I have been trying to finish this 17k short for weeks. I don't usually have too much trouble with endings, just with good endings. This one has been giving me a lot of trouble. I was so desperate I asked for help from the family, which I never do.
Initially I asked my bloodthirsty 16 year old son for inspiration and he said to kill off a few heroes to shock the reader, so I did; but then my teenage daughter said she was shocked I could bring myself to kill off a child which made me feel slightly ashamed, and then the third child chipped in with a suggestion that I could always resuscitate one of my heroes since I was using magic anyway, so I did!
As a result this feels like a horse designed by a committee, or possibly Frankenstein's monster out of control, and I'm not that happy with it. So have it it, people, with your scythes and pitchforks and tell me where I can improve it!
#
Servants bustled around bringing wine and food for the party and conversation was muted. With the servants in the room no one would talk much anyway, but Laenia's exhaustion meant she felt unable to contribute to the chatter. She wished she could curl up and sleep like Thalia.
Laenia found Seraphus' presence disturbing - even though Doge appeared to have him totally under control, she found it hard to forget him forcing his way into her mind so recently. She wondered why the luxurious room felt so cold.
She saw the precise moment when the Mage's face reanimated. Seraphus blinked and shook his head as though waking from a dream. Laenia tried to move, to protest, but she found her muscles refused to obey her. When she tried to cry out all she managed was a groan. Something hit the floor with a wet flump and rolled a short way before rocking gently to a stop.
In a nightmare she realised Doge's startled eyes stared at her from the floor. A moment later his body toppled to the ground and bright red arterial blood pumped in a spray across the room, covering the princess in crimson droplets.
Seraphus raised his hand to his head and groaned, staggering. From behind him, Fruslo stepped out, bending to wipe the blood from his sabre on Doge's cloak. A tear trickled down Laenia's cheek, coming to rest at the corner of her mouth, a salty reminder that this was all real, not a terrible dream.
Damas had risen to his feet, face white with shock.
"Fruslo! What the...?"
Seraphus pointed at the king and a bolt struck him in the chest, sending him flying backwards to lie unmoving against the wall, eyes open. Another movement caught Laenia's eye and she realised Drax was sitting up, fully awake. He rubbed his chest, and looked down at the burned area, confused, then saw his brother on the ground and he smiled. The hairs stood up on Laenia's neck.
Fruslo stepped over to Drax and dropped to one knee. Head bowed he presented his sword across both hands.
"My liege," he said and the fervour in his voice chilled Laenia even more.
She had believed him to be her friend. They had been companions in arms most of their lives and she had never suspected him to be a supporter of Damas' brother. A cold hand squeezed her heart. Doge had been like a father to her; Damas, more than just her king; and the little princess, her face grubby again, covered in dust - Laenia had become fond of the child. Thalia's face was an unhealthy grey and her chest barely moved. Whatever had been in the water canteen had immobilised Laenia, but it could be enough to kill a child.
Drax stood up, Fruslo's sword in his hand. With a slow smile, he looked around him. Laenia felt her breathing becoming shallow, a buzzing in her ears warning her she wouldn't remain conscious for long. As she drifted away she heard Drax ask something quietly and Fruslo answering. She tried to make herself concentrate, knowing it was important. Fruslo was speaking.
"...she'll be gone soon," he said. "It's slow acting poison, but they both drank enough."
Drax shouted. "You fool! You're telling me you've killed them?"
Laenia fought the drug, trying to stay awake. Sight had gone now; she floated in a cloud of darkness, the air she breathed seemed thin and not enough to keep her alive. Someone lifted her and propped her shoulders up. A bitter liquid was forced between her lips - but swallowing felt too much like hard work.
Drax's voice spoke softly in her ear.
"Hold on, Laenia," he said, his voice raw with emotion. "I never meant you to die. There is a future for us, ruling side by side"
He sounded a long way away and the room had become so cold. There was something she had seen that nagged away at her consciousness; something important; something to do with the body lying bleeding into the carpet. Laenia rolled her eyes towards Doge and a surge of hope rose in her as she realised the corpse wore a tattoo on the inside of the forearm: a flaming staff inside a triangle, the symbol of a graduate of the College of Lurdis.
Seraphus was bending over Thalia, his hand on her shoulder, and as Laenia watched her eyes sprang open. No one else seemed to have noticed and she wondered if she had imagined it as a moment later they were closed again and the princess hadn't moved. There seemed to be a little more colour in her cheeks though.
Fruslo was defending himself over his use of poison, and Drax answered angrily. Laenia wondered how it was that she had never noticed the whining edge to Fruslo's voice before now.
"Let me look at her, Sire," Seraphus said. "Perhaps there is something I can do to slow down the poison in her body."
"You're not a healer," Drax snapped. "Killing is more your style."
"Nevertheless, I think I should take a look, my King."
Drax backed up a little and the Mage bent over her. When his hand gripped her shoulder she felt the wonderful flow of magic passing through her body, flushing the toxins away before it and leaving her refreshed and renewed. She looked up into the cold grey eyes of her enemy. One eye gave her a slow wink before he turned away. Laenia closed her own eyes to disguise the joy she knew must be there.
A moment later a clatter and a thump made her open them again. She turned her head to see Fruslo lying on the ground, unconscious and Damas sitting up, rubbing his chest indignantly.
"Did you have to be so realistic?" He asked and Laenia saw Seraphus' stern features relax into the most incongruous expression she had ever seen on his face: a grin.
Drax stood in the middle of the room, looking from one to the other, completely confused. Damas stood up and walked up to his brother, looking him in the eye.
"You stand accused of treachery, my brother," he said mildly.
Drax blustered and argued.
"None of this was my idea - it was all Seraphus..." He tailed off as he stared at the Mage. Laenia sat up to see better as Seraphus' face seemed to blur and move, as though it were a reflection in a pool and someone had thrown a pebble in to disturb the water. Where he had stood there now stood Doge, looking exhausted and drowned by the long, heavy robes of the much taller, stouter man he'd been impersonating.
"Fruslo," Drax said, desperately. "It was Fruslo's plan. And Banba's" he seemed to realise he was the only one talking and at last had the sense to stop.
"What's going on?" Thalia asked, yawning, and sitting up as though she'd just woken from a deep sleep.
"I'd like to know the answer to that question too," Laenia said. "I take it you two hatched this plan right at the beginning?"
Doge and Damas both had the grace to look a little embarrassed. Damas came over and sat next to her, taking her hand in his.
"I suspected Fruslo, but had no proof," he said. "Once you two turned up with your ridiculous, lunatic plan, I saw a chance to test my theory." He glanced across at Fruslo's unconscious form. "It looks as though I was right."
He turned to his brother.
"Drax, I have no wish to see you hang for your crimes, but I cannot leave you here to plot again. You are hereby exiled for life and I will fasten your crimes on Fruslo and Banba. Seraphus has already paid the ultimate price for his treachery," he raised his hand to Stop the protest. "Go, before I change my mind."
After a moment, Drax seemed to realise he had been given a reprieve and walked to the door, face pale, his steps not quite steady. When he left the room, that was the last Laenia saw of him.
Damas put his arm around Laenia and pulled her to him, Thalia to giggle.
"We have five years of catching up to do," he said, smiling down at her. She relaxed into his embrace and tilted her face up for a kiss. Home at last.
Initially I asked my bloodthirsty 16 year old son for inspiration and he said to kill off a few heroes to shock the reader, so I did; but then my teenage daughter said she was shocked I could bring myself to kill off a child which made me feel slightly ashamed, and then the third child chipped in with a suggestion that I could always resuscitate one of my heroes since I was using magic anyway, so I did!
As a result this feels like a horse designed by a committee, or possibly Frankenstein's monster out of control, and I'm not that happy with it. So have it it, people, with your scythes and pitchforks and tell me where I can improve it!
#
Servants bustled around bringing wine and food for the party and conversation was muted. With the servants in the room no one would talk much anyway, but Laenia's exhaustion meant she felt unable to contribute to the chatter. She wished she could curl up and sleep like Thalia.
Laenia found Seraphus' presence disturbing - even though Doge appeared to have him totally under control, she found it hard to forget him forcing his way into her mind so recently. She wondered why the luxurious room felt so cold.
She saw the precise moment when the Mage's face reanimated. Seraphus blinked and shook his head as though waking from a dream. Laenia tried to move, to protest, but she found her muscles refused to obey her. When she tried to cry out all she managed was a groan. Something hit the floor with a wet flump and rolled a short way before rocking gently to a stop.
In a nightmare she realised Doge's startled eyes stared at her from the floor. A moment later his body toppled to the ground and bright red arterial blood pumped in a spray across the room, covering the princess in crimson droplets.
Seraphus raised his hand to his head and groaned, staggering. From behind him, Fruslo stepped out, bending to wipe the blood from his sabre on Doge's cloak. A tear trickled down Laenia's cheek, coming to rest at the corner of her mouth, a salty reminder that this was all real, not a terrible dream.
Damas had risen to his feet, face white with shock.
"Fruslo! What the...?"
Seraphus pointed at the king and a bolt struck him in the chest, sending him flying backwards to lie unmoving against the wall, eyes open. Another movement caught Laenia's eye and she realised Drax was sitting up, fully awake. He rubbed his chest, and looked down at the burned area, confused, then saw his brother on the ground and he smiled. The hairs stood up on Laenia's neck.
Fruslo stepped over to Drax and dropped to one knee. Head bowed he presented his sword across both hands.
"My liege," he said and the fervour in his voice chilled Laenia even more.
She had believed him to be her friend. They had been companions in arms most of their lives and she had never suspected him to be a supporter of Damas' brother. A cold hand squeezed her heart. Doge had been like a father to her; Damas, more than just her king; and the little princess, her face grubby again, covered in dust - Laenia had become fond of the child. Thalia's face was an unhealthy grey and her chest barely moved. Whatever had been in the water canteen had immobilised Laenia, but it could be enough to kill a child.
Drax stood up, Fruslo's sword in his hand. With a slow smile, he looked around him. Laenia felt her breathing becoming shallow, a buzzing in her ears warning her she wouldn't remain conscious for long. As she drifted away she heard Drax ask something quietly and Fruslo answering. She tried to make herself concentrate, knowing it was important. Fruslo was speaking.
"...she'll be gone soon," he said. "It's slow acting poison, but they both drank enough."
Drax shouted. "You fool! You're telling me you've killed them?"
Laenia fought the drug, trying to stay awake. Sight had gone now; she floated in a cloud of darkness, the air she breathed seemed thin and not enough to keep her alive. Someone lifted her and propped her shoulders up. A bitter liquid was forced between her lips - but swallowing felt too much like hard work.
Drax's voice spoke softly in her ear.
"Hold on, Laenia," he said, his voice raw with emotion. "I never meant you to die. There is a future for us, ruling side by side"
He sounded a long way away and the room had become so cold. There was something she had seen that nagged away at her consciousness; something important; something to do with the body lying bleeding into the carpet. Laenia rolled her eyes towards Doge and a surge of hope rose in her as she realised the corpse wore a tattoo on the inside of the forearm: a flaming staff inside a triangle, the symbol of a graduate of the College of Lurdis.
Seraphus was bending over Thalia, his hand on her shoulder, and as Laenia watched her eyes sprang open. No one else seemed to have noticed and she wondered if she had imagined it as a moment later they were closed again and the princess hadn't moved. There seemed to be a little more colour in her cheeks though.
Fruslo was defending himself over his use of poison, and Drax answered angrily. Laenia wondered how it was that she had never noticed the whining edge to Fruslo's voice before now.
"Let me look at her, Sire," Seraphus said. "Perhaps there is something I can do to slow down the poison in her body."
"You're not a healer," Drax snapped. "Killing is more your style."
"Nevertheless, I think I should take a look, my King."
Drax backed up a little and the Mage bent over her. When his hand gripped her shoulder she felt the wonderful flow of magic passing through her body, flushing the toxins away before it and leaving her refreshed and renewed. She looked up into the cold grey eyes of her enemy. One eye gave her a slow wink before he turned away. Laenia closed her own eyes to disguise the joy she knew must be there.
A moment later a clatter and a thump made her open them again. She turned her head to see Fruslo lying on the ground, unconscious and Damas sitting up, rubbing his chest indignantly.
"Did you have to be so realistic?" He asked and Laenia saw Seraphus' stern features relax into the most incongruous expression she had ever seen on his face: a grin.
Drax stood in the middle of the room, looking from one to the other, completely confused. Damas stood up and walked up to his brother, looking him in the eye.
"You stand accused of treachery, my brother," he said mildly.
Drax blustered and argued.
"None of this was my idea - it was all Seraphus..." He tailed off as he stared at the Mage. Laenia sat up to see better as Seraphus' face seemed to blur and move, as though it were a reflection in a pool and someone had thrown a pebble in to disturb the water. Where he had stood there now stood Doge, looking exhausted and drowned by the long, heavy robes of the much taller, stouter man he'd been impersonating.
"Fruslo," Drax said, desperately. "It was Fruslo's plan. And Banba's" he seemed to realise he was the only one talking and at last had the sense to stop.
"What's going on?" Thalia asked, yawning, and sitting up as though she'd just woken from a deep sleep.
"I'd like to know the answer to that question too," Laenia said. "I take it you two hatched this plan right at the beginning?"
Doge and Damas both had the grace to look a little embarrassed. Damas came over and sat next to her, taking her hand in his.
"I suspected Fruslo, but had no proof," he said. "Once you two turned up with your ridiculous, lunatic plan, I saw a chance to test my theory." He glanced across at Fruslo's unconscious form. "It looks as though I was right."
He turned to his brother.
"Drax, I have no wish to see you hang for your crimes, but I cannot leave you here to plot again. You are hereby exiled for life and I will fasten your crimes on Fruslo and Banba. Seraphus has already paid the ultimate price for his treachery," he raised his hand to Stop the protest. "Go, before I change my mind."
After a moment, Drax seemed to realise he had been given a reprieve and walked to the door, face pale, his steps not quite steady. When he left the room, that was the last Laenia saw of him.
Damas put his arm around Laenia and pulled her to him, Thalia to giggle.
"We have five years of catching up to do," he said, smiling down at her. She relaxed into his embrace and tilted her face up for a kiss. Home at last.
