The Eden 3 Mission. Scene setting up the cataclysm.

Okay, guys, tear it up. I need a little critique'n thrown at me here to get me fired up about finishing this WIP.

What you need to know to read this: The main character is the last survivor on a massive colony ship headed for a distant solar system. He spends quite a bit of time keeping this giant craft hurtling along at just under the speed of light, and thinks a lot about ending his misery through suicide (but, you know, there is always just one more thing to get done first!). The ship is kind of shaped like a giant cylinder that spins to simulate gravity. The story goes back and forth between the present (post-ship-wide apocalypse) and the past when everything was hunky-dory on their little utopian voyage.

He knows that he is going to have to do an extravehicular trip in a couple days to work on the exterior of the ship (where... passengers are still floating). This wears on him a bit even if he doesn't tell himself that directly.

No mercy, please.

__________________________________________

Adam had spent most of the past week pumping water off the glass in the greenhouse band of the ship and into the reservoir system, and now he was taking the opportunity to gather some fresh fruits and vegetables while he was down there.

He still felt dizzy whenever he came down to the greenhouse band. He had spent the majority of his life onboard the ship, and had to climb down to that level several times a week for maintenance or to collect food for himself, but he could never make himself used to the sensation of looking down beneath his feet and seeing the endless nothingness of space. It was better in some parts of the band where catwalks ran above the glass closer to the ceiling, but traversing most locations forced him to walk directly across the transparent material that formed the exterior of the ship.

Some guys used to do this by choice, he thought as he filled a hand cart with vegetables from the hanging netting of suspended hydroponic plants. They used to come down here and run across the glass because of the increased force of artificial gravity down here further from the hub. And then the Aggies of course, they couldn’t get enough of this place. Some of them used to like to sleep down here against the glass.

He looked down past his feet at the stars beyond and laughed at himself, I walk around this ship all day telling myself that I’d rather be dead, actually planning how to do it, and yet I get scared of heights down here.

He rolled his cart past a section of wheat without stopping on the way to the orchard to pick some apples. God, now that was a pain in the ass, when I tried to mill wheat. Much better to just live on the ship’s stores of flour. Maybe if I land on the other end and live to be a hundred I’ll run out and have to figure out how to do it myself.

I still wonder how much it hurts, he reminisced as he picked some of the more ripe apples for his cart. I’ve read all about the ebulism, and the boiling blood and all that, but how much are you really conscious for? The stuff I’ve read says that you’ll swell up to twice your normal size, but I’ve never seen any of that.

There’s usually a little blood floating around the nose and mouth. The grim thoughts mixed easily with the mundane task of pruning a couple of branches back and clearing some overgrown vines out of the area. It’s not like the guys who wrote the stuff on the net ever had the chance to toss a couple people out of an airlock and see what happens. I’m the only one who’s seen that.

Maybe I should write my findings down for posterity: ‘Men don’t explode in space, but they still don’t look happy.’ He laughed out loud as he loaded his cart on a lift to take him back to the fishbowl.

Back in the Captain’s quarters he kept staring at the same message on his datapad while he ate his dinner. The message that had been there this morning before he had gone down to the greenhouse band and stood staring into nothing. There was a structural warning, and welding would have to be done. Nothing out of the ordinary there, except that the welding needed to be done on the outside of the Eden 3.

It’s on the hub, so it’s not like I can be thrown out into deep space. Outside the cylinder, that’s where it’s dangerous, not inside by the hub. He thought of what was out there in the open space near the hub. Most of them had drifted away to settle against the glass on the inside of the cylinder – the glass ceiling of the fishbowl – but some still floated right by the hub.

It will be like seeing old friends. Besides, if they can stay there for all these years without getting lost, then I’m probably pretty safe on just one little EVA. Still, I wonder what it would be like to drift away. In a suit; not like the others of course. I could just push off rearward and drift behind the ship. I’d be moving, what, like 290,000km per second minus whatever speed I pushed off from the ship. The ship would be doing that, I’d be trailing behind it at a pokey 289,999km per second or something.

He looked out at the stars slowly moving across the clear wall of the Captain’s cabin, infinitely less threatening to him when viewed through a window horizontally than right beneath his feet. I wonder what kind of gravitational pull I’d have out there. The ship is pulling something like a star as it moves through at this speed, I’d be what, like a planet? This stuff is mind-boggling. Like Dr. Martinez’s student who claimed he was traveling through time by driving as fast as he could from bow to stern on a bicycle through the fishbowl.

Medicine made so much more sense to me. He chewed his salad thoughtfully. Still, it would be nice to see the Eden 3 shrink into the distance and away ahead of me as I lived on for a day or two on the air in the suit. There’s something comforting about the idea that I’d be away from this ship, but would still make it to Octans 321B on the far end. Even if I did hit it with enough force to… what?... to destroy the planet? To knock it off course? To create a crater large enough to kill any life already down there? If I have the mass of a planet then what the hell happens when my body gets there?

He brought up the specs for the EVA suits on his pad, looking for the air capacity. No, wait, I’ve got this wrong. I’d miss the planet entirely because the route is calculated for the Eden 3 to slow down before it gets there. Mild disappointment settled in as he realized that in his scheme, when the ship slowed down he would catch back up to it. No escaping that way. He shut off his pad and put it on its charger.

I’ll do the EVA tomorrow, get the welds in place, and then find another way to end it.

Is this the first chapter? Has the issue of 'bands' been addressed?

I think the writing is pretty good. The only thing that I noticed is that the character keeps telling himself things he already knows, which is a bit too obvious an attempt to inform the reader. Also, it is a bit too long for a piece where nothing really happens. Perhaps you could move to some action quicker and then incorporate some of his thoughts and backstory.

Muah-ha-ha-ha, time to get my own back for all the red-penning, Sir.

Tywin said:

__________________________________________

Adam had spent most of the past week pumping water off the glass in the greenhouse band of the ship and into the reservoir system, and now he was taking the opportunity to gather some fresh fruits and vegetables while he was down there.If this is the opening, I think it needs more oomph. As it is, it feels like a time filler - showing some of this rather than telling it might draw us in more. Or even, what sort of veg, is it warm or cold.

He still felt dizzy whenever he came down to the greenhouse band. He had spent the majority of his life onboard the ship, and had to climb down to that level several times a week for maintenance or to collect food for himself, but he could never make himself used to the sensation of looking down beneath his feet and seeing the endless nothingness of space. It was better in some parts of the band where catwalks ran above the glass closer to the ceiling, but traversing most locations forced him to walk directly across the transparent material that formed the exterior of the ship.and again, I think this could be shown much, much more. Have him walk across it, have a wave of dizzyness, a moment where he thinks he might fall. As it is, you're describing it very nicely, but not moving the scene forwards.

Some guys used to do this by choice, he thought as he filled a hand cart with vegetablessee above - the gardener in me is really interested in what these are from the hanging netting of suspended hydroponic plants. They used to come down here and run across the glass because of the increased force of artificial gravity down here further from the hub. And then the Aggies of course, they couldn’t get enough of this place. Some of them used to like to sleep down here against the glass.

He looked down past his feet at the stars beyond and laughed at himself, I walk around this ship all day telling myself that I’d rather be dead, actually planning how to do it, and yet I get scared of heights down here.down used a few times now

He rolled his cart where'd that come from, then? And how does that work on the glass - is there a rail it's on, or does it go over the glass? I'm struggling to see it. past a section of wheat without stopping on the way to the orchard to pick some apples. God, now that was a pain in the ass, when I tried to mill wheat. Much better to just live on the ship’s stores of flour.If he had flour anyway why bother to mill flour? Isn't that a big investment in time when there are other things that might be more pressing. Maybe if I land on the other end and live to be a hundred I’ll run out and have to figure out how to do it myself.

I still wonder how much it hurts, he reminisced as he picked some of the more ripe apples for his cart. I’ve read all about the ebulism, and the boiling blood and all that, but how much are you really conscious for? The stuff I’ve read says that you’ll swell up to twice your normal size, but I’ve never seen any of that.And I'm starting to get to the end of my info dump tolerance here. Actually, this might be one of the cases where I wonder if a prologue wouldn't be a good thing.

There’s usually a little blood floating around the nose and mouth. The grim thoughts mixed easily with the mundane task of pruning a couple of branches back and clearing some overgrown vines out of the area. It’s not like the guys who wrote the stuff on the net ever had the chance to toss a couple people out of an airlock and see what happens. I’m the only one who’s seen that.

Maybe I should write my findings down for posterity: ‘Men don’t explode in space, but they still don’t look happy.’ He laughed out loud as he loaded his cart on a lift to take him back to the fishbowl.

Back in the Captain’s quarters he kept staring at the same message on his datapad while he ate his dinner. The message that had been there this morning before he had gone down to the greenhouse band and stood staring into nothing. There was a structural warning, and welding would have to be done. Nothing out of the ordinary there, except that the welding needed to be done on the outside of the Eden 3.

It’s on the hub, so it’s not like I can be thrown out into deep space. Outside the cylinder, that’s where it’s dangerous, not inside by the hub. He thought of what was out there in the open space near the hub. Most of themwhat them? had drifted away to settle against the glass on the inside of the cylinder – the glass ceiling of the fishbowl – but some still floated right by the hub.

It will be like seeing old friends. Besides, if they can stay there for all these years without getting lost, then I’m probably pretty safe on just one little EVA. Still, I wonder what it would be like to drift away. In a suit; not like the others of course. I could just push off rearward and drift behind the ship. I’d be moving, what, like 290,000km per second minus whatever speed I pushed off from the ship. The ship would be doing that, I’d be trailing behind it at a pokey 289,999km per second or something.I'm really struggling here. I mean, I'm all one for introspection but this is almost unbroken introspection. It's always difficult with a character on their own, but there's a real lack of tension in the scene and I'm struggling to stay engaged.

He looked out at the stars slowly moving across the clear wall of the Captain’s cabin, infinitely less threateningsee what I mean? They're not threatening, he's not threatened, he's just scared of what might be. That doesn't create tension, to my mind. to him when viewed through a window horizontally than right beneath his feet. I wonder what kind of gravitational pull I’d have out there. The ship is pulling something like a star as it moves through at this speed, I’d be what, like a planet? This stuff is mind-boggling. Like Dr. Martinez’s student who claimed he was traveling through time by driving as fast as he could from bow to stern on a bicycle through the fishbowl.

Medicine made so much more sense to me. He chewed his salad thoughtfully. Still, it would be nice to see the Eden 3 shrink into the distance and away ahead of me as I lived on for a day or two on the air in the suit. There’s something comforting about the idea that I’d be away from this ship, but would still make it to Octans 321B on the far end. Even if I did hit it with enough force to… what?... to destroy the planet? To knock it off course? To create a crater large enough to kill any life already down there? If I have the mass of a planet then what the hell happens when my body gets there?

He brought up the specs for the EVA suits on his pad, looking for the air capacity. No, wait, I’ve got this wrong. I’d miss the planet entirely because the route is calculated for the Eden 3 to slow down before it gets there. Mild disappointment settled in as he realized that in his scheme, when the ship slowed down he would catch back up to it. No escaping that way. He shut off his pad and put it on its charger.

I’ll do the EVA tomorrow, get the welds in place, and then find another way to end it.

Click to expand...

So, my main problem was with pace and tension, and too much telling. The grammar is fine, it's easy to read. But nothing happens....

Hope it helps. J

It's really difficult to provide feedback on a chapter that comes later in a story, because there are all sorts of peaks and troughs you can apply to pace.

It is nicely written, but there are a couple of points I'd like to have seen made stronger:

1. Less telling, more showing: we see a lot of his thoughts, and how he feels, but it would be nicer if we could experience this a little more with him. Otherwise, your POV character is in danger of being an independent narrator of the story, rather than a character within it.

2. Conflict: what is the focus of this scene? You have a few different issues come up, and I did like that - everything from having to harvest the food, to feeling despair, and then dreading going outside. But I didn't feel like any of these things formed a core to the scene to which everything else was connected. The result of this was that foreground and background issues seem to blur so I wasn't sure exactly what you wanted me to remain focused on.

3. More detail: a world comes most alive with detail, and you have a lot in. But sometimes you drop to generic descriptions that - unless you have already covered in earlier scenes - could benefit from being given greater detail here. For example, a part of your scene involves him pushing a cart of apples - but there is nothing to distinguish this image from a mediaeval farmer doing the same. I know you have the context here, but you invoke a popular image without making it your own and specific to this piece and situation. Also, what sort of apples: thick, ripe red ones, or small and shrivelled green ones? Details added to the background can help build a more engaging image.

4. Keep focused: When he's collecting apples, why does he think about milling grain? I missed that connection. That gave me the feeling that you were adding information that you felt obliged to give, rather than because such details were driven by the character experience. Or else trying to refer to something that perhaps wasn't coming across clearly. This probably ties in with point 2. Conflict - about having a central theme to this scene that you can connect and refer everything else to.

However, overall it wasn't a bad piece at all, and as a later chapter in a story it could work very well. It's difficult to comment, though, because we've no idea of how you have connected it with the piece. Some of my comments may well be down to personal preference. From this piece alone I should imagine that you're on the right track, but that it may benefit from a little tightening up to provide a little more character focus - if that's what you want.

2c.

As per Springs and all the others really.

There a distance in the section too and the whole tone is very close to author narration. The section it isn't narration as you use character thoughts etc. but the distinction is minor in my humble view. I think you need to get closer to the character and their life as they shuffle around what seems to be an empty spaceship. You already have a mini crisis developing that has been passed off to another day, which does nothing to help your pace along. I also feel that some actions must happen around the character, such as robots trundling along, if only to break up the nothing much happening again today vibe here. Developing an idea where little happens is a tall order to keep a reader hooked in, but has been done and what you have here did keep me reading to the end. I'm not sure how much longer I would have kept going, but shooting back and forth on your time line would help a lot here. I think it needs to feel more personal, with more emotions and living in the characters world. You have work to do to make it work, but that is mostly the premise and idea your trying to develop and not so much the quality of the writing. You really are making a rod for yourself in attempting to make nothing interesting - it can be done, but I'm not sure if I would attempt the same. With that resounding vote of confidence, good luck with it and I hope you'll share again so I can see how you get on.

Okay, I will take this back and tweak it a bit with a glass of wine tonight while we watch The Voice.

I'm trying to get the reader to do a little bit of a "Wait a minute... what did he just say?" with the apparently random thoughts about dead bodies floating along with the ship thrown into the mundane work of this guy's life. He buries his own pain under an unending (self-inflicted) workload, and I want the readers to wonder at what's going on under the surface. A bit of queasy horror at whatever is peaking out of his sub-conscious would be great.

I'll specifically work the transitions between thoughts so that they flow a bit better. I think I could maybe use that to build a little bit of the tension that is missing here. Not so interested in action, as there will be plenty coming up in the following chapters as their utopian society descends into chaos.

More little details are great too, as per Brian's comments, especially since one of the things I enjoy most about the story is illustrating life traveling through space.

Thanks folks.

-Jim

This is interesting and I might be compelled to read on.

Many have already covered a few of the problems with this piece so I'll just go straight to a pet peeve of mine.
You have an excessive use of 'used to' in a short section of this. It is justifiable since you are trying to show that these people are gone and only used to do these things. I'm not a fan of the used to when it can be avoided and I think with some creativity here it could be avoided; but once again that's just a pet peeve of mine.

I’m the only one who’s seen that.

Maybe I should write my findings down for posterity: ‘Men don’t explode in space, but they still don’t look happy.’

Click to expand...

Actually this has been seen and done in early experiments with flight suits; I've included one of a number of articles I've run across in my own searches on the subject.
http://ntrs.nasa.gov/archive/nasa/casi.ntrs.nasa.gov/19690004637.pdf

You would think a flight like that would have access to those studies.
Maybe it's another universe.

Space exposure - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This one is outstanding in the mention of the Soyuz 11 accident
(Which if I remember correctly Ian Sales @iansales makes use of in one of his short stories.)

Survival in Space Unprotected Is Possible--Briefly

http://ntrs.nasa.gov/archive/nasa/casi.ntrs.nasa.gov/19650027167.pdf

Explosive Decompression and Vacuum Exposure

I like this. It follows the quietly introspective style that seems quite in vogue at the moment. It does seem a long time with not much actually happening, but then sometimes that slowness of pace can be used to underscore the monotony of a long space voyage.

But, here's the trick and an oxymoron, it has to be interestingly monotonous. An excellent example of this in recent books is in The Martian by Andy Weir... he somehow made growing potatoes fascinating.

From a technical stand point - Why the windows? If the ship is in interstellar space there would be at best negligible advantages for that?

I like the way you've casually thrown in the velocity (Roughly light speed) and therefore increase of mass of the spacecraft. If you're going to have that side of things, it shows an attention to detail I like. It can be expanded on if you do insist on the windows (which could be argued to be even more irrelevant) . Take a look at this:

What would the world look like if you approached the speed of light?

Yes, I thought of mentioning the Martian to look at how he handled introspection.

Tywin, I liked it. The biggest thing I noticed was how many thoughts he had. I think there was too much italicised in this piece. I would suggest either including it in the story.

eg. I still wonder how much it hurts, he reminisced as he picked some of the more ripe apples for his cart.

To: He wondered how much it would hurt, as he picked some of the more ripe apples for his cart.

Or with this much introspection, maybe the piece would be better suited to first person? That is if the plot always centres around this one character

I did like the feel, and would read on for sure.

I can definitely work out the 'used to' s, that's an easy fix and I can think of at least one particularly offensive paragraph where folks used to take jogs on the glass.

As for the effects of decompression, etc, Adam certainly has access to those links, as I did while I was researching. Although there is some data (generally from depressurized suits), there is still a fairly lively debate on a few of the finer points (like whether or not a dead body would swell to twice its size).

Wait, do I have to read The Martian, or just watch the Matt Damon version?

Tywin said:

Wait, do I have to read The Martian, or just watch the Matt Damon version?

Click to expand...

read, I think. Hard luck. (I haven't, btw, but he has held the attention of many people doing largely what you're trying to do here.)

The idea of being a solitary figure on a vast space ship has always intrigued me. I have often wondered whether I would enjoy being completely alone, yet without any worries for all my basic needs. I fear I might be quite content.

As I read the posting I was also considering The Martian, but the stranded astronaut in Wier’s novel has a sense of purpose, a mission to return home. Unfortunately, your hero is ‘safe’ on the spaceship and has sufficient food to last for the proverbial lifetime. He appears to face a slightly different challenge.

I agree with so many of the other contributors that the pace is too slow. You state that “there will be plenty coming up in the following chapters.” Sadly, the promise of ‘jam tomorrow’ will not attract your readers. I appreciate that you are choosing a slow opening, and that is fine for this work. However, all Adam actually does in this opening is pick some apples. I also agree with Brian Turner that we would benefit from more detail of the ship.

This has considerable potential as a story, and the writing is both clear and stylish, but we are spending too much time in Adam’s head.

Tywin said:

Wait, do I have to read The Martian, or just watch the Matt Damon version?

Click to expand...

The book is currently on offer at Amazon.

Brian Turner said:

The book is currently on offer at Amazon.

Click to expand...

Look! I did find it on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B017S3OP34/?tag=brite-21

I read this and it really doesn't seem to be going anywhere. As someone said, less telling and more showing.

If you are trying to set a mood, then I think it doesn't really connect in that way. I just don't feel his sense of aporia or even dread. Otherwise, I am not very sure what the point of this is section is. But I don't know where this text fits into the novel, either.

Let's talk about this: "He looked out at the stars slowly moving across the clear wall of the Captain’s cabin, infinitely less threatening to him when viewed through a window horizontally than right beneath his feet."

Okay, I understand what you are trying to convey, but at the velocity the ship is traveling I don't think you would see any stars abeam of the ship and they certainly would not be moving if traveling close to C. From what I understand the effects of relativity would cause the stars to appear to converge or cluster dead ahead of the ship and be very much blue shifted towards the point of invisibility.

The stars astern would be redshifted as well towards the point outside the spectrum of the human eye.

This is nothing like Star Trek on TV, unfortunately.

Lastly, even at sub-relativistic speeds you would not see stars outside a window. You would need to totally extinguish all interior lights in the room before you could see them. When you look out your window in your house, do you see stars at night? No, you must turn off the lights and let your eyes dark adapt.

Which begs the question, why would the exterior of the ship be transparent in the first place if you can't see anything, particularly at relativistic velocities?

Okay, so the visibility of things when traveling near the speed of light is making my head hurt a bit, but I'm willing to play with it a little bit. I watched the simulation somebody linked earlier, and would like to know how the view of things would change if looking at objects hundreds of light years away vice along a road in New Mexico within a couple feet or miles of the point of view. As for the stars moving (if visible, which I'm not willing to budge on for the sake of the story), they aren't - the ship is turning to create artificial gravity. On the subject of seeing stars through a window with the lights on, I think you're off target on that one. Think about every picture ever taken from inside the International Space Station. It's our thick atmosphere that blocks our view (most of the time) during the day.

Next post will be the revised version, see if it addresses some of the issues.

Revised version. Would like to know if I've built at least a little bit of tension. This is not the beginning of a novel, but a transition chapter (in the present) between two long periods of flash-back chapters, the first one being pleasant (but hopefully pregnant with foreshadowing), and the second leading to cataclysmic disaster as various strong-willed individuals act out with some great intentions.

__________________________________________________________________-

After spending most of the past week pumping water off the glass floor of the greenhouse band Adam took the opportunity to fill a cart with some fresh fruit and vegetables. He had to push through several places where roots and vines had woven together to block the way, but it was worth it to get back to the spots that hadn’t been picked through. Cian rolled along dutifully behind him, pulling the cart full of produce.

While plucking a handful of strawberries from a branch on the floor, he caught sight of the carpet of stars flowing beneath him. His head spun and he had to grab a nearby branch to steady himself. He had been down to the greenhouse at least once a week for years, but he could never get used to the sensation of looking down beneath his feet and seeing the universe sail past as the Eden 3 spun. He usually tried to stay to the catwalks that ran up near the ceiling, but to get a good selection of fruit he had to walk directly across the transparent material that formed the exterior of the ship.

A lot of guys used to love to do this, he thought as he helped Cian get the cart over the thick root of an orange tree. Jay said that he liked to run through the greenhouse band because of the increased force of artificial gravity down here further from the hub. And then the Aggies of course, they couldn’t get enough of this place. Some of them slept down here against the glass.

An image snuck into his mind, out from the rock where it had been hiding since the morning, and wave of vertigo took hold. In it he was falling; flailing impotently for some handhold. Falling forever, he thought as he shoved the unbidden image back into the dark recesses of his mind where it belonged.

I wonder how much it hurts, he reminisced as he picked bright red apples for his cart. I’ve read about the ebulism, and the boiling blood and all that, but how much are you really conscious for? The stuff I’ve read says that you’ll swell up to twice your normal size, but I’ve never seen any of that.

There’s usually a little blood floating around the nose and mouth. The grim thoughts mixed easily with the mundane task of pruning a couple of branches back and clearing some overgrown vines out of the area. It’s not like the guys who wrote the stuff on the net ever had the chance to toss a couple thousand people out of an airlock and see what happens. I’m the only one who’s seen that.

Maybe I should write my findings down for posterity: ‘Men don’t explode in space, but they still don’t look happy.’ He laughed out loud as he led Cian and his his cart into a lift to take them up to the fishbowl.

Back in the Captain’s quarters he kept staring at the same message on his datapad while he ate his dinner. The message he had been running from ever since he read it in this morning’s ship’s report. There was a structural warning, and welding would have to be done. Nothing out of the ordinary there, except that the welding needed to be done on the outside of the Eden 3.

It’s on the hub, so it’s not like I can be thrown out into deep space. Outside the cylinder, that’s where it’s dangerous, not inside by the hub. He thought of what was out there in the open space near the hub. Most of the people who were blown out of the Kennedy Room eventually settled against the glass on the inside of the cylinder – staring back at Adam if he ever dared to look up – but some still floated near the hub.

It will be like seeing old friends. Besides, if they could stay there for all these years without getting lost, then Adam knew there would be little danger to himself. Still, I wonder what it would be like to float away. I could just push off rearward and drift behind the ship. I’d be moving, what, like 290,000km per second minus whatever speed I pushed off from the ship. The ship would be doing that, I’d be trailing behind it at a pokey 289,999km per second or something.

He looked out the clear wall of the Captain’s cabin to the rear of the ship, the slowly moving stars distorted and red-hued because of the relativistic effect of traveling close to the speed of light. I wonder what kind of gravitational pull I’d have out there. The ship is pulling something like a star as it moves through at this speed, I’d be what, like a planet? This stuff is mind-boggling. Like Dr. Martinez’s student who claimed he was traveling through time by driving as fast as he could from bow to stern on a bicycle through the fishbowl.

Medicine made so much more sense to me than physics. He chewed his salad thoughtfully. Still, it would be nice to see the Eden 3 shrink into the distance and away ahead of me as I lived on for a day or two on the air in the suit. There’s something comforting about the idea that I’d be away from this ship, but would still make it to Octans 321B on the far end. Even if I did hit it with enough force to… what?... to destroy the planet? To knock it off course? To create a crater large enough to kill any life already down there? If I have the mass of a planet then what the hell happens when my body gets there?

He brought up the specs for the EVA suits on his pad, looking for the air capacity. No, wait, I’ve got this wrong. I’d miss the planet entirely because the route is calculated for the Eden 3 to slow down before it gets there. Mild disappointment settled in as he realized that in his scheme, when the ship slowed down he would catch back up to it. No escaping that way. He shut off his pad and put it on its charger.

I’ll do the EVA tomorrow, get the welds in place, and then find another way to end my life.