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I quite liked Obernewtyn...and still like it as an adult. I think dystopian future scenarios just reflect that the world has gone wrong: global warming, sea levels rising, bird flu epidemics....putting these things into fiction where things are overcome somehow makes facing the future less...

Attilla the Bun, sweetie, he's a personal trainer.They call him this because he has buns of steel and voratiously declares war on aalllll cellulose...Personally I think his barbarian cries during weight lifting are rather funny. He's rather obsessed with wearing these heavy gold chains....er...

Those crows of his were still pursuing There was nothing to do but stand and fight

Ode to My Cat : ) D evouring all that's on my plate E xfoliate and contemplate V enerate the wrinkled one O n all things reflect and flex N ot ears, but 'auditory architects' R ejoice in my curls and prodigy of wax E rr not, I bear no sauteeing in the sun X amine me, cat ninja and perplex I...

Arctic (spelling): is this set on Earth? Something needs to happen to maintain interest/this event will define these characters that don't have names....as a prologue its ok and will be defined later in the main story...j not sure about the baby being wreathed in azure flames as a culmination...

Write in word and discover the automatic spelling setting (it will type the rest of the words but can be annoying) or the spellcheck. Or even dropdown/right click spelling choices. This will help : ) and improve on things for you over time. It will be hard work though. Copy and paste your...

Somehow: this word needs to go. Ok, this flows on and reads well. It does need the emotional investment/build up factor to really impact. If I think back to some classic battle scenes: its the odd details that stay, the unpredictable...I'm thinking tactical writing...red herrings/shock...

Hmmmm the local A&R (outer suburbia) just doesn't stock the books that I'm interested in...while the top 50 reads shelf is a good guide (er, three fantasy titles, you've read them, er, they haven't changed them in a year)....they don't adjust to their clients. This is a BIGGGGG mistake. The...

With apologies to LC 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves In the big and brilliant light the lithe, slimy tree roves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. Leaves circle and gamble nimbly like wading weed All mimsy were the borogroves, All mimesis of misery...and in whimsy the burrough groves of...

Brilliant. Not sure where its going, but that's a good thing. How are Jed and Marina involved in the politics of this all? as the two storylines haven't quite tied together yet. I thought this was very well written. This one is worth working on...its got immense potential.

Doh, missed the fact that they were the one in the shed!

I'm amused by the idea of an inflatable frog voyaging through the air...I'm thinking that you could do a lot with this idea.

I read on after the sluttish par....if only to work out what she was up to. The hey guys/hey fellas dialogue I'm just not so sure about.

Wind like kitten paws Softly kneading and purring Clawing at the leaves.

I was fascinated to read about town clocks that didn't have minute hands: just an hour hand...to the next hour, past the hour...figures : ) .

Thanks Nik for the feedback. I think its probably still a bit of a confusing draft..working on it : ) .

Great comments Ice Monkey...there is a fair bit of repetition in there that needs culling out (LOL I did weed out some of it, but its an ongoing prob eeek) and thanks for letting me know that the flashback was confusing, ....this gives me an idea of what needs more work : ) .

Hi, just a short story open for comments: The Dragon Inside Eleni glared at the egg. She rolled it across the stone floor and out through the doorway. It was heavy and it made grinding noises on the pavings. Once it gained a bit of momentum though, it rolled a lot easier. She managed to...

Terry Pratchett uses dog latin...or even sometimes something that appears latin but is highly interpretable by english speakers. Since your book is tongue in cheek that would work! Actually some of his latin blendings have layers of jokes to them/and reference other historical people/events/etc...

I didn't have to understand the conversation entirely to keep reading what was going on...has character enough to carry it and things generally clarified along the way.