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  1. MissGuidedFee

    Digital Love pt 1

    Any comments welcome, I am almost finished the rest of this story so will post the 2nd half in a few days, would just like to know what people think first. Digital Love The walk is longer than I thought. I haven’t spoken much since I began. It’s a long time not to talk to anyone. A long...
  2. MissGuidedFee

    No name yet but meh, Critique please :D

    Hey, well I thought this fell in the 'good' category, and the only thing that stopped it being amazing was the voice of the seven year old which didn't feel right at times. For example, I think a seven year old would realise straight away that the heat from the door means there's flames behind...
  3. MissGuidedFee

    To The Stars (1st half)

    Hi all, thanks for the comments. I'm haven't had much time to work on the rest of this but once it's finished I'll post it, hopefully by the end of this week. Zachariah, I probably haven't made it clear that he writes the equations down once he comes out of his DMT-induced state and yes the idea...
  4. MissGuidedFee

    First draft - rip to pieces please!:D

    Okay, I read this through because I liked the setting of modern fantasy and the initial hook is intruiging but I was unsure if it was short story or the start of something bigger. I feel a lot of things are skimmed over as you are clearly trying to squeeze a lot of information in. If this is to...
  5. MissGuidedFee

    Untitled Piece - Critiques please!

    Hi, I really enjoyed this, it kept me reading and flowed at just the right pace. The only nit pick I have is, as Harebrain said, he shows no thought for his family on discovering the ruined village. Aside this I think it is a very strong opening, I'm intruiged to see where the next chapter takes us.
  6. MissGuidedFee

    To The Stars (1st half)

    Okay, this is a rough draft of a short story, any comments welcome, I will post the second half soon.. thanks in advance. To The Stars The day it happened, a Thursday. The time, 0900 hours GMT. The month, a wet and fuzzy September. But hell, none of this actually mattered. Dates, time, they...
  7. MissGuidedFee

    Intro from short story (The Game Show)

    Hey everyone. Thanks for the feedback, all very useful. It's not really about the matrix, it's based on a different experience but I totally see what you're saying. I'll try and get something in earlier that detracts from any matrix-ness. I just started writing this the other day so will...
  8. MissGuidedFee

    Intro from short story (The Game Show)

    Any thoughts/comments welcome, thanks. The Game Show People don’t usually notice the kid in the corner. That’s what dark corners in clubs are all about. Did you ever realise that someone is always noticing? I can deal with that realisation. It’s just the type of people who are noticing that...
  9. MissGuidedFee

    2nd half Foster House

    It was Jack's suggestion we drive to the house. I knew it wasn't a wise decision, especially as I hadn't yet ruled out doppelganger syndrome or even schizophrenia. As the car glided past the soft greenery of Glen Clova I stole a glance at Jack. He looked happy, so happy. Sometimes I wondered...
  10. MissGuidedFee

    Foster House

    First part of a short story, any comments would be welcome! Jack was sitting opposite me in his living room, his eyes wide and eager. He was dying to tell me his problem. They usually were, the types I got. 'I know why they asked you to come.' he said, obviously bursting to enlighten me...
  11. MissGuidedFee

    Please help!

    Hey! Thanks to all for the comments, I've reposted part of it as suggested... thanks for taking the time to read it all... really apprieciate your comments, still have work to do on it, so will bear in mind all of your suggestions. Peace!
  12. MissGuidedFee

    Untitled Story - 1st half

    Hey folks, here is the first half of an as yet untitled story, as suggested I'll post it in parts as it it is 3000+ words. thanks in advance for reading !!! Freedom…the motto always was a lie. Some say freedom is a myth, a veil, an illusion to keep you working, to keep you turning the...
  13. MissGuidedFee

    Please help!

    This is a new story I've written but I'm not entirely happy with it, don't know why, maybe a fresh pair of eyes can tell me...thanks for taking the time to read. Also working on a title, any suggestions would be appreciated...
  14. MissGuidedFee

    published stuff...thanks to all!!

    hey,don't know why the link isnt working...if you go to lulu.com and search for darkside of the sun volume three, you'll find it. thanking you!!:cool:
  15. MissGuidedFee

    published stuff...thanks to all!!

    thanks!! oops i forgot, here is a link to the anthology... http://www. lulu. com/content/2254050 peace out!!
  16. MissGuidedFee

    published stuff...thanks to all!!

    Hey everyone...sorry, I have not been on for a while, have been busy, but would just like to say thanks to all who critiqued my stories that I posted a while back.They have now been published. I probably would have shoved them in a drawer if I hadn't received such good feedback. You all rock...
  17. MissGuidedFee

    Writers of the Future: I Need Feedback on My Short Story

    I'd be happy to read it and give you feedback. :)
  18. MissGuidedFee

    A 1st chapter, just wondering how it reads.

    thanks so much for the responses. chrispenycate, thank you for spotting those niggles, I'll revise them straight away. flynx and taft, your postitive comments are really encouraging, and i know about the easy trap of too much thought-talk when writing 1st person. Its something I'll keep an eye...
  19. MissGuidedFee

    A 1st chapter, just wondering how it reads.

    Hi this is a first draft chapter one, to a book I'm working on. If anyone can take the time to read it, I'd be really grateful. Even if its just to say if you liked it or not. It's not too long. Thanks!! (some swearing!) The budgie’s trying to f*ck the plastic bird again. Budgies get...
  20. MissGuidedFee

    Swearing in books

    I sometimes use swearing in stories I've written,then sometimes I don't. Im not really aware of it most of the time, it usually just comes naturally depending on the character! I didn't even realise a certain piece had swearing in it until I posted it here and the site blanked the word out. :)
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