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    First impressions

    Its that cold bleak approach everyone loves to start with. But I get your point. PS. I used to be the bane of the english department through my wonderful grammar:rolleyes:. I was used an example at 8 or 9 department meetings in 2 years.
  2. H

    First impressions

    I'll just repost this with the changes for anyone who wants a read. I really should appologise for the state of that, Itend to write in rush and note properly check it afterwards. PS. I can't actually explain the italics on dubious, must have seemed like a good idea at the time. The light...
  3. H

    First impressions

    First impressions on the setting would be great please. The light wind whistled through the cracks in the door, of a grand mansion at the edge of a street. A boy hurried on passed. The shutters creak mournfully on a large Georgian house as in the distance a speaker announces the time. The boy...
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    The Assasin Chapter 2

    A lot of pertental story wise but your writing could use alittle work, I think you should read though it and make alterations you yourself can see before you change it as other people suggest. It will help you better gauge abilitys as a writer and show you how to improve futre peices before you...
  5. H

    opening

    thanks everyone. i wanted to use it is an opening to a book or short story to introduce the character.
  6. H

    opening

    A boy fought beside his father on a small country road, highwaymen had way-laid their caravan. The boy spun, parried stabbed and slashed. He wove a dance of death. A man stood alone by his hut, drunk, and yelled for his daughter. He brandished a cane. An arrow flew from the nearby copse of...
  7. H

    Rewrite, Spirit Eater (input please)

    I think this is an excellant start start the only thing i would like to comment on is the first paragraph. The beast hurried through the woods with unnatural speed. Two hours had passed under this canopy of green and black, but still the beast had not found 1 its prey it has sought for...
  8. H

    The Beginning

    Great start it grabbs your attention and sets the main story line going nicely. I agree about the name and think having a formal anf informal title if a nice touch. :)
  9. H

    Tyranny

    This is only a short peice but its more to see what people think of the idea and if anyone wants would you let me know where you thin this might be going “A great darkness covered the land, as the corruptive powers of magic and alchemy gripped the people in its tyrannical fist. Then the emperor...
  10. H

    The Slave King, *Critique*

    As usuall really good, a very intresting idea. However i think you should add in a line here or there to start to characterise Dorril and show what sort of person he is.
  11. H

    Untitled Story

    Its a good start and i like the idea but particularily in the prolouge you keep saying "the man" way to much,
  12. H

    Vallye

    A good start but I think in a few places esspecially in the first paragrapgh you use "I" a bit to much.
  13. H

    Ocean Black - Part 11

    I still really enjoy this seires and look forward to seeing more of it.
  14. H

    [Short Story Excerpt] Celtic Fantasy

    I might be being pedantic but im preety sure that like the Gaulic tribes of Ireland the celts belifed them selfs to be decended from Gods themselfs and in many ways equal to them. In ireland even mythology tells us that the sons of milespin defeated the gods in several great battles forcing them...
  15. H

    Hidden ones : 2nd attempt

    My eyes came back into focus as I lowered my arms, and watched the waves smash the great imperial flagship on the rocks. Another successfull mission, another man dead due to the emperors growing paranioa. I set off at good pace along the cliff to where I had left my horse grazing. Things were...
  16. H

    Hidden One

    I will posted the corrected version of this plus some more content on a new thread for any who is intrested
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    Hidden One

    Its been a while since i posted anything but I hope this is better than some of my previous work. My eyes came back into focus as i lowered my arms, and whatched the waves smash the great imperial flag ship on the rocks. Another successfull mission, another man dead due to the emperors growing...
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    Truth of Words

    This was well writen and i like the idea of him not wantin to fight. My only real criticism is that you might want to discribe how the soilders fight better once he has joined them compared to the soilders before them.
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    Umm a poem I guess...Route 666

    I liked it, i think you could do with using the bubble idea more because it didnt really come across to me. Overall queit good
  20. H

    The Wrath of Halik (working title)

    i liked it but i think if you want u want to write better in this style, try to read some celtic mythology, it is writen in the same style (unless rewriten after translation). A good start keep it up
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