The Beggar

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This I have no problem with. I read as much drama as I do stories and I could use this and hear the voice, what you wanted to say. I couldn't that with the first extract. If you look at it as if you are setting a scene, the director/reader needs to be able to hear/see it, just as an actor needs enough to know where the inflections go; what the writer wanted.
 
I agree the spoken version is much more approachable. I appreciate the point about challenging the reader, but even readers who might appreciate being challenged once they're invested in a book might be put off if they encounter the same challenge in the first few pages.
 
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