Wythenshawe Earthquake Disaster Appeal...

Discussion in 'Humour' started by mosaix, Mar 3, 2008.

  1.  
    mosaix

    mosaix Active Member

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    Not very PC but still funny. UK posters will appreciate this the most but there's still plenty for our American and Australian cousins to enjoy......


    An earthquake measuring 5.7 on the Richter scale hit Wythenshawe last Wednesday morning.The epicentre was benchill. Casualties were seen wandering around aimlessly saying "bang out of order!" "mental" "sorted". The earthquake decimated the area causing in excess of £17.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Preserved areas of historic importance were destroyed and cars burned out. Many locals were woken before their giro's arrived.

    One resident Kylie Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four said "It was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Destiny came running into my bedroom crying; my hands were shaking so much I could hardly skin-up." The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found numerous "Elizabeth Duke" sovereign rings,benefit books and Poundstretcher ornaments.

    How can you help? This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Urgently needed are LaCoste tracksuits, white socks, Burberry caps,Beanie hats and Reebok trainers. Food parcels are also needed. They include McCain oven chips,Aldi Beans, Monster Munch and Iceland pizza. Alcohol is also in short supply, especially White Lightning Cider and Special Brew.

    Cash donations are also needed. 22p will buy a "signing on" biro, £2.50 buys a Jumbo sausage dinner, £20.00 buys a fake M.O.T. and £16.00 buys 200 Embassy Regal from the back of Tomo's lorry.
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    Joel007

    Joel007 Shiny! Let's be bad guys.

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    Hehe, probably true :p
  3.  
    Who's Wee Dug

    Who's Wee Dug New Member

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    It's been slighty updated.;)
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    The Ace

    The Ace Aye fur Alba

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    My barber's had it in his window for years, the disaster zone is Dundee, though.
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    chrispenycate

    chrispenycate resident pedantissimo

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    Interesting. I recieved this in a 'Mail on friday.

    I wonder how many generations of chinese whispers were nescessary for the different versions?


    An earthquake measuring 5.2 on the Richter scale hit in the morning of Wednesday 27th February 2008.

    Epicentre: Market Rasen in Lincolnshire although it had major impacts across the central areas of the UK, including Camp Hill in Nuneaton.

    Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "bleedin 'ell" and "innit" The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30.00 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementoes from the Balearics, Spanish Costas and the local market were damaged beyond repair.
    Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

    BBC Cov & Warks News reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Camp Hill. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came runnin' into my bedroom cryin'. My younges' two, Ashley 'n'
    Brooklyn, slep' froo it all. I was still shakin' when I was watchin' Trisha this mornin'."

    Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.
    Rescue workers found one girl in the rubble smothered in blood; "Where are you bleeding from?" they asked her. "Bleedin' Hartshill," said the girl "woss that gotta do wiv it?"

    The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewelry from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

    HOW CAN YOU HELP?

    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

    Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), shell suits (female), white sport socks, Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and cans of Colt45 or Special Brew.

    22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9, £5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

    Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of the area.
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    mosaix

    mosaix Active Member

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    The power of the internet! :)
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    Rane Longfox

    Rane Longfox Red Rane

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    I think it works best with Wythenshawe:cool: But then, living in Mancland, I would...
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    PTeppic

    PTeppic Reetou Diplomatic Corp

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    Saw it a few years ago featuring the Pennywell estate of Sunderland...

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