Of a modern major general…

chrispenycate

resident pedantissimo
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I've information animal and vegetable and mineral.

Oh, yes, I've information aplenty - perchance an excess. I have an adequate vocabulary, considerable knowledge of how to attach words together (even if I do show a tendency to use too many of them per sentence), I have been informed by non-family members I have a sense of humour (never trust your nearest and dearest's judgement on this, any more than on the quality of your writing or your own judgement on either), and I bow to no man in my mastery of punctuation. And I can grab an idea by the scruff of its neck and drag it where no idea has ever visited, unimaginable to its perpetrator. I've even acquired a certain about rhythm, and its use.

All in all, having been decided to write by this place, (yes, passive. But a very dynamic passive) I should be producing masterpieces practically immediately.

No. It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing.

What I can't seem to get is an interesting (to others) and dynamic story. Strange, in that when I read stories to small people and my version deviates a little – well, quite a lot actually – from what comes out of other adults reading the same book, the story reflects off the faces listening to me, and intensifies. When I'm writing for myself I want all the details to be clear, all eyes crossed and teas dotted. And that weakens the flow, dilutes the plot; and the story is the heart of everything.

Oh, I'm no as desperate as some here to get published; I know how bad I am at selling myself (or anything else, for that matter) so if I'm not certain my work is ready it's not worth my putting it up; just annoys potential future contacts.
 
There's nothing wrong in putting something up for Critique - lord knows you've helped enough people and have earned the respect of many here. I doubt you could annoy people with that. :)

Ideas? Well, from what I've learned so far with writing, it's rarely the ideas as much as the presentation that's the issue. It's easy to approach writing with grand ideas, but if they are poorly expressed then the ideas will not easily come through, no matter what they are.

Does that helps at all?
 
Post for crit. I wouldn't dare take you on with SPaG but my writing has improved over the years because of your input. Maybe some of us can return the favour.

Two things I find help:

That niggling little question "How Can I Make This Worse?" Turn on your inner three year old and keep asking who, when, where, why, how, but really, are you sure?

And I have an image of Lot's Wife on my wall. If you look back whilst writing you'll turn into a pillar of salt.
 
I shouldn't be posting, but since I've just Skyped my aunt (yaaaay! She's now on Skype!!!!! Maybe her speaking to everyone will help her somehow; she certainly was happy to see me.), I made the mistake of lurking on here afterwards... :D

Hey, have you noticed how this place makes you go parentheses-crazy? I think I got that from you, oh robin-liker. :D

So, I remember your posts in Critiques years ago. Not sure too many others will, though, since there are so many new faces. Perhaps follow their advice and post up? They will be honest, since constructive honesty is the only kind that gets you anywhere.

As for me, the only thing I can suggest is... what books to you enjoy? What books have you read that leave you breathless with awe, shocked at events, that have characters you didn't want to leave because they became friends? Think about what moments inspire these kinds of feelings, because they're the moments you should aspire for (the more the better). And people seem to want a faster pace (gah! My weakness), which means removing loads of detail unless it's absolutely necessary or uniquely memorable. However, some genres (epic!) can get away with more detail because it's immersive (as long as it's interesting and doesn't leave readers being like, "So what? I read/see/watch that every day". Make something unique and imaginative that's fun, humorous, touching, sad, wacky, awing, nail-biting, etc. - how could a reader want to put a book down if it takes them on a rollercoaster of emotion all from the comfort of their seat, especially if they've got friends (characters) along for the ride?

That, to me, is what writing is all about. Evoking emotion**. Once you've got the core of that there, you can trim the fat and bring out good parts and up the conflict and tension to keep readers hooked more. Find characters with good stories to tell, and let their wonder guide your writing so readers feel it, too; if your character feels amazed and it's written effectively, readers will feel it, too, and not just as an echo. The best readers even cease to exist as they read. They are the character. I want to write for them and take them on a journey they'll never forget.

Easier said than done, I know. (Can't find the right smiley to convey this emotion. Happy? Sad? Rolleyes?)



**That said, if you're a person who struggles with displaying emotion, that's something you're gonna struggle with in your writing, too, as a friend of mind knows. I don't think you suffer from this, Chrispy, from what I know of you.


Edit: Another thought - perhaps you're too overly analytical in your approach to writing? Maybe you need to let your wild side be... wilder... and let your imagination wander and ignore your sentence-level pedantesque self? (Or maybe you do. I don't know.) I've been there, and my story's certainly better without that baggage.
 
I don't get what the question is.

Anyway, I've read your stuff and can't see what the problem is! Central Casting's good. And the Starmaid. And Rumpelstiltz.
 
What I read of your Aliens Over Geneva story was pretty good too. Just up my SF street.
 
and I bow to no man in my mastery of punctuation.



Many of us bow to you, says Bowler1, dusting off his knees (servile bowing, none of this from the hip stuff for my GOD - The Great Chrispy).


You've posted in Crits before with a cool robot zipping about that had a great voice. Another about food in zero G, that was cool too. Doubts are allowed, even by near immortals.


But... if you want a Crit (cracking knuckles with a very silly smile on my face) we'll all be very happy to help. :cool: You've earned them by return and then some.
 
We have a saying in my day job: Paralysis by Analysis.

I am impressed with your knowledge and deductive ability over a wide range of topics, not to mention your grammatical swordmanship. If you have a story to tell, just get it down... once thats done, then the 'eyes crossed and teas dotted' can come later?
 
>What I can't seem to get is an interesting (to others) and dynamic story.

How do you know? Have you submitted stories for publication? Submitted to critique circles?

>Strange, in that when I read stories to small people and my version deviates a little – well, quite a lot actually – from what comes out of other adults reading the same book, the story reflects off the faces listening to me, and intensifies.

I'm not sure what this means. You read aloud to children? You read your works to little people? You're reading other people's works, but so are other adults? I'm confused.

>When I'm writing for myself I want all the details to be clear, all eyes crossed and teas dotted. And that weakens the flow, dilutes the plot; and the story is the heart of everything.

Again, how do you know? Of course you want all the details to be clear; the story has to make sense to you before it can make sense to anyone else. Don't back down on that! But how do you know clarity dilutes plot? Seems to me it creates plot. I'm confused here too because I think of story, plot and flow as three separate, though related, aspects of a written work.

I guess the main thing is: don't assume it's not working until you've had experienced writers tell you it ain't working. Most times, they'll be able to tell you specifically, rather than generally, why it ain't working.
 
chrispy? two things. first off; the only thing that i think of when i read your stories is 'more'. as in they should be longer. and i am picky as all get out.

i don't even like some things you guys rave about. while i can take apart any story and see what makes it tick and determine if its good or ill wrought; if its not buttoned up tight, is stolen goods, doesn't have the story to it or boasts plot holes hannibal could parade through, it just leaves me flat.

but your stories are always interesting to me. that means they are unique in substance and well crafted both. all you need is, well... more.

secondly; third word last paragraph - its missing the apostrophe.

you definitely need feedback, though.
why don't you sub to gary, chrispy? you've a bunch of stuff that would fit (that way if anything is wrong with them jeff will soon tell you :D )

be brave, oh chrispy one. sub to gary or post for crit. either way we shall have the hot coals waiting. :D:);)
 
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Chrispenycate, your style of writing is unique, just reading your welcome made me smile and think 'now there's a guy who has a style all his own'. Eccentric a little maybe? Fussy about grammar certainly and interesting - definitely.

As people have said above me, be brave, write what you want, for yourself, the way you want. People will read it. I fond the way to make a story dynamic is to allow it to grow by itself, be surprised by what your inventions do.
 
Hi Chris,

You might find a little competition idea I tried a couple of months ago simply perfect to give you that kick in writing. The Jim Butcher Bad Ideas Challenge, over on Mythic Scribes.

The idea is that you take two bad ideas from a list people have put together, and try to turn them into a working story. And for me it was brilliant fun. The two ideas I took from the list were "the devil in therapy" and "a really dumb genius", and I ended up writing a really fun story. (Well I thought it was fun and it really got the creative juices flowing). It was a testament to the idea that there are no bad ideas in writing.

I'd suggest popping over there, taking a look at the list, seeing what grabs you, and then just going for it.

Cheers, Greg.
 
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It's difficult for me to see what your question aka problem aka situations is.

I'm guessing like a friend of mine who can't look at anything that has misspelling in it without it causing the brain to hurk.

You know a lot of the rules and have trouble looking at them as guidelines. You might have trouble with breaking the rules, although with your knowledge you are the prime candidate for ability in that area. You just don't let yourself do it. But that doesn't sound like the entire problem. Your like the artist who can't let go of the imperfections they see in their own work and keep retouching. Retouching causes the pigments to blend until they get muddy and then they have muddy paintings.

Is your writing getting muddy from over working the rules? Is that the question?

Oh darn! I'm doing it again asking questions to answer questions.
 

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