IT Help Desk

Discussion in 'Humour' started by Who's Wee Dug, May 19, 2007.

  1.  
    Who's Wee Dug

    Who's Wee Dug New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2006
    Messages:
    653
    Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
    Female customer: A white one...
    ==============
    Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
    Tech support:
    Have you tried pushing the Button?
    Customer:
    Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
    Tech support:
    That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
    Customer:
    No
    , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
    ===============

    Tech support:
    Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
    Customer:
    Your left or my left?

    ===============

    Tech support:
    Good day. How may I help you?
    Male customer:
    Hello... I can't print.
    Tech support:
    Would you click on "start" for me and.
    Customer:
    Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
    ===============
    Customer:
    Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

    ==============
    =
    Customer:
    I have problems printing in red...
    Tech support:
    Do you have a colour printer?
    Customer:
    Aaaah...................thank you.
    ===============
    Tech support:
    What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
    Customer:
    A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.

    ===============

    Customer:
    My keyboard is not working anymore.
    Tech support:
    Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
    Customer:
    No. I can't get behind the computer.
    Tech support:
    Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
    Customer:
    ! OK
    Tech support:
    Did the keyboard come with you?
    Customer: Yes
    Tech support:
    That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
    Customer:
    Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
    ===============
    Tech support
    : Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
    Customer:
    Is that 7 in capital letters ?

    == =============

    Customer:
    can't get on the Internet.
    Tech support:
    Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer:
    Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    Tech support:
    Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer:
    Five stars.

    ===============

    Tech support:
    What anti-virus program do you use?
    Customer:
    Netscape.
    Tech support:
    That's not an anti-virus program.
    Customer:
    Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

    ===============

    Customer:
    I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

    ===============

    Tech support:
    How may I help you?
    Customer:
    I'm writing my first e-mail.
    Tech support:
    OK, and what seems to be the problem?
    Customer:
    Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

    ===============

    A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
    Tech support:
    Are you running it under windows?
    Customer:
    "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
    ===============

    And last but not least...

    Tech support:
    "Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
    Customer:
    I don't have a P.
    Tech support:
    On your keyboard, Colin.
    Customer:
    What do you mean?
    Tech support:
    "P".....on your keyboard, Colin.
    Customer:
    I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
  2.  
    HoopyFrood

    HoopyFrood Iago with a Blackberry

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2006
    Messages:
    5,078
    HAH! Oh, gods, they are great! Thanks WWD!
  3.  
    HardScienceFan

    HardScienceFan 'what to eat' fan

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,912
    LMAO:p:p
    sheer genius
    Don't tell me these were actual case histories:)
  4.  
    dustinzgirl

    dustinzgirl Mod of Awesome

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2005
    Messages:
    3,699
    I bet they were. Here's some of the stuff I heard at Dell...

    Woman calls up freaking out becuase the computer shut down when she was in the middle of working. It will not turn on. So the support guy goes through all the normal stuff...half way through the call her dad walks in and flicks on the light. The computer turns back on. Support tells her to put duck tapeon the light switch.

    Another guy called up freaking out. He didn't know what to do. His mouse was at the end of the mouse pad and he needed to scroll up.

    And no, I'm not joking!
  5.  
    The Ace

    The Ace Aye fur Alba

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    4,145
    Believe me that isn't surprising. I spent an hour with a customer complaining he couldn't connect his computer wirelessly, because he didn't have a wireless network.
  6.  
    pyan

    pyan Fortiter et recte! Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2005
    Messages:
    8,204
    Is it true, or an urban myth, about people ringing up to ask where the "Any" key is, then?
  7.  
    dustinzgirl

    dustinzgirl Mod of Awesome

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2005
    Messages:
    3,699
    LOL How long did you go through the steps before you got to that part?

    :D
  8.  
    The Ace

    The Ace Aye fur Alba

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    4,145
    Only the once, so far.
  9.  
    PTeppic

    PTeppic Reetou Diplomatic Corp

    Joined:
    May 31, 2001
    Messages:
    3,863
    I once went out to a customer who'd lost network connection: hardly unexpected, as I found out, the cable had come out of the back of her terminal...
  10.  
    HardScienceFan

    HardScienceFan 'what to eat' fan

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,912
    I thought i wasn't too bright with computers,but the above examples actaully made me feel good.
    'Control Alt Delete' Ben
  11.  
    Joel007

    Joel007 Shiny! Let's be bad guys.

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2006
    Messages:
    1,797
    I usually use CTRL + SHIFT + ESC, it's faster on these newer versions of Windows.
    Anyway, I've seen plenty of interesting tech support calls, its safe to say those could all be true.

    I did have a computer come in for repair once which said "Squeaking noise, mouse not found." Sure enough, the PSU fan was squeaking, and the mouse port didn't work!
  12.  
    pyan

    pyan Fortiter et recte! Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2005
    Messages:
    8,204
    One for the real pros...

    Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?












    Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

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