Forbidden Fruit

Boneman

Boneman

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I've been staring at my wip for half a day and I've tried both words and neither looks right, so I'd really be grateful for some help. Background: small village upbringing, very controlled, (and actually very happy) but in the week before passing through a ceremony that marks them as adults at the age of 16, youngsters go off for a short period of freedom (walkabout) free of restrictions. My hero is with his intended - childhood sweetheart, and they're being very 'proper' - but after a very intense action scene involving blood and mayhem, they are safe together, though there are adults around them, who have helped them. It's night time, they're lying under a wagon and she daringly drags his hand onto her breast, and they both (unknowlingly) might take it further. Here's what he's trying to say:

What we were doing was so forbiddingly wrong it was frightening. Yet it felt so right.

Or this:

What we were doing was so forbiddenly wrong it was frightening. Yet it felt so right.

The forbidden bit seems to me important, but it just doesn't seem the right word. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Is there a better word? Many thanks.
 
"Forbiddingly" is a different meaning -- forbidding is hostile or unfriendly.

Why not just "was so forbidden it was frightening"? The "wrong" is implied.

But is forbidden what you want? Has it actually been forbidden, or are you looking for something more akin to dangerous? And could you suggest it by a physical reaction, tightness of breath for example?
 
Forbiddingly means in an unpleasant or threatening manner, so an atmosphere is forbidding, and a bouncer moves forbiddingly, so it's wrong here in context.

Forbiddenly isn't a real word, I don't think. Obviously, forbidden means not allowed, but I don't think you can form the adverb from the adjective as you've tried to do.

If you want it in, I'd suggest keeping it as an adjective and "What we were doing was so forbidden, so wrong, it was frightening." But that, to me signals that it has been forbidden, in a "Keep off the grass" kind of way, "Thou must not put thy hand on a girl's breast" as opposed to a general "No mucking about, lad" prohibition.

Personally, I think you're better off without it.


EDIT: Bum. Beaten by a hare.
 
Assuming he's bought into the idea of that short period of freedom - I'm assuming they both knew about this well before the ceremony - the implied word, forbidden, seems somehow inappropriate here.

'Forbiddingly' seems to fit better, but as it's derived from forbidding, which can mean any of 'repellent', 'of uninviting appearance', 'highly unpleasant', 'disagreeable', 'threatening' and 'menacing', I don't think it does.

I'm assuming that what the boy is thinking is being influenced by a mixture of emotions, which include both the fear and excitement of transgression (even though it isn't). Trying to encapsulate this in one adverb appears to be nigh on impossible.

I'm also not that keen on
Yet it felt so right.
Click to expand...
which is usually applied to something that is seen as wrong, whereas this wouldn't be, not really.
 
I don't really like forbiddingly. I wondered if it was that it was forbidden, or that it was actually quite exciting. And if so, I'm not getting that, it seems too mature to convey that sense of naughty excitement.
 
What the clever people said.

What about something like: "Touching this way was against all the rules. But her skin was soft and hot beneath my hand..."?

or:

"Touching her this way smashed -- terrifyingly -- through all the rules but..."

@Boneman -- er. Something like: "I thought of the dragon's pointy teeth descending on me, and all the rules I'd learned from childhood just vanished in the warmth of Sadie's skin against mine..."

or something.

But, not to be awkward or anything... wouldn't it be easier to establish the rules before they break them? Then you wouldn't need the forbiddenyness because we'd know.
 
Thanks, that was quick! Is nobody enoying the sunshine? Not that I'm complaining... just off to Battle for a B&B in an hour, hoping it's going to stay that way.

It's the kind of world that any sex-before-marriage (in the Village, anyway) would be incredibly scandalous, so it's the tantalisingly 'wrong' aspect that has been drummed into them, I'm trying to get over. Wasn't sure about forbiddingly, because they're frightened of doing it, but drawn to it... so many thanks for that. They're just a bit bolder because their lives have been threatened, but they've come through it safely, and I suppose I'm (somehow) looking for the 'we could have died, so it's made us not care'. Naturally as soon as an adult coughs, they'll spring apart.
 
What we were doing was so forbiddingly wrong it was frightening. Yet it felt so right.

Or this:

What we were doing was so forbiddenly wrong it was frightening. Yet it felt so right.
Click to expand...

Neither - as I agree with the previous posts, ie: Forbiddingly is the wrong meaning and forbiddenly isn't a word. Also 'yet it felt so right' is trite imo.

How about:

What we were doing was forbidden and wrong. Yet it didn't feel so.

or

What we were doing was both forbidden and wrong. Yet it didn't feel so.

?
 
Of course, we could be misreading this, and the reason the boy thinks the act he's being drawn into is wrong has nothing to do with social conventions, but is a recognition that, having gone through the ceremony, a part of him no long sees the girl as a lifelong partner (even while his libido thinks otherwise, hence the "yet it felt so right"). If this reading is correct - and I doubt it is - something more approriate to the boy's second thoughts might be used, e.g.
He now knew this was wrong, that his act would be one of theft, not love, yet it felt so right
Click to expand...
only better written.
 
Getting consensus which is very helpful. Ursa, he's very much in love and intends to marry as soon as the ceremony is over - naturally the best-laid (pun not intended) plans don't happen the way he wants...
 
Sunshine? Don't make me laugh. Cosy office trying to describe desert compounds without info dumping is much nicer than cold, grey autumn day. Or housework.


What we were doing was wrong, I knew. But here in the darkness with the day's events so close and dangerous it felt right, like we knew better than the elders. Forbidden, yes, but right.

?
 
Maybe something along the lines of:

We both knew this was forbidden. Just the touch was exciting and terrifying in equal measure; from her widened eyes and quickened breaths, I could tell she felt the same thrill.
[Our parents/The elders/The village] would be scandalised if they found out. But weren't we to be together the rest of our lives? What could a [few hours/day/week] matter? And there she was - so warm, soft, inviting...

A lot more words, I know, but if it's a pivotal plot point (which it seems to be)...

K
 
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