The day after

[digs]

Cheers for the nice comments! This started as a bit of a throwaway exercise and it's now turning into something I want to develop. I'll post some more when I get round to it.

I would only caution you to be careful with the constant poetic similes. Maybe it was just me but there were lines when i got so lost in the language I forgot/missed the point.

That's a big fault of mine. My love of language sometimes trumps other sort-of-important things like plot and coherency, so I'll watch out for that.

 

[svalbard]

Excellent, digs, this has come in leaps and bounds. Like GreenKidx, I would be careful with your use of language. At the same time you have such a wonderful style and that could suffer. I look forward to more.

 

[starrypawz]

I can't really give you any indepth critique as it's already been covered by others. I do want to say that this is quite an interesting story you've got coming here. Through each rewrite you've done it's gotten better and it still maintains a very suspensful, creepy tone to it. It's really drawn me in and creeped me out just a tad which is good.