Darkranger85
Self Proclaimed Nerd
This is actually a piece I wrote for a challenge at AbsoluteWrite.com
I didn't get much input and I'd love to hear what a fantasy oriented forum will think of it.
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She hopped from branch to branch in the great trees of the elven forest, like a living shadow, making her way quickly along her prey's path. Below, he meandered through the dark woods, completely unwelcome.
The night was cool and clear, moonlight filtering through the canopy, as if the Moon Mother herself where giving her aid. Azamai could see her target clearly, and it seemed as if he had no idea that he was being stalked from just a short distance above. She could raise her bow and end him right now,but what fun would that be, she thought to herself.
This was her forest, and the forest of her people. The trespasser would know who confronted him, and in the end, who had put him in his place.
She dropped to the ground many feet below with the grace of a hunting cat, landing in perfect balance. Just a few strides behind the man, she drew her beautifully crafted elven short blades as she made her presence known. “Hold!” She raised her swords to the ready. “You are trespassing on sacred elven lands.”
The cloaked man turned quickly pulling his sword defensively in front of him. His feet shifting almost unconsciously into a balanced stance. “I would see these sacred lands of yours for myself.” He shot back. “And perhaps take a few souvenirs.”
The Elven maiden's eyes narrowed. No more needed to be said, he had sealed his own fate with his own words. Her cowl flew back as she bolted forward giving the trespasser barely enough time to jerk his blade up to block to swift blow.
Her blades came in from every angle, all the while she continued to circle around him, keeping him moving and off balance. He was good, there was no doubt, few could keep up with the deadly dance of a trained Elven ranger, let alone give it back.
The human's blade sang out its metallic cry as it parried the countless attacks. The only chance he had was to end the battle quickly, before he tired. Azamai's defenses presented an opening and he seized it, his boot came up and caught her in the stomach, sending her out and to the ground.
He thought to end it here and now with a stab straight to the ground where she lay, and if she were a novice fighter, he would have won, but she wasn't. Down came his blade as the Elven fighter's legs shot up, throwing herself into a flip and reversing her direction before the tip of the man's sword even hit the ground.
Her wicked twin blades cried out as they came together at the base of his neck like a deadly pair of shears, and as suddenly as it started, the battle was over.
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I realize that in this scene, we don't know why the stranger was in the forest. Keeping in mind that this scene was written to express 'agility' I didn't really see the need to flesh it out more.
But I'm thinking of using it to start a larger story, so I'd love some feedback!
Thanks!
I didn't get much input and I'd love to hear what a fantasy oriented forum will think of it.
------------------------------------------
She hopped from branch to branch in the great trees of the elven forest, like a living shadow, making her way quickly along her prey's path. Below, he meandered through the dark woods, completely unwelcome.
The night was cool and clear, moonlight filtering through the canopy, as if the Moon Mother herself where giving her aid. Azamai could see her target clearly, and it seemed as if he had no idea that he was being stalked from just a short distance above. She could raise her bow and end him right now,but what fun would that be, she thought to herself.
This was her forest, and the forest of her people. The trespasser would know who confronted him, and in the end, who had put him in his place.
She dropped to the ground many feet below with the grace of a hunting cat, landing in perfect balance. Just a few strides behind the man, she drew her beautifully crafted elven short blades as she made her presence known. “Hold!” She raised her swords to the ready. “You are trespassing on sacred elven lands.”
The cloaked man turned quickly pulling his sword defensively in front of him. His feet shifting almost unconsciously into a balanced stance. “I would see these sacred lands of yours for myself.” He shot back. “And perhaps take a few souvenirs.”
The Elven maiden's eyes narrowed. No more needed to be said, he had sealed his own fate with his own words. Her cowl flew back as she bolted forward giving the trespasser barely enough time to jerk his blade up to block to swift blow.
Her blades came in from every angle, all the while she continued to circle around him, keeping him moving and off balance. He was good, there was no doubt, few could keep up with the deadly dance of a trained Elven ranger, let alone give it back.
The human's blade sang out its metallic cry as it parried the countless attacks. The only chance he had was to end the battle quickly, before he tired. Azamai's defenses presented an opening and he seized it, his boot came up and caught her in the stomach, sending her out and to the ground.
He thought to end it here and now with a stab straight to the ground where she lay, and if she were a novice fighter, he would have won, but she wasn't. Down came his blade as the Elven fighter's legs shot up, throwing herself into a flip and reversing her direction before the tip of the man's sword even hit the ground.
Her wicked twin blades cried out as they came together at the base of his neck like a deadly pair of shears, and as suddenly as it started, the battle was over.
--------------------------
I realize that in this scene, we don't know why the stranger was in the forest. Keeping in mind that this scene was written to express 'agility' I didn't really see the need to flesh it out more.
But I'm thinking of using it to start a larger story, so I'd love some feedback!
Thanks!
