circles around by the fox! Good stuff.
  9.  
    SDNess

    SDNess New Member

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    Perhaps losing the caps at the beginning of each line for easier reading?

    The quick brown fox,
    jumps over the lazy dogs.
    He leads them through a
    valley of silver pines
    that shiver in the wind.
    He skips across fields of
    green wheat and creeks of ice.
    The barks from the pack fade.
    Slowing, he lets the dogs
    close,
    then grins back--
    sticking his tongue out.
    circling them through
    brown grass and stick tights,
    he comes from behind and
    does it again.
    The quick brown fox
    jumps over the lazy dogs.
  10.  
    terryweide

    terryweide Smarter Than I Look

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    Aug 9, 2005
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    Dwndrgn, thanks for the kind words concerning my humble poetry. Much appreciated.

    SDNess, I appreciate the feedback. When I was writing this one, I did play with the capitalization. To me, it looks better stylistically to begin each line with caps, which why I went with them. I may, however, take your advice at some point and go for grammatical correctness instead of style on a rewrite.

    Thanks again to both of you for the responses. Sorry it took me a few days to reply, but I was reading other threads. Best wishes, Terry :)
  11.  
    SDNess

    SDNess New Member

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    Interesting. I've always felt it looks nicer with the "correct punctuation," but to each his own.

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