Any ideas on what should happen next?

[Timben]

I’m writing to you because I’m stuck on the Army Western story. I have 95 more pages to go. I've just about run out of ideas. This is what I’ve written so far:
Suddenly five Winchesters poked out of the widows. Paco began laughing. Paco turned to his fellow companeros and spoke again in Spanish, and began laughing again. Major Tanner wasn't pleased with them laughing. Then he began to laugh at himself. Suddenly, Paco went for his pistol, but Major Tanner was quicker on the draw. He pulled his pistol and fired, killing Paco and two other bandits. They fell backward from their horses dead. Major Tanner ran back inside just as his men fired at the bandits. Slaying them left and right. The sisters and Father He Ling and Lucius got down and crawled to safety. The bandits began circling the old mission, trying to get inside. Sergeant Connor and Titus both took off going after them.
"Didn't we leave this party?" asked Titus, firing his pistol at the bandits.
"Yeah, only they were Injuns," said Sergeant Connor.

 

[tinkerdan]

This is a bit of strange question.
Like when they slow motion one of those insurance commercials and the slowly show you what happened; but this time they ask you what do you think should happen next. Of course for the commercial it might work to where they immediately pull away and don't show you and then say something like--"[insert insurance company name] for what really does happen next."

Anyway back to the OP(which might be better placed in writing discussion).

First
I'm confused.

Suddenly five Winchesters poked out of the widows.

I am assuming you mean windows-though there could be five widows out there who just pulled Winchesters from under their skirts. Yes,. yes, that should happen next.
Seriously I think there is a mission building here with now five Winchesters sticking out the windows(though nowhere explaining if there are five warm bodies with those). I am assuming Major Tanner is outside the mission(maybe)though it could be another building and his men are the ones holding the Winchesters.[Just a thought, how far does a Winchester have to be out the window to be recognized as a Winchester?](This might depend on who is recognizing them).

The Major shoots two men and Paco and somehow escapes. Perhaps.
'

They fell backward from their horses dead. Major Tanner ran back inside just as his men fired at the bandits.

this should read: Major Tanner was back inside before they hit the ground and could hear his men firing at the bandits.

now this:

The sisters and Father He Ling and Lucius got down and crawled to safety. The bandits began circling the old mission, trying to get inside. Sergeant Connor and Titus both took off going after them.

Now this is somewhat confusing.
Assuming that the sisters and the father are in the mission and the major and his five Winchesters are also there and the bandits are circling.

Where exactly are Sergeant Conner and Titus and who are they. Are the two of the five or are they extras. For that matter are they in the mission at all. Just what is their relationship here.
since this:

Sergeant Connor and Titus both took off going after them.

directly follows this:

The bandits began circling the old mission, trying to get inside.

I assume they took after the bandits and if they were in the mission they would have to somehow get out to go after them.

However if they are in the mission then by some convoluted grammar they might be following the sisters and the father for some reason. Why? and once again are they part of the five--because if so they are leaving their post in the midst of a battle.

and

"Didn't we leave this party?" asked Titus, firing his pistol at the bandits.
"Yeah, only they were Injuns," said Sergeant Connor.

don't get me started on this.
Does this translate to?:
Didn't we already do this.
Well, sorta; but there were injuns then.

See why this doesn't quite work in critique.

However, in writing discussion I won't be much help--even if I understand this bit--until I have greater context and possibly even some bit of outline to where you are trying to take the story.

The best I can give is that: next, a whole lot of people will die. Unless the loss of Paco takes some of the fight out of the bandits and the eventually retreat.

 

[Logan Selmes]

If I understand right, the bandits are circling a sealed up mission while a bunch of revolvers and Winchester rifles and are shooting at them from the mission's windows. Then two people leave the mission to chase the bandits while they're circling on horseback.

Paco is the only named villain and he already dies fairly early on here. Does his boss / another important villain factor in the story?

 

[The Judge]

Thread now moved to Writing Discussion.

 

[KiraAnn]

You are the only one who can determine where you want your story to go.

I would point out some factual errors, however.

1. Military side-arm holsters post civil war had flap-overs which are not conducive to quick draws.
2. The US Army did not use Winchesters. Cavalry used Spencer carbines while Infantry used Springfield rifles (very long and heavy).
3. Usually, enlisted men in Infantry did not have side-arms. Cavalry would, and NCOs in Artillery would, but not usually Infantry.

 

[Timben]

You are the only one who can determine where you want your story to go.

I would point out some factual errors, however.

1. Military side-arm holsters post civil war had flap-overs which are not conducive to quick draws.
2. The US Army did not use Winchesters. Cavalry used Spencer carbines while Infantry used Springfield rifles (very long and heavy).
3. Usually, enlisted men in Infantry did not have side-arms. Cavalry would, and NCOs in Artillery would, but not usually Infantry.

Even though the story takes place in 1862. I wanted the men to be dressed in civilian clothes. I should have been clearer. I am sorry.

 

[Timben]

If I understand right, the bandits are circling a sealed up mission while a bunch of revolvers and Winchester rifles and are shooting at them from the mission's windows. Then two people leave the mission to chase the bandits while they're circling on horseback.

Paco is the only named villain and he already dies fairly early on here. Does his boss / another important villain factor in the story?

The men battle the French lancers later on in the story. So they aren't a factor, they were just thrown in.

 

[KiraAnn]

Even though the story takes place in 1862. I wanted the men to be dressed in civilian clothes. I should have been clearer. I am sorry.

Then, Winchesters are definitely out - the first repeater by Winchester was the 'Henry" model in 1866.

 

[Christine Wheelwright]

Then, Winchesters are definitely out - the first repeater by Winchester was the 'Henry" model in 1866.

Interesting. I read an account of Little Bighorn (1876) a while back. As far as I recall, horses were a means of transportation for the 'cavalry' but they wouldn't fight on horseback. They would dismount and form a line. One man in four would then have to hold the horses, immediately depleting their fire power by 25%. The Winchester would have been a much less powerful weapon than the cavalry's carbines (?), but it could be fired from horseback, and the Native Americans had them. Also, the carbines proved unreliable.

 

[Swank]

This seems like the perfect moment for Major Tanner to reveal she's a woman, and confess her feelings for Paco.


You're welcome.