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Thanks guys, You have given me the idea to move the start of the story to a different point, where there is more agency and where I can introduce more of the characters separately. Although, a few just work better as a duo. I purposefully thought up a cast of 8 characters, before the story...

Thanks guys. I am aware of the problem. I especially have this issue when starting a story, because I'm writing the characters into existence for myself as well. I will take a cleaver and start hacking away, when I'm a bit more settled into the story.

This an attempt at a D&D inspired action adventure story. I hope you all have good comments and enjoy it. ‘Are we there yet?’ The often-heard question shook Jor out of his contemplations. He stopped walking and sighed deeply before turning to face the inquiring eyes of Nostra. ‘The path of a...

Now it shows an Arya chapter.

Thank you, for your comments. Obviously some problems stem from the fact that this wasn the first chapter, but other than that you have made my misgivings very clear. It is very helpful.

This is the beginning of an early chapter in a big work in process. I would mainly like insight in my writingstyle. Thanks for the assistance. The roads had been deserted, the journey monotonous and he had done little else besides thinking about Tairyn’s words for the past week...

Thanks guys for all the comments. If I understand the term purple correctly, then I did this on purpose because that's characteristic trait of the Roka. They think and speak and act in hyperboles and over the top. They are arrogant but without being condescending. So the language was very...

I did take heed of your suggestions for the previous part of this story, thanks for those. I know that was quite a while ago but because of the restrictions in length I couldn't post it with this part of the story. If you want to read it again or for the first time, it is a couple of pages back...

Thank you for your helpful comments. I'm glad you've liked it so far. I will put the names in a bit sooner. The infodump bits were unavoidable, because it is a very condensed story. The only other option was not to explain anything at all.

This is probably not the ideal story for a critique, seeing as it is a story that provides some history to some of my characters and some mythology to my world. So please ignore the lack of explaining of certain terms, it really didn't fit in a short story like this. Please just look at the...

The glossary of Towers of Midnight says that Graendel is responsible for the death of Asmodean and Shaidar Haran suggest she is responsible for the loss of three of the Forsaken, including Messaana who would not have been defeated if it weren't for the dreamspike. But I don't see a reason for...

If Lanfear had bonded Rand, he would have known who she was and where she was at all time. Do you really think the Dark one would allow that?

I've just read the prologue of A Memory of Light. It's really good. Who knew you could actually weep for a Cairhienin lord? But it sucks that I have to wait another 7 weeks to finally read the conclusion of this long and windy tale.

‘Must warn him... They’re coming for him.’ Jonndi was shocked by the wide-eyed expression on his normally level-headed friend. ‘Calm down Tairyn, you’re save now.’ Jonndi couldn’t completely hide the anguish in his voice, knowing full well that his friend wasn’t going to last through the...

Alright, thank you for the comments. I see the problems. The difficulty is that this is kind of prologue type chapter, setting up what is to come but that the character itself already has a long history and is therefore already developped. He isn't afraid of the soldiers because he genuinely...

Getting away from the soldiers had been relatively easy, considering he had to manoeuvre a six-foot wide cottage-wagon through this infernal forest. Luckily there were no fallen tree trunks in this planted monstrosity. The dry, hard forest floor meant that there wouldn’t be much of a trail to...

Thank you guys. This has been very helpful. Comma splices, they're the bain of my existence. But you are completely right. I mean to use two main third person narrator's perspective. I just always have problems sticking to it in the beginning of stories when I want to paint a scene to quickly...

Okay, thanks. I believe it's alright like this.

This is the beginning of chapter 1 of a long story that I'm writing that is a sort of companion piece to a more serious story I'm developping. The main chararcters of this story will all feature in the more serious story, but not untill later on. I've made this story a more light hearted...

I think this is problem that beginning writers face and possibly children's literature to an extent. I love how Feist effectively satirizes it with Nakur's handy bag of apples and oranges. I don't see it happening in more serious fantasy, thankfully.